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Breaking the Bonds of Adult Child Abuse: A Biblical Textbook on Abusive Narcissistic Families, How They Operate, and How to Deal with Them Paperback – March 29, 2011

4.3 out of 5 stars 23 customer reviews

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  • Breaking the Bonds of Adult Child Abuse: A Biblical Textbook on Abusive Narcissistic Families, How They Operate, and How to Deal with Them
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 650 pages
  • Publisher: Outskirts Press (March 29, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1432766562
  • ISBN-13: 978-1432766566
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 1.3 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.9 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (23 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #945,341 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback
This book could not have been delivered at a better time. My mother has histrionic personality disorder, and my father is her enabler. For as long as I can remember, I suffered from her emotional neglect and abuse. She is a master manipulator. During my growing-up years, I simply wanted to die. How can a mother be so cruel? How can a father just sit back and watch it?

I am now 35. I broke all ties with them several years ago. I still hurt. They make sure of it. Yesterday was my birthday, and they had to stir up trouble. I turned to this book.

I have stayed out of therapy, because I did not think anyone would understand the outlandish things my mother does. Sister Renee Pittelli gets it. From an academic stand point, and from her experience, she understands narcissistic families. This is the book I have searched for for years.
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This is the third book Renee Pittelli has written, and I've purchased and read them all. All her books have helped me in coming to terms with my abusive family history.

This book is replete with insight into the painful situations common to abusive families, with the focus (for a change) being on how to support the victims, not on how to try to "understand" or "excuse" the perpetrators. Sister Pittelli provides extensive scriptural evidence of what God really requires of both parents and children in families- and it is not what our self-serving abusers told us it was! Our abusers may have demanded we "honor our father and our mother" (which conveniently may have been the only part of the bible they could quote!), but Sister Pittelli makes it clear, with biblical backup, that God never told us to honor evildoers, but rather to rebuke them and expose evil. Sister Pittelli distinguishes between those who are true Christians and those who display "psuedo-religious" behaviors while claiming to be Christian. We can indeed know people by their fruits- and a true Christian is not someone who repeatedly abuses people. This can be an area of great confusion for abused children, as their abusers often went to church and proclaimed themselves as Christians- all the while continuing to abuse us. Sister Pittelli points out that this is just more confusion created by the devil- originator of all confusion.

Sister Pittelli also points out that psychiatry/psychology has a terrible track record when it comes to curing sociopathy, narcissism and borderline personality, all of which can be characteristics of our abusers.
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Format: Paperback
Breaking the Bonds of Adult Child Abuse is a book packed with so much information on this subject that I personally know people who always keep it within arm's reach (and even in their car!) so they can refer back to it when certain family situations might arise. It is chock full of information and Bible verses that will absolutely help you get through the daily challenges of life with narcissists, deciding what to do about your family narcissists, and recovery from them after a lifetime of abuse. After reading through it I said "Wow, that's me!" quite a few times, and I feel like I now know how to deal with the situations I have been struggling with my whole life. This book is a must read, I cannot wait to see what Sister Renee has in store for us next. Thank you Sister Renee for passing down your wealth of knowledge and experience to us.
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This is an edited review. I will make a comment here that's been lacking, then leave the remaining review below. I read this book about five years ago in a quest to understand my parents and what they did to me, what was going on in their heads. In knowing Christ since then, I've found out that I am and have been narcissistic, too, that it's passed on. Reader, be careful what scarecrows you point your fingers at. In my experience, what vexes you most of often inside you, too. Yeah, my parents were narcissistic. What matters is: am I, too? And if I am, what can I do to move on?

A second remark: Pitelli presents the heresy that one should only forgive when the perpetrator is apologetic and remorseful, or at least until then one is justified in withholding forgiveness. I've lived five years since then without forgiving either of my parents. I've pretended to, even to myself. I've been self-righteous, thinking I am better than them. But in a simple review of my last relationship with a woman (we nearly married), I realized I treated her (who was like my mom) almost like I was my own father. And with these two repeating patterns, I would have despite my best efforts treated my kids like I'd been treated. Horrific.

I am still forgiving. The reason I withheld it is out of fear that if I forgave them, they would destroy me. And because growing up, forgiving was always about going back to the way things were without ever really discussing what happened to bring the bad situation up. Forgiveness meant the bad thing was forgotten about and no justice emerged. It's about losing. But with God, I see that forgiveness is letting them go of a debt, but it's also letting me go of a debt, too. Holding onto resentment just makes me bitter.
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