- Paperback: 326 pages
- Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (September 10, 2015)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1517289114
- ISBN-13: 978-1517289119
- Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.5 inches
- Shipping Weight: 12.6 ounces
- Average Customer Review: 6 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #5,796,479 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Captain Bartholomew Quasar: The Space-Time Displacement Conundrum Paperback – September 10, 2015
"In one word: Rollicking. Rollicking good fun. Okay, three words." - Stephen V. Ramey, author of Glass Animals
"It's like Han Solo if he joined Star Fleet." - Mark Noce, author of Between Two Fires
"You want to slap Quasar over the head but at the same time you can't help but like the guy." - Jeff Chapman, author of Highway 24
"Captain Quasar's dashing naivety and devil-may-care attitude are so fun." - Tyrean Martinson, author of Champion in the Darkness
"Recommended for quirky space opera fans that want to laugh out loud." - Christine Rains, author of The 13th Floor
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This story is full of very well written drama and action, with humourous asides, which kept me smiling all the way to the end. Well worth a read. Definitely a new favourite book series of mine. Milo James Fowler is a name to watch for fun and interesting stories that have lots of twist, turns, and squiggly bits happening in all directions. I can't wait to read the next book in the set!
I'm no fan of "Guardians of the Galaxy" or the kind of humor that millions of Americans love, and this is right on the edge of being in that category, but, but, I *love* Captain Quasar! He's better than Hammer! He's so full of himself, and he can be such an idiot, yet he has a good heart, all in all.
My review of this novel will go live October 12, 2015, at www.PerihelionSF.com - follow Captain Quasar across the universe on his quest for the "If Only" elixer to right all his wrongs before everyone dies. That is, if it's possible to for anyone to right his wrongs. He'll have fun trying, anyway!
UPDATE: Rights to the review are now mine, so here it is, because you cannot access Perihelion's archives:
“IF ONLY. HAVE TWO WORDS EVER expressed more profound regret? Such magnificent loss?” Striking a meaningful pose, raising a clenched fist, the hero of Milo James Fowler’s “Captain Bartholomew Quasar: The Space-Time Displacement Conundrum” is on a mission to acquire an “if only” cure-all, a potable “do-over” panacea.
If only there were a “if only” elixir in real life, Fowler could use his handsome, epically heroic hero to advertise it. Then again, if everyone reads this book and sees how going back in time to fix our mistakes just leads to bigger problems, Fowler and the Captain could be stuck with a very large inventory of unsold elixir.
Captain Quasar has lost 1,490 members of his crew thanks to the near-lightspeed cold fusion reactor he installed in the Effervescent Magnitude. The only remaining crew member is the navigator, Hank the very hairy Carpethrian. There is but one solution: get to Opsanus Tau Prime and persuade the natives to share their “if only” elixir.
Much as I want that elixir myself, I’ll settle for a hilarious, fast paced, time-traveling pulp science fiction space adventure that does double duty as a cautionary tale. Or is that triple duty, or quadruple? No matter: After a prolonged diet of post-apocalyptic dystopian science fiction, I’m ready for fun and simple things, like time-travel tales.
Turns out time-travel is anything but simple. No matter. As a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, a dose of humor is just the right palliative for the cerebral, mind-bending complications of a parallel universe and the conundrum of trying to undo the past.
Quasar seems to learn precious little as he stumbles along, but he’ll never let it show. Nor will he ever let it get him down, even when it’s as hopeless as this:
All this traveling back and forth through time--what was the use? In attempting to rewrite the past, Captain Quasar had succeeded only in erasing himself from the timeline, and his crew complement of 1,491 souls as well.
Our valiant but often hapless hero is thwarted by Goobalob thugs who try to demand toll from space travelers. Quasar would rather shoot and run than submit to highway robbery. Then again, blowing a space ship out of the sky troubles his conscience. And what about those giant Amazonion women, each wielding a massive Incinerator-type weapon? How many of them must he shoot down to make his escape back to—back to—well, whatever alternate space-time continuum he keeps getting sucked into by forces unknown?
At first he thinks he’s only dreaming, but Quasar soon realizes he’s gone back in time. A long, long way back, to his first launch, when cheering crowds see him off to the farthest reaches of the galaxy, knowing there is “no one else more capable of seeing this mission to its end.” Little do they know he’s back from a future where the mission ends with him and the magnificent vessel and crew sucked into a black hole.
On the bright side, he is alive in this time frame, and his crew and his ship are back. This may be his chance to outrun those Goobablo toll collectors without annhihilating a whole spaceship full of them. Never mind that history is doomed to repeat itself, according to the wise old man that must accompany the hero of every archetypal journey. Fowler’s love of the absurd makes every trope seem fresh and original . Quasar’s guide is a massive gaseous entity who manifests as a wizened old man with the comically improbable name of Steve--and an oaken stick--and way more advice than Quasar wants to heed.
The Captain and Dennis Green’s “Traveler” are caught up in time loops that are both like and unlike the one in Stargate SG-1, Season 4, Episode 6--in fact, the episode is even cited in “Prisoner.” Detective Becker has considerably more brain power than the derring-do Captain with all his quick quips and denials. E.g., when Quasar’s navigator says Next time, keep me in the loop,
The captain knew he would, as long as he could figure out what the loop was and why it was looping in the first place.
He doesn’t figure it out. He doesn’t despair, either: … for now, he had to make it look like he knew what he was doing--which he did fairly well on a regular basis, he had to admit.
“I didn’t do anything!” Not that he could remember, anyway.
No, wait, this is my favorite-- Quasar is convinced he has become a gas like Steve, so he take a certain leap of faith, and
…he plummeted into the blinding black, screaming to his death, falling and screaming and falling some more. One thing was abundantly clear: he had not, in fact, sublimated into a gas. He was still very solid--and heavy.
If you want to know how he avoids crashing to the bottom of the abyss, you’ll have to buy the book. The answer would look fantastic in a movie. Or a cartoon.
No matter how often he’s bested, Quasar strokes his clean-shaven chin, narrows his heroic gaze and fires off a ridiculous but polite retort-- even in the face of the evil Zhan, Galactic Emperor of the Universe, who Quasar impudently addresses as Zhan, who in turn calls Quasar Mister Hero:
“My name is Captain Bartholomew Quasar--”
“To me, your name is Cannon Fodder!”
“You may wish to reconsider.”
Captain Quasar is the quintessential American, confident of his own greatness, undaunted by anyone else’s alleged superiority. He is the rugged individualist that lives forever in America’s heart of hearts. He’s the strapping, handsome, intrepid explorer of new frontiers. He’s also a buffoon, but we enjoy his little humiliations as much as Fowler clearly does. Like the classic Weebles toy (“Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qq0OQBdIhsc ), Quasar is always quick to recover his dignity and face whatever comes his way. Again. And Again. And again.
Buy Weebles at Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Playskool-18054-Weebles-Playset/dp/B003CRK5KI
Are there plot holes or flaws in the novel? Pretty much every novel I read has some. Here, I found myself speeding through some of repetitive themes or events as Quasar relives the same scenes again and again. The giant warrior women are satirized in a way that female readers may find unamusing. But with so many fun-loving, funny quips and fast-paced adventures, I won’t complain.
I have joined Captain Bartholomew Quasar on his journey through space. Fought with him, with my life, all the different types of alien species.
It was, as if I flew out with him in his famous starship to different planets to find quartz.
I really came to like him as he came into my life.
Thank you Milo for giving me the opportunity to read your story. Loved it