Customer Reviews: You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning
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on October 7, 2009
I love reading deep, thought-provoking novels; but every once in awhile I need a book that just allows me to escape. You know what I mean -- one of those books that makes you laugh out loud and possibly even snort soda through your nose! Well, YOU CAN'T DRINK ALL DAY IF YOU DON'T START IN THE MORNING by Celia Rivenbark really hit the spot for me!

YOU CAN'T DRINK ALL DAY is a collection of very funny essays that cover a little bit of everything -- from Christian action figures to High School Musical to Jon & Kate Plus 8. As a mother of a young girl who is about the same age as Ms. Rivenbark's daughter, I could relate to quite a few of her stories about being a wife and mom. There were times that I was shaking my head at her outrageous (yet hilarious) opinions about life in general, and there were other times that I was absolutely howling!

I loved Ms. Rivenbark's spot-on perspectives about life in general -- her essays were entertaining while also being extremely honest. Of course Ms. Rivenbark is Southerner, so there is a very Southern feel to this book. While I haven't lived in the South for over 20 years, her stories about the places and people came rushing back to me. But even if you aren't familiar with the South and its charm, I think you'll still appreciate her essays.

As a food lover, I really appreciated the recipes that were included at the end of some of the essays. It probably goes without saying that since Ms. Rivenbark is a Southern girl, many of the recipes were high in calories and fat (but of course that means high in taste!) and most of the recipes were extremely easy. Some of the recipes in the book that appealed to me were the Michelle's Belly-Bustin' Super Supper, "You Broke My Heart So I Busted Your Jaw" Apple Enchiladas, and Better-Than-Six-365-Nights Cake.

Prior to reading YOU CAN'T DRINK ALL DAY, I'm not sure that I was familiar with author Celia Rivenbark (although something about her is awfully familiar.) I'm pretty sure that many Southerners will recognize her though! Ms. Rivenbark has written four other funny books as well as a weekly humor newspaper column. I definitely enjoyed YOU CAN'T DRINK ALL DAY; and I'd love to revisit some of her earlier works, especially STOP DRESSING YOUR SIX YEAR OLD LIKE A SKANK -- that has to be one of the best titles evah!

I highly recommend YOU CAN'T DRINK ALL DAY if any of the following criteria apply:

- you are a woman
- you are a wife
- you are a mom
- you like reading essays
- you are a Southerner
- you like books with recipes
- you like to eat
- you enjoy funny books
- you like to laugh
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on September 14, 2009
Definitely her best effort yet. Celia Rivenbark shines when she dishes local and talks about her upbrangin' with all things Southern. Calling out Gwyneth Paltrow for trying to show us mere mortals how to live better lives made me cheer because somewhere along the line I saw a video of Paltrow with her personal trainer. Pardon me while I go eat an 8 oz. cheeseburger.

And her solid support of a few well placed @#$%^ words is really all it took for me to feel vindicated for what I said in my mind to Paltrow after seeing the exercise vid.

The last thing I have to mention is the excellent tradition of sex on bank holidays. She should be the Surgeon General of the US for this alone.

What can I say? It's funny, relaxing and a lovely thing to read while sipping your favorite toddy.
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on September 13, 2009
I have all of Celia's books and have followed her for years.

She's a take no prisoner, tell it like it is kind of gal.

Southern to the bone, but with a wicked sense of sarcasm rippling through her that most of our mammas manage to beat out of us at an early age in the pursuit of always being genteel and proper.

Let me tell you, I would sit down with Celia and shoot stories, and poppers, with her any day.

Her stories are very true to life and come from her daily experiences. Every chapter is it's own story and they range from Jesus Action figures she sees in Walmart to Mothers sending their very sick kids to school to get that perfect attendance award... while the rest of the kids catch the coodies.

Like I said, no holding back.

Grab this book - but don't read it when you're drinking hot coffee or soda - it hurts when it comes out your nose.
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on October 26, 2009
I've read all of Mizzeriz Rivenbark's books now, and I've never been disappointed. The girl is truly talented and amazingly can reach any walk of life (even a Yankee like me). I went to my local bookstore to buy it; I asked the sales clerk to look it's how that conversation went...

Me: "I'm looking for Celia Rivenbark's new book..."
Sales Clerk: "Yes, let me look it up...Celia Rivenbark..."You Can't Stop Drinking..." (then she starts laughing), "...If You Don't Start in the Morning"?!
2nd Sales Clerk: "I saw that! That looks so funny! I swear I'll have to read some of her books!"
Me: "You should!" (I start naming the other titles of her books, and the two of them are still cracking up as I'm walking to the register...)

She hits the nail on the head concerning kids, husbands, relatives, you name it...and I can't wait to try out those recipes (especially Robert Duvall's Mama's Crabcakes, they sound to die for). Having a son & husband myself (not to mention a few crazy relatives, thank God we no longer share the same last name), I can completely relate. Bless your heart, Tramp.
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on September 20, 2009
I love Celia's books... and I quite often stalk her website in the hopes that I'll maybe stumble upon an announcement of a new book... So, when a few months back I discovered a new book was indeed coming out, I pre-ordered two. (I always get two of Celia's books so that I can lend one out and keep one for my greedy self.)

You Can't Drink All Day does NOT disappoint its readers!! This book was so much fun to read and so laugh-out-loud funny that I had a hard time putting it down! I received my book on a Saturday afternoon and I did - indeed - sneak it into church with me Sunday morning. (Don't worry, we're Methodist ... it's not like I couldn't slap a "Holy Bible" slip cover on it and get away with it! huminahuminahumina)

I laughed hard and felt so connected to Celia during the entire book. I especially felt a connection when she discussed the passing of her father...having to deal with my own father's cremains not that long ago, I appreciated her tenderness and humor to a subject that's not always pleasant.

