- File Size: 496 KB
- Print Length: 75 pages
- Publisher: Shadowcat Publishing; 1 edition (June 6, 2016)
- Publication Date: June 6, 2016
- Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
- Language: English
- ASIN: B01GQNMNZE
- Text-to-Speech: Enabled
- Word Wise: Enabled
- Lending: Enabled
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #879,121 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
Bordello of Vampire Pleasure: Omnibus Edition Kindle Edition
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|Length: 75 pages||Word Wise: Enabled||Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled|
|Page Flip: Enabled||
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Received through NetGalley and voluntarily read and reviewed a copy of the book.
I received this book for free in return for an honest review.
This is so laughably bad, it has to be comedy. Let's start out the basics, because clearly Lynda Belle has never actually been involved in the BDSM lifestyle or even read a basic book on it. She apparently hasn't even seen an episode of CSI with Lady Heather! A female Dominant is referred as a Domme, Dom (as she keeps using) is a male title. Dominant should always, always be capitalized when referring to someone with that persuasion. One Domme would never call another Mistress unless the second Domme had trained her to begin with.
Next what is up with the word suction and the act of kissing? If she uses it once, she uses a dozen time. It is not erotic. It brings to mind a vacuum cleaner.
Lynda Belle doesn't even have the basics of a female anatomy laid out. Things that she says can happen, just can't. I'm sorry, but unless I get crass, I can't explain it better than that. She either needs a course in basic anatomy or a copy of Hustler, because she doesn't get it.
Some of the most ridiculous pseudonyms for genitalia are used. 'my man's head.' I mean, c'mon, is she writing a 1970's bodice ripper?
Speaking of bodices - apparently she has never been laced into a real corset or tried to get one back on that has been taken off. Corsets generally hook in the front/button or snap in the front and lace in the back, that way they can get tight. Garter belts – the suspenders (not extensions) go UNDER panties (not undies - not in erotica or romance) so the panties can be removed to use the rest room. Thongs don't work the way she thinks either.
The ever shifting POV's and styles don't work because the verbiage never shifts to makes the character unique and relatable. It is all one voice and the same silly wording and catch phrases. Sometimes the writing in of itself is so bad, I had to re-read sentences to make sure I could parse out exactly what was intended. It felt as if this were written by a senior in High School or a Freshman in College, because the turns of phrases are so pat and generic, they had to have been lifted from very old, very bad romance novels of days past. Perhaps Lynda Belle is the pen name for a very young, very inexperienced young man. Whichever is the case, clearly this is not a professional erotica writer and definitely not a romance writer (I was pitched that this was a paranormal romance).
If you are going to use vampires, USE vampires. They aren't set dressing to move your characters around. If they have 300 or more years, they should have more than a faint but unplacable accent to make them exotic.
I couldn't even get caught up in the Hero (John – at least I think he is the hero. Couldn't really tell until the end of chapter 2) or the Heroine (Natasha) They were both paper-thin and Natasha had few, if any redeeming characteristics. They also turn on a dime with absolutely no motivation but really good sex. While that may be a mind blowing experience, it wouldn't erase the pain they had gone through in order to bring them to the Bordello in the first place.
I really wanted this to be good, because a Domme with a male Sub is so rare, I wanted to lose myself. I just couldn't stop from laughing long enough to do so. I am so happy I go this for free, because, man, I would be angry if I had paid for it! Research, research, research, Lynda – talk to real players the next time you want to delve into someone else's world, because you are going to tick someone off, actually try the lingerie on, find more interesting replacement verbiages.
Looking for good vampire erotica/romance – try Emma Holly's Midnight series. Looking BDSM erotica – the Beauty series by Anne Rice. These are just simple examples that will get you started. Both women are far more educated in the subject, much more talented and much better writers.
If I could, this would get 1½ star – that's because it takes guts to publish something this awful. And there are MORE! Gah!
Part one divorced man stumbles into sex club. Part two woman catches her boyfriend cheating on her and the stumbles into the same club. Part three humans end up together and cut scene.
I was honestly left absolutely confused.