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Anne McCracken, coauthor of A Broken Heart Still Beats: After Your Child Dies, is a former newspaper reporter and feature writer. She lives in Maryland and is now working on other nonfiction books. She lost her young son, Jake, in 1989.
Mary Semel is a clinical social worker and a bereaved mother. In 1991,her 16-year-old son, Alexander, was killed in a car accident. She turned to reading to assuage her grief, as did Anne McCracken. As they shared our literary discoveries, they decided to compile an anthology in the hope they could help others. It became A Broken Heart Still Beats: After Your Child Dies. She currently has a private practice in which she does individual, couple, and group psychotherapy. Previously, she worked for 15 years in addictions treatment programs at two local hospitals. In one, she was responsible for conducting family therapy for families of alcoholics and drug addicts as well as individual and family counseling. Her husband, Peter, is an attorney in Baltimore, and daughter, Hilary, practices maritime law in New York.
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If someone you know has lost a child, please give them this book. They may not read it soon after the loss but when they do read it, they will discover all those feelings and thoughts they experienced and what they can do to help themselves as well as other members of the family.
Given to me anonymously after the death of a child. Helped me through some really tough times. I'd give it 5 stars but neither author is Christian. I would like to have read some references with belief in heaven.
I bought this book to send to friends who'd just lost their son to SIDS. I did read it before I sent it, and I chose it because it did not preach, give advice, or expound upon the stages of grief, etc. It's a collection of stories, essays and poems written by people who have lost children. Not sure if my recommendation counts, since I was not the intended audience. There are really no words that can comfort someone going through such catastrophic loss, but, as these editors say in their preface, sometimes hearing other peoples' stories of what they went through can hopefully give the grieving person at least some sense that they are not alone in the darkness. My friends, like so many others, have survived, but the profound sense of loss never goes away, something I thought this book illustrated quite well.
This book is exactly as described in the product description. The editors, both of whom lost a child in car accidents, have collected excerpts from articles, poems, and books that talk about the loss of a child. The excerpts come from an amazing array of materials, from ancient texts to popular music lyrics. As a piece of literature, this is an excellent collection.
However, the weight of sorrow contained in this book is overwhelming. This is not an uplifting or hopeful book and I did not derive any particular comfort from it. The emotion that was most commonly elicited from me by this book was sympathy - "Oh, these poor people! So much pain!" - and it usually made me feel even sadder. I am, by nature, a pragmatic "deal with it and move forward" kind of person and for me, reading this book felt uncomfortably close to wallowing in self-pity (emphasis on "for ME").
Do I recommend this book? I don't know. If there is one thing that has become clear since the death of my son, it is that every single person grieves and deals with the loss of a loved one differently. Some people will find this collection useful. Obviously the editors and some of the other reviewers did. And, if you have suffered through the death of your child, you will almost certainly find your own feelings and thoughts represented in at least some of these excerpts. For me, though, this book was not particularly useful nor was it pleasant to read, and it will likely end up in my "donate" pile. I suggest that you borrow a copy from the public library first and then decide whether or not it is something you wish to add to your personal library.
I highly recommend this book for anyone who has lost a loved one. I read it cover to cover, amazed to learn how many famous people, from the past to contemporary, have lost a child, as I have. It's also good as a reference when I need a quote for my newsletter or just inspiration to keep going..
My 9 year old daughter died suddenly at school almost 2 years ago. While I have continued to function and do the things that I must do, I know that I will be haunted forever by sadness and guilt (i.e. "the what-ifs") forever.
When my grief was new, "When Bad Things Happen To Good People" helped some. It gave me permission to see her death as random, horrifically bad luck. Not as a "lesson" that I needed to learn. Not as an "act of god." Not as something that I needed to accept and eventually see as part of a greater (good) plan.
I am religiously agnostic. Therefore, many of the books about grieving were meaningless to me. (Anyone who can believe in god after losing a child is beyond me....) This book allowed me to hear from other people who are pretty sure that they will not "see their child again." It talks about gut wrenching pain from many points of view - but always using the language of great writers to portray the many nuances of grieving for a son or daughter.
The unique aspects of this book have affirmed me and my process of facing an unbearable loss.
Our seven year old daughter suddenly and unexpectedly died this year. We are completely heartbroken and this was one of the first books I read on the subject. This book helped to assemble some order in my life out of the chaos that occurs with the death of a child.
After losing my 8-year-old to cancer, and faced with feelings of guilt, sorrow and frustration, this book provided me with deep validation for my feeling and much needed solace. I have since, shared this book with several grieving parents who have lost children to cancer and suicide, not as an answer, but as a potential way out of life's darkest corner.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 19, 2011
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This beautiful and painfully truthful book helps us to face an unspeakable truth and make it speakable and therefore bearable. May it continue to help the bereaved.
