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The Caregiving Wife's Handbook: Caring for Your Seriously Ill Husband, Caring for Yourself Paperback – January 3, 2012
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From the Back Cover
Our AARP members tell us that one of the most difficult challenges they face is caring for a spouse or loved one who has become disabled or terminally ill. In The Caregiving Wife’s Handbook, Dr. Denholm provides the tools and practical advice caregivers need to navigate these rough waters and to emerge at peace with themselves and their loved ones.”
A. Barry Rand
About the Author
Top Customer Reviews
Denholm pulls no punches about the difficulties surrounding being either a full-time or part-time caregiver. She writes from personal experience and the experience of those who have been through the fire of frustration, guilt and exhaustion that accompanies the caregiver role.
The "Boulder Activity" outlined to help eliminate anger and pent up resentment, as well as her list of 50 "Do's and Don'ts" are well worth the price of the book alone. This is a must-have manual for anyone facing the dilemna of how to care for another while still caring about their own safety and sanity.
Her personal story coupled with invaluable guidance makes this a book a healing companion for any caregiver.
I recommend highly
I would add the most important on my personal list: Care for the caregiver first.
[On a plane, the flight attendants tell you to put your oxygen mask on first, then help the person who is most dependent on you. My daughter was outraged on one of our trips years ago at that announcement until she got the point: if daddy can't function, he can't help you. Took awhile but eventually she agreed.]
I've now mentored 18 husbands since Janet died. Just listening to them was the greatest help according to the great majority; advice is cheap and often heard by them as a criticism of their caregiving especially if the advice comes from women -- women seem to assume that the advice they receive is constructive, but how do I know if they are fuming inside if I offer one of my pearls of wisdom?
Two bits of advice that almost always help: get a dog, better yet two, and care for the caregiver first.
Dr. Denholm's top bits; some of the these are problematical for husbands in my opinion:
Don't let your husband take advantage of you or be abusive in any way. [Come on: often the patient can't help being abusive, and my hope was always that Janet did get an advantage from my care.]
Ask for help when you need it. [Tough judgment call for husbands in my experience; it's easy to ask for help when things get tough, it's easy to over-burden people who do help; it's easy to get hurt when people don't help; it's easy to become a drama queen/king; and Janet and I bonded wonderfully over time -- getting help near the end destroyed much of that bonding.Read more ›
I asked for permission to send it, and a week later my sister-in-law called to say how much she had learned. Send this book to everyone who is at any step along the way of caring for someone else!
While the book is written for wives living with terminally ill husbands, I found the personal stories and detailed advice useful for any long-term caregiver. The information included is honest and validating. Caregiving is a stressful, relentless role, which Ms. Denholm helps to make sense of, for anyone who wishes to get the answers. This book is a quick, easy read for busy caregivers.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Very thoughtfully written, supportive and helpful book. Something that can be read multiple times by those experiencing difficult times with ill spouses.Published 1 month ago by Alana
I thought this would be a book about how the wife could best care for herself, during an extraordinarily difficult time. It seems to be more about how to be nice to the husband. Read morePublished 2 months ago by Teresa G. Harris
This book really changed my attitude and gave me permission to relax, feel my feelings without guilt, and become more understanding of my husband and our situation. Read morePublished 6 months ago by Felicia Leavitt
This is a wonderful book for anyone that is going through this chapter in their life. I have given this to many of my aging clients and they not only told me they read it in just a... Read morePublished 8 months ago by Casey F.
Got my book today- skimmed thru- found a couple areas helpful.Practical Issues,esp legal & financial matters & 50 Dos and Don'ts. Read morePublished 10 months ago by Amazon Customer