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The Callipygian Grimoire: A Discordian Activity and Spell Book Paperback – July 1, 2015
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Finally, I looked up from the sloppily crafted leaf pattern in the froth of my latest cappuccino, and there before me was The Callipygian Grimoire. At first, I was awestruck by the unexpected beauty, but the longer my eye lingered, the more I realized The Callipygian Grimoire wasn't beautiful... it was too unusual for that. Too unearthly. I was surprised when I heard my cappuccino cup shattering on the sidewalk. How had that happened? As an astute coffee snob, I never mistreat a mug, and I hadn't stood to greet The Callipygian Grimoire. No careless elbows or jumpy knees had jostled the cheap, wrought iron cafe table. I wanted to look at the mess, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the new arrival, which I was now regarding not as beautiful and welcome, but as a bleeding hole in reality.
The jagged edges of The Callipygian Grimoire danced and flickered, defining the edges of my vision, as my hands fluttered to grasp and possess. How had that happened? My hands remained in my lap; I could feel their cold weight atop my thighs, like yesterday's catch of mackerel.
As if The Callipygian Grimoire were inside my mind – and who is to say it was not? – an image of a slender ocean fish erupted into my vision, conjured by the clumsy metaphor about my lap-hands. It wriggled, and I writhed. It flopped, and I gasped for air. It bit a trawling hook, and I was pulled out of my world to die in another.
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