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The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism Paperback – March 26, 2013
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“The top book I’ve read all year.”
—Dr. Tina Seelig, Executive Director for the Stanford Technology Ventures Program (STVP), the entrepreneurship center at Stanford University's School of Engineering, and author of inGenius: A Crash Course on Creativity .
“Olivia Fox Cabane offers hands-on advice and a practical guide to humanizing leaders without comprising integrity or authority. She focused on the ‘it’ factors that can make a real difference.”
—Laura Lang, CEO, Time Inc.
“Cabane has done us a big favor. She’s woven solid science and engaging narrative into an instructive treatment of the role of charisma in leadership—a topic that (until now) we only poorly understood.”
—Robert B. Cialdini, author of Influence
“If you are interested in increasing your ability to be charismatic in your unique setting or employment, this book will give you direct skills to use.”
“The Charisma Myth is an easy read, effectively integrating stories and research, strategies and applications, techniques and practices.”
— New York Journal of Books
“We can’t all be as charismatic as Alexander the Great or Madonna, but with Cabane’s help, we can sure get close!”
—Marshall Goldsmith, author of Mojo
About the Author
Olivia Fox Cabane has lectured at Stanford, Yale, Harvard, MIT, and the United Nations. As an executive coach to the leadership of Fortune 500 companies, her clients include Google, Deloitte, and Citigroup. She is a regular columnist for Forbes and has been featured in The New York Times, Bloomberg BusinessWeek, and The Wall Street Journal. For more information about Olivia Fox Cabane, please visit: AskOlivia.com
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Top Customer Reviews
I don't really gush about things. If anything I tend to be very demanding and therefore very critical. Like I said, I think most books in this genre are essentially useless.
The Charisma Myth is a truly phenomenal book. It's so good that I have recommended it to several of my colleagues and it has already changed the way I manage my team and relate to my coworkers. In fact, my first gut reaction when I read it was "I guess I should stop speaking, now, because everything I'd want to talk about is covered in here."
Here's the thing: most of these kinds of books give you a few things:
1. Platitudes: useless, pithy sayings.
2. Random Anecdotes: stories that don't really offer any takeaway you can act on.
3. Abstract Imperatives: things like "be a good listener!" If you're not already a good listener that's kind of like saying "Roast Beef Recipe: Get some beef and roast it." It's not helpful - it doesn't tell me what actual specific actions to take.
Here's what this book gave me:
1. Extremely concrete, specific actions: Every piece of advice about conduct or mindset is accompanied by direct actions to take. When you're in a conversation and find your mind drifting, bring it back to a physical sensation in the present, like the feeling in your toes. That's just one example of many, but they're all things you can actually DO, not abstract imperatives like "be a better listener" or pithy-but-vapid stuff like "smile more!"
2. Visualizations: I've never seen anyone push visualization like Olivia does. She makes the compelling point that visualization is something top athletes and actors have known about forever. In my talks I've always felt slightly uncomfortable urging people to do visualizations, but not anymore, not after reading this. She runs through a lot of specific visualizations, and they're immediately useful practices.
3. Taxonomies: Of the most useful business and management blogs I read, some of their most useful posts (I'm thinking of randsinrepose.com, for example) are taxonomies. "The five kinds of meeting attendees." "The four kinds of firefighting." Or whatever. These are helpful to me because by enumerating a problem space as a handful of distinct categories they help me crystallize my own thinking about it. Olivia does this when she enumerates the four kinds of charisma. Look, I think I'm a good manager and leader, an empathetic guy and good at my job, I'm not gonna lie, but I'd never thought about it in this way. This was pretty eye-opening to me. I read this part and thought, oh yeah, I've got the "focus" and "kindness" charisma but less of the "authority" and definitely least of all the "visionary" charisma. And that gives me specific things to work on, and a way to understand why I'm better at motivating people in certain circumstances rather than others.
To anyone who wants to be more charismatic: to be more successful at work, more able to positively influence those around them, more able to open up and make real connections with others, and just more able to lead a rich and happy life - and I know how this sounds, I swear I don't usually gush like this! - this book tells you everything you need to know. Everything! No other book I've read does that.
To be clear, that's like saying Rippetoe's "Starting Strength" tells you everything you need to know to be a very good, extremely strong weightlifter. You still have to do a ton of really hard work! This book doesn't make you magically charismatic. But it gives you direct, specific, applied practices that, if you do them, will make you more charismatic and enrich your life. Of all the pop psychology, management, leadership, and professional self-help books I've ever read, I cannot say that about a single other one.
I give this book my absolute highest recommendation. It is absolutely superb. I don't say that lightly.
I got this book mainly so I could better improve my interaction with friends, and the tools I found in this book have impacted my life in such a way that I never expected. Now I recommend this book to anyone who struggles with friendship problems, social situations, business situations, or even self-esteem. I have never expected to learn so much from this book and would recommend it to anyone.
There is a wealth of great information in this book, and what I really appreciate is the many references to concrete academic studies which have proven the points being made in the book.
If you are going to benefit from this book, do the exercises and try to internalize as much as you can to keep applying it to your everyday life.
The first thing I tried to apply was being present in conversations to be a better listener. The first time I tried this on somebody they spoke for almost 2 hours straight about their day. They were happy because they were truly being listened to and I was enjoying seeing how uplifting it was for them to have the spotlight shone firmly on them.
To start focusing on the interview I spent ages practicing handshakes with a partner, there is so much more to a good handshake than simply a firm grip. Once you have your own handshake down, you can't help but begin to accessing somebody you meet by observing their handshake.
I found on my interview day, as I shook hands with people, I felt more in control when
they had limp handshakes, as if I knew they had just given me an upper hand so to speak, like a poker playing reading tells.
On my interview day I made sure to speak slowly and lower my tone at the end of sentences and threw in many, many random pauses and waited two seconds to speak before responding. All of these are some of the early tips in this book to increase your charisma.
But being charismatic isn't just about outward things such as good handshakes and controlling how you speak, it is mostly skills with dealing with internal things, because these internal things control how you are presented to the world, which in turn controls how charismatic you are.
The responsibility transfer worked really well, I continuously did it in the days leading up to the interview, so much so
that when I had the interview I was as calm as a tibetan monk. I didn't need to do it on the day, because by the time I went there
I had psychologically absolved myself from responsibility.
Even the stuff on Impostor Syndrome helped me, on the way to the interview I found myself negatively telling myself that I wasn't
good enough for the role and that the interviewers would take me to pieces. I just stepped back, looked at the thoughts as if I were
an observer rather than trying to fight them, and I also reasoned that everybody has these feelings and feels like they are impostors
when pushed out of their comfort zone.
Before each of the interviewers walked I followed the tips on warmth, so that I could greet each one with a real level of warmth and I then found every
interviewer was really warm and friendly the whole way through in response to this.
I gave this book 5 stars, because it made a measurable difference in how I carried myself going into a tough interview. If you want to get ahead in today's world you need to have great soft skills to compliment your hard skills. This book will seriously raise the bar on your soft skills.
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