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Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life Paperback – April 1, 1992
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In order to call themselves good Christians, many people have drawn overly flexible boundaries (unwilling to say no, always accommodating others' needs) or overly rigid boundaries (to the point of being righteous and judgmental). Psychologists and inspirational speakers Cloud and Townsend show readers how to set reasonable boundaries in order to follow the true path of Christianity. This book has become immensely popular, most likely because it makes personal boundaries easier to define and is filled with spiritual purpose. Some cautions: the format can be overly self-helpish for such a complex discussion and the authors at one point imply that judicious spankings may be an acceptable form of setting boundaries with children. However, many Christians will probably find themselves grateful for this biblical context of boundaries. --Gail Hudson --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend have great insights and practical wisdom into the God-given gift of boundaries. As they discuss how to take responsibility for and ownership of our lives, they give hope that we cannot just survive -- but thrive! --Josh McDowell, Author, Author and Speaker
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The other issue is one of an abusive marriage. He talks about putting up boundaries and leaving for the night if these boundaries are violated. This is always done for a short period of time and then the abused spouse returns home. There are situations where this is effective. But in a true abusive situation (physical or mental) it is playing with fire to leave and return over and over. The physical abuser can be deadly. A mental abuser will learn how to better manipulate her victim without his realizing that his boundaries have been violated and thereby twisting reality even further. Any abusive person is not to be trifled with, and without genuine repentance and clear signs of change one is foolish to continue to expose themselves to that risk regardless of history, children, or feelings. For all of his insight, I am shocked that this is not made more clear.
* I received this book in exchange for my honest review.
Comment: Sounds good, but if you cut them loose and they keep calling/writing, should you just ignore them or do you have to lie and say you’re “too busy” to see them? They authors don't say.
Authors: “If the friendship atrophies due to Tammy’s unresponsiveness, then Marcia has gained something. Marcia has learned there wasn’t a mutual connection in the first place. She can grieve, get over it, and move on to find real friends.”
Comment: Again, what happens if there is truly no connection, yet one person persists? What if Tammy keeps bothering Marcia, accuses Marcia of abandoning Tammy, says that Marcia is being selfish, etc? What if Tammy shows up on Marcia’s porch and refuses to leave? Should Marcia call the police and/or take out a restraining order? The authors don't address this possibility.