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From Charm to Harm: And Everything Else in Between With a Narcissist (Narcissistic Abuse and Recovery) Paperback – March 1, 2016

by Gregory Zaffuto (Author)

403 ratings

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You try to understand how another human being could psychologically terrorize you in the manner that the Narcissist you were with did to you. You loved this person and they SAID they loved you back. They participated in the relationship and it seemed like ‘normal’ reciprocation as far as them loving you back. BUT today you are looking at this relationship and wondering HOW did this turn around in such a hideous manner that you feel so lost, so confused, so broken, and disabled. What did you do wrong, why did this person that you loved unconditionally now seems to hate you and blame you and WHAT IS THE REASON? They have probably moved on very quickly and are with someone new and they are saying that they are in love and it is amazing. They are also saying that they basically had to run from YOU because you were impossible to deal with, or perhaps you have mental health issues, OR you abused them. You feel frozen in time, very vulnerable, and in shock or better yet traumatized from this and you want to dig through all of the layers and understand this so you can move on, BUT YOU JUST CAN’T SEEM TO DO SO. Family and friends are there to support you but more than likely it is to give you a small pat on the back and say time will heal your wounds, or you HAVE to move on, OR how could you stay in this relationship for as long as you have if it was this bad. When you try to tell your story it is so incredulous that most people seem to be in shock over the allegations that you are proposing about the relationship. In turn you only feel like you are the problem and you blame yourself even more and MAYBE you start to believe that you were the problem just like that Narcissist said. You feel like your spirit is gone and your whole belief system has been thrown out the door about life. Where do you start, how do you turn off the many negative messages? How do you reclaim your spirt and join life again? Who do you go to for the help that you need and WHY is this taking so long to get over? Every day is a struggle and you want this to stop NOW and you want to move on. You have heard ‘things’ your Narcissist has said about you to the very people you love in your life and now they may be challenging you or questioning this from the Narcissist’s point of view. You are defending yourself when you shouldn’t have to. Again you are feeling you are the problem here and all of this has become insurmountable. Well I totally believe you, I totally understand what you are going through and I am going to explain this abuse in a manner to educate you, as well as help you embrace this in a manner to achieve closure on your own. I am going to try to explain as much of this as I possibly can to help you get through this and achieve that “Ah Ha’ moment where you do ‘GET THIS’. I am going to do this in a manner that goes beyond the clinical definitions and put it out there in a raw manner with real definitions and explanations from the perspective of a person that has gone through this and returned back to a normal lifestyle. With each and every separate topic I am going to keep bringing you back to some of the same specific points I may have already covered in a manner that not only defines a specific situation but constantly reconnects it to the bigger picture! I will repeat and connect thoughts in each chapter because there is no real ‘rhyme or reason’ to this abuse, only the truth and facts that every target/victim of this abuse experiences the SAME thing. That is what I am trying to connect you to! Each chapter is its own separate story so you can read a chapter at a time, return and connect to a new definition that brings you back to a little more of the truth and understanding the total picture step by step.

Print length

286 pages
Language

English
Publication date

March 1, 2016
Dimensions

6 x 0.65 x 9 inches
ISBN-10

1523820179
ISBN-13

978-1523820177
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Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (March 1, 2016)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 286 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1523820179
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1523820177
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 13.6 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.65 x 9 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #334,746 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #466 in Abuse Self-Help

Customer Reviews:
403 ratings

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403 global ratings

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Wynne Virgo

Excellent summation of the trauma associated with Narcissistic Abuse

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on April 13, 2016

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I appreciate that this book is written by a man; much of the literature surrounding Narcissistic relationships is written by women; the male voice is refreshing.

I recommend From Charm to Harm if you are looking for a better understanding the similar (sadly) aspects and effects of being in a romantic relationship with someone that you thought loved you, but ended up, in Zaffuto’s words, psychologically raping you. I have never heard the previous phrase, but it resonated with my experience of being involved with a classic Narcissist; Psychological/Mind Rape.

From Charm to Harm is more an informal conversation you wish you could have with your family and friends, about your experience, than a clinical textbook about Narcissist Personality Disorders. People that have not experienced Narcissistic abuse will NEVER understand. Zaffuto’s book helps validate and articulate the experience.

Zaffuto points out that the wounds from the abuse is deeply rooted in the subconscious and is not something one can just “get over it and move on” like friends and family suggest, leaving the victim feeling more isolated and confused. We function, but not as we once did before we got tangled up with these monsters. Friends do not understand victims need to keep repeating things over and over to “purge” the abuse outward. Reading and reading that it was not me (which blaming and projecting are one of their favorite torture tools) that caused the abuse to happen, these people have deep mental health issues that can never be fixed, because they are FINE with using and abusing people, other’s exist only as objects to serve their needs, OUCH!

“Narcissists break people with emotional, psychological and verbal beatings because they are just that sadistic.”