I'm already on my second reading of the book and already back to stalking her site for news of the next book... I recommend that YOU do the same! :)
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on November 2, 2009
Celia Rivenbark is smart, sassy, sarcastic, syndicated, and a bit salty at times. Her latest collection of essays puts her right up there with Dennis Miller and Dave Barry as a writer who has x-ray vision right into our culture and mores.

After honing her skills in a series of newspaper jobs, Rivenbark found her niche as a successful humor columnist. YOU CAN'T DRINK ALL DAY IF YOU DON'T START IN THE MORNING is the first of her books that I've read. And it is so good that I'm inspired to go back and read her previous works. Not only that, but I plan to keep this book on my desk at all times to give me a laugh on those days when the evening news makes me feel alternatively suicidal and homicidal.

Whether you are a Southerner or a Northerner, you will laugh out loud at the stories ranging from "fitness mommies" to "eco-geeks" (as she calls them). There's one story about crackheads that I found particularly humorous: "Take Skipper and Poo," she writes, "A local couple who were trying, despite an unfortunate addiction to crack cocaine, to have a Norman Rockwellian Thanksgiving dinner with their food-stamp turkey." This hilarious situation begins with all the best intentions, but eventually ends with Skipper tossing the cooked turkey into his bicycle basket in order to trade it for drugs.

But there's more to Rivenbark than her snarky outlook on everyday life. You see more of her softer side when she writes about her childhood and her loving relationship with her father, who unfortunately developed dementia before he passed away. While I'm certain that she takes poetic license with her anecdotes, each one has an element of reality to which we can all relate on some level. Whether we are wishing that the funeral director didn't refer to our loved one's cremated remains as "cremains," or we are watching a marathon and secretly thinking that all the runners are nuts, it is like she is speaking to the reader on a personal level.

In addition to the delightful essays, jokes and stories, the author has included some of the South's best, if not most well known, recipes, including Michelle's Belly-Bustin' Super Supper and Heavenly Deviled Eggs. Rivenbark jokes about being chubby, but she looks adorable in spite of all that wonderful Southern home cookin'. In any case, Rivenbark's latest outing is a fantastic book that will keep you laughing at the minutiae of the world outside while giving you time to reflect on your own life. Buy two copies of YOU CAN'T DRINK ALL DAY IF YOU DON'T START IN THE MORNING, so you can keep one and give the other to your best friend.

--- Reviewed by Maggie Harding
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on September 8, 2009
Both the title and the content surpass that masterwork, Stop Dressing Your Six Year Old Like a Skank. Celia's observations of pop culture (Clay Fakin' Aiken and Jon and Kate Hate) are dead-on, but it's the glimpse into her upbringing that make this book the best--the story of her precious Daddy, her facination with "pro" wrestlin' on Saturday nights and the healin' preacher who stood on a bucket. She'll make you bust out crying as she explains her precious Daddy's interest in life-insurance--"you can't be denied for any reason" but bust out laughing when you read about her Susan-Lucci like attempts to get into the prestigious Duplin County Hall of Fame with cousin-in-law Dink at the Outback. She reveals that she and Duh-Hubby have a loving and commited relationship which includes "doing it" when the banks are closed while sharing recipes from her mother-in-law, best friends and own self. You won't be drinking alone if you get the book and pop a cold one with Celia.
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on February 16, 2016
Not quite as funny as other Celia Rivenbark books that I have read, but still above average. (The other books had me in tears. Lots of odd looks from people when you are reading in a public place!). The recipes were unnecessary.
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on October 22, 2010
When times are tough and you need a laugh here's what you do, sugah -- fix yourself a tall glass of sweet tea, get yourself a dish of nuts and arrange some cheese straws, finger sandwiches and deviled eggs on a plate. Then, curl up in your favorite corner and read "You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start In The Morning" or any of Miz Riverbark's hilariously funny books. Her latest tome simply reinforces the fact that Miz Riverbark has got to be one of the funniest -- if not THE funniest -- women on the planet today. I discovered her quite by accident quite a few years ago and now I live for new material from this self-described "tarnished Southern Belle". ~sigh~ We haven't heard much from her lately as, it turns out, she's been nursing her husband (affectionately referred to as "duh-hubby" in her books and columns) during his recent cancer treatment. And, bless her heart, both she and duh-hubby manage to find the humor in that! I wish both Miz Rivenbark and duh-hubby the best. In the meantime, when skies are gray and your 401k is a shadow of its former self and you need a pick-me-up, read something -- anything! -- by Celia Riverbark. You'll be glad you did.
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VINE VOICEon December 6, 2009
I have read (and loved) all of Miss Celia's books, but I really think this is my favorite. She has the same dry, sarcastic humor as myself, so all her books are just laugh-out-loud funny to me. Almost every chapter I found to be funnier than the last. One Hot Mess Airlines had me laughing my butt off, and the one where her daughter and friend set up a Facebook account in Celia's name...HA! The more I read, the more I heard myself saying 'That's EXACTLY how I feel!' or 'Seriously, who does Gwyneth Paltrow think she IS??'. And Jon and Kate?? Don't get me started... (I'd LOVE to hear what she has to say about this whole Tiger Woods mess!).

I could go on and on and talk about how and why I loved each chapter, but I'll spare you. Basically, this is a great book and I absolutely recommend it. Really, you can pick up any one of her books and it'll be a fun read. Ms. Rivenbark, I loved the book, and can't WAIT for your next one...though I gotta say, I'm kinda hoping it's NOT about a blood sucking Bubba. I'm just not sure the world's ready for a Redneck Twilight!
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