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Break Through: When to Give In, How to Push Back Hardcover – May 22, 2012

4.6 out of 5 stars 85 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

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I hear from people every day who struggle with feeling controlled or manipulated by a spouse, friend, family memeber, or coworker. Finally...advice that works! 
- Lysa TerKeurst, New York Times Best-Selling Author of Made to Crave


I hear from people every day who struggle with feeling controlled or manipulated by a spouse, friend, family memeber, or coworker. Finally...advice that works! <div>- Lysa TerKeurst, New York Times Best-Selling Author of Made to Crave</div> --Lysa Terkeurst

From the Inside Flap

While most of our relationships may be healthy and satisfying, we often have one or two important people who can change the rules and drive us crazy--a deadbeat dad, an alcoholic spouse, a wayward child, a demanding boss, a lazy roommate.

When does true love give in? When does true love push back? Break Through, by Dr. Tim Clinton and Pat Springle, shows you how to love and set effective limits so that everybody wins.

Their expert insights will help you:
  • Identify why you gravitate toward certain relationships, and why you stay
  • Discern the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship
  • Live within your limits, and help others to do the same
  • Redefine love, trust, and your responsibility to the people you care about
  • Learn which choices and behaviors cause relationship troubles
  • Experience the power and freedom of forgiveness
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 279 pages
  • Publisher: Worthy Publishing (May 22, 2012)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1617950734
  • ISBN-13: 978-1617950735
  • Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.7 x 1.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (85 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #292,762 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By Kevin L. Nenstiel TOP 1000 REVIEWERVINE VOICE on May 20, 2012
Format: Hardcover
Clinton and Springle assert that many of us have flaccid boundaries and codependent relationships because we have placed others in the position reserved only for God. We may give in, rescuing the object of our devotion from the consequences of their actions, or we may dominate and micromanage their choices, or we may even flee from them; but the source remains the same. Damaged relationships are a form of idolatry.

This thesis, sure to be controversial in certain circles, manages to smoothly unify the worlds of Christian theology and psychotherapy. Both are historically based on the belief that we as humans naturally have things out of balance. And, as these and other authors have noted recently, the latest discoveries in human psychology have served to ratify the bulk of Christian insights on the soul, from Paul and Augustine to Erasmus and Calvin.

When we identify how we make idols of the people around us, we identify the tools at our disposal to correct the problem. However, because we make idols in so many different ways, any one-size-fits-all solution will fall flat. Clinton and Springle collate the various ways we as humans manufacture idols out of the people we love, and force us to ask ourselves hard questions. Only then, they say, can we address the problems.

And address them we do. Through a mix of anecdote, Socratic dialogue, and counseling, they make us take stock of how we reached the point we're at, and only then guide us on how to get back on track. I don't recall seeing a better integrated piece of Christian counseling than this. Most books lean to either evangelism or therapy, and use the other to bolster the chosen central track, but these authors treat Christianity and counseling as two halves of one whole.
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Format: Hardcover
"Crises seem utterly cataclysmic. The heartache and darkness of a crisis can be overwhelming, but God is the master of turning mourning into dancing, and darkness into light. If we step back, we might catch a glimpse of what He sees." (p. 248-249)

Break Through was a God appointment in my life. It has taught me valuable lessons about myself and how I interact with the world around me. It has helped me make sense of a series of crises in my own life, and I will be forever grateful for the insight and knowledge that I have gained from its pages. As a matter of fact, I plan to go back through the book yet again, more thoughtfully, more carefully and with another highlighter.

Clinton and Springle have poured years of knowledge and experience into the pages of this book, and it is a great tool for anyone to use to gain knowledge about God's plan for human relationships. The Bible, as always, contains clear examples and illustrations of human relationship that honors God and human relationship that destroys and leaves great hurt in its wake. Sometimes, we are so habitual in the way we interact with others, we fail to see our own weaknesses and fail to realize how our choices and behavior bring harm to others. We must learn from our bad choices and behaviors and ask God to heal us in our brokenness and guide us into His light.

Rather than presenting their knowledge in dry, psychological terms, Clinton and Springle have written a book that is easy to understand and that asks poignant questions that really shine a bright light on behavior that is harmful to ourselves and others. They take the reader through a learning process that gives them to tools they need to learn a new and healthier way to interact and love the people God has placed in our lives.

I highly recommend this book! It has been a true God-send in my life, and I will be eternally grateful for the wisdom I have gained by reading this book.
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Format: Hardcover
"To find the right balance of responsibility, some of us need to say less, some need to say more; some need to sit down, some need to stand up; some need to say no, some need to say yes." Break Through, page 190

At a clergy retreat nearly twenty years ago now, I was introduced to the concept of enmeshment in family systems. Since that time when I have done premarital counseling I have emphasized understanding family systems and how it affects one's marital relationship.

I have also thought of Abbot and Costello's classic Who's On First routine as it relates to family life. Seriously, some families know who is exactly on first. Other families are not sure who is on first, "oh the kids are out there...somewhere..." Enmeshment is a cause for both views.

Enmeshment is a relationship killer. It causes strong and confident people to lose their confidence and identity. It causes power hungry people to grow more powerful and domineering. It disables relationships, hope, love, and truth.

Dr. Tim Clinton and Pat Springle has provided us with a detailed, yet hopeful portrait of how to overcome enmeshed relationships and dynamics from a faith perspective that avoids a simplistic and "preachy" approach and tone. Break Through: When to Give In, How to Push Back (released yesterday, May 22, 2012, by Worthy Publishing ) offers some practical and helpful suggestions for learning how to deal with enmeshed relationships in marriage and family life.

The book begins with an overview of how enmeshment destroys vital relationships and is rooted in a false view of love that causes people to use denial to avoid dealing with the reality of dysfunction in a any relationship.
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