- Paperback: 256 pages
- Publisher: Alyson Books; 1 edition (July 1, 2003)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1555837557
- ISBN-13: 978-1555837556
- Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.8 x 7.8 inches
- Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces
- Average Customer Review: 9 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,310,124 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Buying Dad: One Woman's Search for the Perfect Sperm Donor Paperback – July 1, 2003
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From Publishers Weekly
While reproductive high-tech isn't exactly gay friendly, it has revived interest in the biological clock for many lesbians who wouldn't have heard its tick years ago. Aizley, a Jewish lesbian freelance writer, and her partner, Faith, were already in their 30s when they started considering motherhood. Agreed that children didn't need dad energy, and that Aizley, being older, should get pregnant first, they faced the trickier issue of sperm sourcing. After considering some male friends, they decided an anonymous sperm donor was less problematic. At first, sperm shopping seemed delightfully empowering-"the genetic world is our oyster"-but they soon realized they hadn't thought about which attributes really mattered. Ethnicity? Intelligence? Sincerity on the writing sample? Narrowing it down to donors willing to disclose paternity when the child grew up, the couple invested enough in one donor's specimens so Faith could later produce a half-sibling. From this point, Aizley's tale reads like any woman's: failed insemination procedures, fears of fertility treatments and huge doses of self-doubt. But before long, she's pregnant. Meanwhile, Aizley's sweet mom is dying of cancer, her hetero sister is having an unbelievably easy pregnancy-the story is as addictive as a good soap. Aizley's sense of humor may turn off some (when they switch to "non-Jewish" sperm, she muses, "I hope they treat my egg with respect and roll back their foreskins before doing the deed"), but her lesbian fans-and a good many straight women-may appreciate her irreverence and her honesty.
Copyright 2003 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Two nice Jewish lesbians decided to have a baby, launching a scenario of ever-multiplying decisions. Should the requisite sperm donor be known by them or not? Black or Caucasian (for a time, Native American was definitely in the running)? Tall or short? Jew or goy? When the sperm was finally chosen, bought, and paid for, they had to decide where to conceive: fertilization at home or in a clinic? So it went when forty-ish Aizley and lover embarked on a venture that might have made the more easily daunted cry, "Oh, Mother!"--especially if their mom, like Aizley's, faced a cancer diagnosis while her daughter waited to know whether she was absolutely infertile. With indefatigable wry humor, Aizley slogged through to pregnancy, only to find that if getting there was difficult--oy veh, the rest! More decisions: risk a Jewish jinx by shopping too early? Register the fetus for day care? Perhaps anyone who has contemplated a baby will smile, chuckle, even laugh out loud at Aizley's story. Whitney Scott
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
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The reason it's oddly practical is that I actually think I picked up some concrete details on the whole process, should I ever do this--how to choose a bank, costs, what to scrutinize in donor essays, how to screen doctors and clinics for mercenary motives, how clinics SHOULD be checking for ovulation and how they SHOULD be attempting inseminations. Because the author had some bad experiences with faulty donors and lousy clinics and goes into a lot of details about specific conversations, procedures she had, etc.
We thought the author came across as neurotic and with a lot of internalized homophobia. And not in a way where you thought, "Yes, but she's struggling to deal with it and there's some hope!"