- File Size: 1428 KB
- Print Length: 349 pages
- Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
- Publication Date: June 7, 2020
- Sold by: Amazon.com Services LLC
- Language: English
- ASIN: B089SMPJM9
- Text-to-Speech: Enabled
- Word Wise: Enabled
- Lending: Enabled
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,912 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Bunnygirls: A Bunnygirl Harem Adventure Kindle Edition
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I think the problem is that the characters are thin and lacking dynamically. There just wasn't a lot of substance to many of them, including the main character and his original bunnygirl. Its not that they aren't described. Its rather that they just don't seem to have any life to them.
And with that lack of life, the plot threads just don't appear to work all that well. It was a major problem in the action sequences, which relied on some truly ludicrous levels of magical power and plot armor to work, but which reminded me so much of a CGI'd blockbuster movie where there is little plot, but the director uses technical wizardry and explosions to cover up for the limitations built into the story.
Its not bad, and the idea definitely has a ton of promise, but sadly for me the story didn't work.
The story is good. The pacing decent, and action believable. Characters were clear, too. I don't mind first-person writing. However, I am not a fan of that first-person storytelling bouncing from character to character. Fortunately, only the first three chapters and the last one had these annoying switches; the rest of the story kept to the MC's perspective, and that literally saved it. I write myself, and prefer third-person, but one of my most popular series is written in first-person, but a cardinal rule for me is I don't change the focus to other characters.
I think this switching was done in an effort to try an enhance the drama. In the first chapter, the character was being tortured, followed by a dramatic rescue. The second chapter had a dramatic escape and met the MC. Some readers are able to take those switches without issue. For me, it's really jarring, and I had to pause and try to figure out who the new perepective belonged to, and that brings story momentum to a crashing halt, each time it happens. I have abandoned other stories for doing this tactic too often.
Again, after the third switch (to the MC), it stayed there for all but the last chapter, allowing the story to recover and proceed without further jarring interruptions. My position as a writer is if your story needs to jump arund like that, switch to third-person to reduce the confusion, and if need be, *rework the storyline.* Yes, first-person can be more dramatic, but it interrupts story momentum when you bounce around, and personally, I think it weakens the overall story.
Another point that nearly cost a star was the editing. I like the indie writers who strive to earn a living while telling entertaining stories. I've actually come to expect a few errors to slip through, and most times the story is worth ignoring a few mistakes. This story, however, had more than its share, though. Thankfully, most of those were at the start, but that's not where you want them because that can turn more readers off so they don't bother to finish. Most of the errors were punctuation related to dialog, and all the ones I highlighted will show up on Goodreads. Besides writing, I read for other writers, and highlighting mistakes is now a habit of mine. When I see them, they jump out, and if I see a lot, it makes me wonder if an editor was even hired. Mistakes turn off readers, and if there are too many, it doesn't matter how good the story is, the ratings will bomb. This isn't Archer's first book, so hopefully this was an anomoly.
So, back to the story. The author has told a decent diverting tale, with presumably follow-up volumes if sales warrant it. There are several mysteries unresolved at the end, and the irksome first-person switch in the last chapter hinting at more yet to be revealed about magic, bunnies, hares, and wolves.
I want to recommend this story; as I said, for 85% of the tale, there were no sudden changes that forced me to stop and try to figure out what was going on. I would enjoy reading more of the story. Again, some readers are okay with such writing tactics. I'm not. The more than usual number of errors and perspective changes had me considering whether the story still had enough "hook" to push on.
Was I entertained? Yes. The bad guys were truly evil, and there were two Boss fights. But getting there was more work than I expected. Cautious 4*
The ending is such that a second book is needed. Not exactly a cliff hangar, but more would be nice. The author clearly left things so a second installment is intended if they readers like this first book.