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Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life Paperback – October 3, 2017
"Warlight" by Michael Ondaatje
A dramatic coming-of-age story set in the decade after World War II, "Warlight" is the mesmerizing new novel from the best-selling author of "The English Patient." Pre-order today
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In order to call themselves good Christians, many people have drawn overly flexible boundaries (unwilling to say no, always accommodating others' needs) or overly rigid boundaries (to the point of being righteous and judgmental). Psychologists and inspirational speakers Cloud and Townsend show readers how to set reasonable boundaries in order to follow the true path of Christianity. This book has become immensely popular, most likely because it makes personal boundaries easier to define and is filled with spiritual purpose. Some cautions: the format can be overly self-helpish for such a complex discussion and the authors at one point imply that judicious spankings may be an acceptable form of setting boundaries with children. However, many Christians will probably find themselves grateful for this biblical context of boundaries. --Gail Hudson --This text refers to the Hardcover edition.
I’ve been recommending Boundaries to friends, team members and radio listeners for more than twenty years. In fact, hardly a day goes by when I don’t use something that I learned from this book. The principles are timeless, and the updates in this version make Boundaries even more relevant to readers and their relationships. (Dave Ramsey, bestselling author and nationally syndicated radio show host)
Now updated and expanded, this classic book is more timely and relevant than ever for today’s “always on, always there” culture. If technology and social media are intruding on your life and relationships, learn from the boundaries experts how to protect yourself and the people you love. This life-changing book is still the go-to guide for healthy relationships, personal growth, and true freedom in Christ. (Andy Stanley, pastor, author, communicator, and Founder of North Point Ministries)
Of every book that I’ve read, Boundaries is the one I recommend most often. All of us can overcommit, become doormats, or find ourselves in codependent and dysfunctional relationships. Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend’s one-of-a-kind book helps guide the reader through a change in mindset that eventually leads to a change in actions. If you know you have some unhealthy patterns in friendships, at work, in your schedule, with technology or your family, this book will help you establish the boundaries you need to create the life you are supposed to live. (Craig Groeschel, pastor of Life.Church and NEW YORK TIMES bestselling author)
Cloud and Townsend’s bestseller is even more relevant today than it was twenty years ago. Fresh stories, current examples, and an entire new chapter on “Boundaries and the Digital Age” mean this book continues to be one of the best resources available when it comes to maintaining healthy relationships. (Bill Hybels)
Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend is truly an “in case of (relational) fire---remove hammer, break glass” kind of book. If you need the pain to stop and the healing to start, read this life-changing book and follow its instruction to freedom. (Dr. James MacDonald, senior pastor of Harvest Bible Chapel and author of VERTICAL CHURCH and ACT LIKE MEN. JamesMacDonald.org)
Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend continue to break the boundaries of incredible revelation in their new and revised edition of Boundaries. As the senior pastor of a large church, this message has not only changed my life, but the lives of my staff and congregation. If you want to learn how to have healthier relationships, you need to read this book! (Robert Morris, Founding Senior Pastor, Gateway Church, Dallas/ Fort Worth, Texas; bestselling author of THE BLESSED LIFE , THE GOD I NEVER KNEW, TRULY FREE , and FREQUENCY)
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The other issue is one of an abusive marriage. He talks about putting up boundaries and leaving for the night if these boundaries are violated. This is always done for a short period of time and then the abused spouse returns home. There are situations where this is effective. But in a true abusive situation (physical or mental) it is playing with fire to leave and return over and over. The physical abuser can be deadly. A mental abuser will learn how to better manipulate her victim without his realizing that his boundaries have been violated and thereby twisting reality even further. Any abusive person is not to be trifled with, and without genuine repentance and clear signs of change one is foolish to continue to expose themselves to that risk regardless of history, children, or feelings. For all of his insight, I am shocked that this is not made more clear.
Cloud and Townsend do a great job of using boundaries to illustrate why we grew up certain ways. For example, you probably know someone who has a money problem. He spends recklessly and doesn't really think about the consequences of his actions. This can be traced back to his parents never establishing their own boundaries. They would always bail the son out whenever he ran out of money and tell him to be better next time. They never let him "feel" the consequences. And so he never learned.
There's so many other brilliant examples of the importance of boundaries and how they affect the people around us.
I learned a lot about myself through the sections that detail boundaries with friends, family, and work. The one that impacted me the most was the section on Boundaries with Myself. I grew up with parents who while loving, also created situations for me where I was not able to feel the consequences, and so I behave in certain ways that I'm trying to fix.
When I was first referred to this book, I wasn't told this book had a heavy religious undertone (the conflict of setting boundaries and being a good person in the eye of God). I'm not religious, so the biblical references didn't really matter to me much, but that doesn't mean I can't learn from them. The concepts themselves made sense to me and I would recommend this book to anyone who believes they have boundary problems.