Gregory Zaffuto’s writing is spot on addressing the experience and the TRAUMA associated with Narcissistic abuse. I highly recommend it if you are trying to understand the truth and recover your soul from the experience of being targeted by one of these creatures

69 people found this helpful

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Janét Bowerman Kindle Customer

Very informative! Must read

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on August 24, 2022

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Very informative! Great read in dealing with a narcissist. One of the best books on subject

One person found this helpful

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Karen Ulrich

Mandatory Reading for Mental Health Professionals - Lifeline for Victims

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on July 2, 2021

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This book is inspired and should be MANDATORY for ALL MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS who misdiagnose the damage that narcissistic abuse causes victims. Chapter 31 on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is spot on to the reality of what victim’s experience.

Mental health "professionals" misdiagnosis victims of narc abuse with everything from bi-polar to psychosis. They have no clue the damage and resulting C-PTSD. I have talked to hundreds of victims who were involuntarily committed by narcissistic psychopaths as "insane" or "crazy" which is how the abusers make you feel living under THEIR mental ILLNESS.

Victims, I promise, this author understands you and he provide real help and hope to dig out from the massive crater of damage narcissists do to victims lives.

Find him on Facebook at After Narcissistic Abuse - There is Light, Life, & Love. He has excellent content and responds personally to messages with genuine compassion.

18 people found this helpful

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Les Barker

and to that end they will not be disappointed. The author's descriptions of a number of relational situations ...

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on July 20, 2016

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The tone of this book is empathetic and factual, as I am sure was the author's intent. He tries very hard to convey the core principles of the destructive nature of Narcissism, and reassures his reader that a failed relationship with a Narcissist is "not their fault." But to be totally fair, the book appears to demonstrate that proof reading and editing are lost arts or ones which publishers choose not to employ. Grammatical and repeated usage errors as well as numerous typos are quite off-putting, and for this reader, seriously detract from any authoritativeness of the work in general. The author's personal history seems to be dwelt upon well beyond simple points of illustration, and rather conveys a tone of his own need to both "vent" and recover from his situation. For many readers, however, the elements of identifying a Narcissistic relationship and the tools for recovery therefrom are the reasons for the purchase of this book, and to that end they will not be disappointed. The author's descriptions of a number of relational situations are spot on with my personal experience, and I'm sure others will relate similarly as well. As "therapy," this book may be quite helpful to anyone trying to recover from or living in such a relationship.

12 people found this helpful

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Top reviews from other countries

Moda

Brutally honest most helpful book ive read

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on April 11, 2018

Verified Purchase

Brutally honest and a fantastic informative book on a true narcissist. Ive been unlucky enough to be in what i thought was a relationship and was trapped in a web of toxic lies, hearbreak and negative patterns for years after the break up. Not all narcs are the same, many are not physically abusive nor have angry outbursts or heated arguments however this doesnt mean its not abuse. Even when its done in a calm and calculated manner the attributes of their psychological abuse is just the same. Recently after studying behavioural therapy and psychology i wanted to know more in depth information which was written in a more down to earth and easy to read and relate to. This book gives you it all ! Anyone who has been in a relationship or dating a narcissist will recognise all the traits, lies, manipulation and the terrible feelings and emptyness and worthlessness your left with. The book confirms all the red flags, explains the reasons for their actions and gives explanations to why they treat you the way they do and how to recover and regain your sanity !! It changes your attitude and explains how to avoid the traps and why no contact is so important. I cant recommend this book enough. I found it really helpful in clarifying the reality of the worse years of my life . Its easy to understand and dare i say a satisfying but blood boiling read ( how did we fall for it and allow it ? Well it happens to the best of us. If im ever unlucky to meet another Narc he wont get one foot through the door.

22 people found this helpful

Pen

Raw, repetitive and weak on solutions

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on August 26, 2020

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Zaffuto's writing comes across as very raw - like he is in the middle of his catharsis while working through the aftermath of a failed relationship with a narcissist. In that respect, it is very much like Zari Ballard's "When Love is a Lie". In both these books, their partners have multiple affairs on the go and both authors assume (wrongly) that this is always the case with narcissists. They also broke up with their partners every other week and had separate houses.
Both authors have a roughness to their writing - plenty of swear words in Ballard's case and an overdose of capitalised words in Zaffuto's text - as if he is shouting at the reader. Zaffuto incorporates the usual manipulative tactics: gaslighting, projecting, triangulation, idealize-devalue-discard, silent treatment, smear campaign, raging and acting out, etc., etc. into a text that is extremely repetitive and angry.
One key weakness of the book is how little advice is included about how to deal with a narcissistic partner. Zaffuto's prescription can be summarised as 1) go slowly into the relationship 2) set strong boundaries when you are in the relationship and 3) have zero contact when you come out. There is very little explanation beyond these headlines. If you want a less venomous text with more instruction, read Morningstar's "Out of the Fog" or Mirza's "The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist".

4 people found this helpful

Elena bibic

Poorly Written, Grammatical errors , repetitive.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on September 14, 2019

Verified Purchase

I don’t often write a review, but this book has serious punctuation and grammatical errors. The sentences are way too long, making it difficult To read . It almost reads like a foreign translations . There are capital letters and exclamation marks everywhere. Completely unnecessary. The book is repetitive, same things written in a different way. I found myself just skipping pages. I recommend Psycopath Free by Jackson McKenzie. Properly written.

2 people found this helpful