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Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life Paperback – October 3, 2017
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From the Publisher
- How Boundaries are Developed.
- Common Boundary Myths.
- Boundaries and Your Friends.
- Boundaries with Your Family.
- Boundaries and Yourself.
- Resistance to Boundaries.
- How to Measure Success with Boundaries.
Expanded and Updated for the Digital Age
The number one thing about boundaries: you cannot force someone else to establish them. You can only establish them for yourself. However, by doing so, you will change your life.
Originally published nearly 30 years ago, this perennial best-seller has gone on to change over 2 million lives.
This version of Boundaries is the catch-all. It briefly dives into boundaries with spouses, children, and work. For further information on specific topics, check out our titles below.
The Boundaries Family Collection
Boundaries in Dating
Between singleness and marriage lies the journey of dating. Want a smoother journey? Set and maintain healthy boundaries. If many of your dating experiences have been difficult, this could revolutionize the way you handle relationships. Even if you’re doing well, the these insights can help you fine-tune important areas of your dating life.
Boundaries in Marriage
Only when you and your mate know and respect each other's needs, choices, and freedom can you give yourselves lovingly to one another. This book helps you understand the friction points or serious hurts in your marriage, and move beyond them to the mutual care, respect, and intimacy you both long for.
Boundaries with Kids
You can say no to your child and still be a loving parent.
Child-rearing can be a struggle, but healthy boundaries are the bedrock of good relationships, maturity, safety, and growth for children and adults.
Boundaries with Teens
The teen years: relationships, peer pressure, school, dating, character. To help teenagers grow into healthy adults, parents and youth workers need to teach them how to take responsibility for their behavior, their values, and their lives.
Now updated and expanded, this classic book is more timely and relevant than ever for today’s “always on, always there” culture. If technology and social media are intruding on your life and relationships, learn from the boundaries experts how to protect yourself and the people you love. This life-changing book is still the go-to guide for healthy relationships, personal growth, and true freedom in Christ. (Andy Stanley, pastor, author, communicator, and Founder of North Point Ministries)
Of every book that I’ve read, Boundaries is the one I recommend most often. All of us can overcommit, become doormats, or find ourselves in codependent and dysfunctional relationships. Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend’s one-of-a-kind book helps guide the reader through a change in mindset that eventually leads to a change in actions. If you know you have some unhealthy patterns in friendships, at work, in your schedule, with technology or your family, this book will help you establish the boundaries you need to create the life you are supposed to live. (Craig Groeschel, pastor of Life.Church and NEW YORK TIMES bestselling author)
Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend is truly an “in case of (relational) fire---remove hammer, break glass” kind of book. If you need the pain to stop and the healing to start, read this life-changing book and follow its instruction to freedom. (Dr. James MacDonald, senior pastor of Harvest Bible Chapel and author of VERTICAL CHURCH and ACT LIKE MEN. JamesMacDonald.org)
Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend continue to break the boundaries of incredible revelation in their new and revised edition of Boundaries. As the senior pastor of a large church, this message has not only changed my life, but the lives of my staff and congregation. If you want to learn how to have healthier relationships, you need to read this book! (Robert Morris, Founding Senior Pastor, Gateway Church, Dallas/ Fort Worth, Texas; bestselling author of THE BLESSED LIFE , THE GOD I NEVER KNEW, TRULY FREE , and FREQUENCY)
About the Author
Dr. Henry Cloud is a clinical psychologist, pastor to pastors, and New York Times bestselling author. His 45 books, including the iconic Boundaries, have sold over 20 million copies worldwide. Throughout his storied career as a clinician, he started treatment centers, created breakthrough new models rooted in research, and has been a leading voice on issues of mental health and leadership on a global scale. Dr. Cloud lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Tori, and their two daughters, Olivia and Lucy.
Dr. John Townsend is a nationally known leadership consultant, psychologist, and author, selling over 10 million books, including the New York Times bestselling Boundaries series. John founded the Townsend Institute for Leadership and Counseling and the Townsend Leadership Program. Dr. Townsend travels extensively for corporate consulting, speaking events, and to help develop leaders, their teams, and their families. John and his family live in Southern California and Texas. Visit DrTownsend.com.
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Cloud and Townsend do a great job of using boundaries to illustrate why we grew up certain ways. For example, you probably know someone who has a money problem. He spends recklessly and doesn't really think about the consequences of his actions. This can be traced back to his parents never establishing their own boundaries. They would always bail the son out whenever he ran out of money and tell him to be better next time. They never let him "feel" the consequences. And so he never learned.
There's so many other brilliant examples of the importance of boundaries and how they affect the people around us.
I learned a lot about myself through the sections that detail boundaries with friends, family, and work. The one that impacted me the most was the section on Boundaries with Myself. I grew up with parents who while loving, also created situations for me where I was not able to feel the consequences, and so I behave in certain ways that I'm trying to fix.
When I was first referred to this book, I wasn't told this book had a heavy religious undertone (the conflict of setting boundaries and being a good person in the eye of God). I'm not religious, so the biblical references didn't really matter to me much, but that doesn't mean I can't learn from them. The concepts themselves made sense to me and I would recommend this book to anyone who believes they have boundary problems.
One of the most audacious, and powerful observations in this book is that for compliant people like myself, feeling guilt and experiencing pushback is a GOOD thing, as it means I'm starting to set limits and take care of my own needs (and not that I'm a rotten, selfish person as other's and my own judgmental conscious might try to convince me).
The other important concept in this book is the concept that "hurting" someone is different from "harming" them, and that by being compliant and codependent I am harming others as much as myself, all for the sake of avoiding causing short-term "hurt."
These concepts may seem obvious, or objectionable on their face, but for someone who constantly feels powerless, this book is a lifesaver.
The other issue is one of an abusive marriage. He talks about putting up boundaries and leaving for the night if these boundaries are violated. This is always done for a short period of time and then the abused spouse returns home. There are situations where this is effective. But in a true abusive situation (physical or mental) it is playing with fire to leave and return over and over. The physical abuser can be deadly. A mental abuser will learn how to better manipulate her victim without his realizing that his boundaries have been violated and thereby twisting reality even further. Any abusive person is not to be trifled with, and without genuine repentance and clear signs of change one is foolish to continue to expose themselves to that risk regardless of history, children, or feelings. For all of his insight, I am shocked that this is not made more clear.
Top international reviews
If you want to know about boundaries from the perspective of a psychotherapist read the book by Anne Katherine which is very good. I would have given this book more stars if I'd have bought it knowing it was from a religious perspective.
This is so challenging and is reshaping 36 years of indoctrination. I have been taught that to be a good Christian, a good friend, a good daughter and a good person, I must constantly deny myself, repent of my emotions, put others first, always focus on the needs of others, NEVER talk about how I feel or challenge anyone on how they are behaving because that would be selfishness, arrogance and create conflict which is the opposite to the biblical command to live in peace with everyone.
I have burnt out trying to live like this and I desperately needed a different world view but at the same time I am terrified of being selfish, immature or not reflecting God’s love and generosity because I want to please God more than anything.
Thank you God for this book! I think I will need to read it a second and third time to really absorb it all but I can see glimmers of a peace and freedom I’ve never had before. A life where I can enjoy being loved by God without feeling I have perpetual let him down by not showing enough grace or generosity. A life where I can draw my own boundaries in relationships without feeling I have denied my responsibility to be the hands and feet of Jesus. A life where I can let others make their own decisions without fearing that I will have to rush in and clear up the pieces.
I am so grateful to God for this book!
I would highly recommend this for everyone .