- Paperback: 272 pages
- Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks; Updated edition (May 12, 2009)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0061744603
- ISBN-13: 978-0061744600
- Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 0.7 x 8 inches
- Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 70 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #252,203 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Enter your mobile number or email address below and we'll send you a link to download the free Kindle App. Then you can start reading Kindle books on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.
To get the free app, enter your mobile phone number.
Other Sellers on Amazon
+ $3.99 shipping
+ Free Shipping
+ $4.24 shipping
The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to HighSchool-How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle (Updated Edition) Paperback – May 12, 2009
The Amazon Book Review
Author interviews, book reviews, editors' picks, and more. Read it now
Frequently bought together
Customers who bought this item also bought
“An extremely helpful book that both parents and teachers can use to deal with bullying.” (Publishers Weekly)
An important look at the ways that bullied children can affirm their dignity and self-worth (Publishers Weekly)
“If you are a parent or teacher, you should read this book. (Education Today)
About the Author
Barbara Coloroso is the author of the international bestseller Kids Are Worth It! and Parenting Through Crisis and is an acclaimed speaker on parenting, teaching, conflict, resolution, and grieving. Featured in Time, the New York Times, and on many radio and television shows, she lives with her husband in Littleton, Colorado.
If you buy a new print edition of this book (or purchased one in the past), you can buy the Kindle edition for only $2.99 (Save 73%). Print edition purchase must be sold by Amazon. Learn more.
For thousands of qualifying books, your past, present, and future print-edition purchases now lets you buy the Kindle edition for $2.99 or less. (Textbooks available for $9.99 or less.)
Try the Kindle edition and experience these great reading features:
Read reviews that mention
There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later.
Cons: not enough information on what the bullied and his / her parents are to do when administrators and teachers a) fail to recognize a bully with a personality disorder that can't be addressed by existing policies / procedures, b) minimize the bullying, c) tolerate the bullying and blame the bullied for his/her behavior. What was missing: parents trust your instincts! At first sign of any those three situations, remove your child from the toxic environment: request a school change even if you have to go to the school board; move to online school / private school / charter school options; move into a different school district! It takes 3-4 times the amount of time to repair the damage done by a bully than it takes the bully to inflict it.
*what bullying is and what it isn't
*the three kinds of bullying
*the differences and similarities between boy and girl bullies
*how to read the subtle clues that a child is being bullied
*seven steps to take if your child is a bully
*four abilities that protect your child from succumbing to a bully
*why zero tolerance policies can equal zero thinking
*why contempt, not anger, drives bullying, and how to confront this in bullies.
1) It shows the bully what he/she has done wrong.
2) It gives him/her ownership of the problem.
3) It gives him/her a process for solving the problem he created- restitution, resolution, and reconciliation.
In Chapter five of her book Barbara Coloroso covers the different types of families you have:
The Brick-Wall family-
in essence is a dictatorship of control,obedience, adherence to rules, and strict hierarchy of power.
The Jellyfish family-
lacks a firm structure that is permissive
and a laissez-faire atmosphere prevails.
The Backbone family-
the parents don't demand respect they demonstrate and teach it.
The family structure that every family should be striving for is the backbone family. According to Coloroso children learn to question and challenge authority that is not life-giving.
-They learn that they can say no.
-They learn that they can listen and be listened to.
-They learn that they can be respectful and be respected
The most important thing that children of backbone families learn is to love themselves and have empathy for others.
Parents according to Coloroso must develop for their children a network of support through six critical life messages given every day:
1) I believe in you!
2) I trust you!
3) I know you can handle life situations!
4) You are listened to!
5) You are cared for!
6) You are very important to me!
7) It leaves his dignity intact!
Discipline according to Coloroso is a constructive and compassionate response to bullying that takes into consideration the intent, the severity of the deed, and the restorative steps needed to help the bully take on a new, more prosocial role.
Discipline is not judgmental, arbitrary, confusing, or coercive. It is not something we do to children. It is a process that gives life to learning; it is restorative and invites reconciliation. Its goal is to instruct, teach, guide, and help children develop self-discipline.
This book was very eye-opening for me on the damage that is done to the bystander who does nothing to help the victim. Often the victim gets over the physical hurt before the bystander ever loses the emotional trauma. This gives excellent ways to strengthen your kids and help build a more respectful world.
Recently, a woman in her 80's shared that she still felt guilty for not stepping forward when classmates teased and bullied a child in the fourth grade.
The basis for a balanced life is being kind, thoughtful and having respect for all.
Judy Helm Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, author of Out of Balance?: Be a Bounce Back Person