Changes That Heal: How to Understand the Past to Ensure a Healthier Future Mass Market Paperback – December 6, 1996
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From the Back Cover
About the Author
Dr. Henry Cloud is an acclaimed leadership expert, psychologist, and New York Times best-selling author. In his leadership consulting practice, Dr. Cloud works with both Fortune 500 companies and smaller private businesses. He has an extensive executive coaching background and experience as a leadership consultant, devoting the majority of his time working with CEOs, leadership teams, and executives to improve performance, leadership skills, and culture. Dr. Cloud lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Tori, and their two daughters, Olivia and Lucy.
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Our perceptions and God's perceptions and how completely opposite they can navigate in our minds.
Healing begins with renewing our minds and how exactly to go about it.
Fear Not God commands be of good courage and look within.
Dr. Cloud is one of my very favorite authors.
It has sections that discuss the balance of grace and truth, bonding, boundaries, good and bad, and being a mature adult. It has been used by the Lord to bring true freedom in my life, in which I am pursuing God out of love, not compulsion. There is much truth presented, but it is presented in love and brings hope.
I have a notebook with things I am learning from 'Changes that Heal' from which comes the following: It confirmed my need for genuine relationships with other people - which I knew at some level before, but understand more fully now. It helped me identify healthy relationships and those which are not. Knowing what we are responsible for and what we are not is also very freeing. I feel empowered to be who I am without apology but also to recognize my weaknesses (without shame) and how to get better. I am still processing how we tend to separate good and bad in us and others and how that affects us, which has been key for me. 'Changes that Heal' also helped me see how adult relationships are intended to work and how feeling 'one up' or 'one down' to other adults (including parents and adult children) affects our relationships. It helped me understand the stages children go through and appreciate why teen years can be very difficult and their striving for independence. Dr Cloud also discusses in each section what happens when things go wrong, giving real examples of people affected and how they got better.
I have purchased 10 copies of this book for friends and recommend it without reservation.
It was divided in 1. The balance of grace + truth + time
2. Bonding: we need to bond. Why we don’t. What to do.
3. Boundaries: we need boundaries. Why we don’t have any. What to do.
4. balance good and bad
5. Adulthood: becoming mature adults. Why we don’t. Why we live a one up- one down situation in life always. The role of passage of adolescence has. If we didn’t go thru the developmental stages we never grew up. We struggle with authority. We find partners that become our parents. Etc.. all because we didn’t go through the stages we were supposed to go through.
What to do: change these patterns. Keep at it. Work on them. Practice. Grow and heal.
What a brilliant book.
Please read it will change your life. 🙏🤍✨
Top international reviews
I actually passively enjoyed life attending boarding school and going to university until I encountered depression a couple of years ago at the age of 20. Since then, I've embarked on a journey to finding healing for the internal issues of my heart and mind.
The revelation of the need for unity between 'grace and truth' in relationship has enabled me to see how past relationships and beliefs led to fear in relationships, shame, hiding in relationships. Dr. Cloud states honestly that grace without truth is license and only perpetuates immaturity, whilst truth without grace is judgement which only leads to fear, loss of connection, powerlessness. The unity of both however allows complete acceptance of the current state whilst truthfully confronting character issues that need to be dealt with in order to achieve greater emotional health and success in life. The realization that I have both these in Christ and can have them in healthy relationships with safe people, has given me hope for future relationships. This grace and honesty in love is the only thing that will bring safety and intimacy in emotional connection, which is the only thing that will heal and bring fulfillment and joy in our lives.
The 'sorting out good and bad' section has challenged distorted beliefs that have been detrimental to the way I have related to the world. The realization of the reality that both good and bad co-exist in the world and people is allowing me to accept the way the world and people are. Of course this doesn't mean that we need to tolerate evil, but if something/someone 'misses the mark' one time, we don't have to judge or condemn them for their imperfection. I can learn to extend grace as opposed to exercising judgement which only leads to unforgiveness and resentment.
This book really is like looking in a mirror - the insight and knowledge has led to a clear understanding of why I behave and act the way I do. It reveals the root issues of learned behaviour patterns, but also gives steps in dealing with these and reverting to healthy patterns that will lead to greater emotional health.
I bought this book because I was desperate to step out of depression and into the abundant life Christ paid for us. I can honestly say that the wisdom in this book has given me tools that I know will lead to greater joy which is only found in healthy intimate connection with God and others. We were designed for relationship therefore it is the only place we will feel the most fulfilled and satisfied with life. I definitely have a lot more hope for a more healthily connected and joyful future now :)
This is so good I keep giving it away and buying more. Easy to read and informative. It really does what it says on the cover, helps to understand how the past affects the present but doesn't encourage us to blame it and do nothing.