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Nina W. Brown
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Children of the Aging Self-Absorbed: A Guide to Coping with Difficult, Narcissistic Parents and Grandparents Kindle Edition

by Nina W Brown (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 190 ratings
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Growing up with a parent who is self-absorbed is difficult, and they may become more difficult to deal with as they age. This essential book shows how to cope with your aging parent's narcissistic behavior, and provides tips to help protect yourself and your children from their self-absorbed, destructive actions.

As your self-absorbed parent grows older and becomes more dependent on you, hurtful relationships may resurface and become further strained. In the tradition of Children of the Self-Absorbed, author Nina Brown offers the first book for adult children of aging narcissistic or self-absorbed parents. You will learn practical, powerful strategies for navigating the intense negative feelings that your parents can incite, as well as tips to protect your children from the criticism, blame, or hostility that may exist between you and their grandparent.

In this book, you will gain greater awareness of how and why your parent's self-absorbed behaviors and attitudes get worse, and develop strategies to manage the negative feelings that can arise as a result. You'll also learn to reduce the shame and guilt that may be felt when you feel like you don't want to be a caretaker.  Finally, you'll learn to set limits with your parent so you can stay sane during this difficult time.

Having an aging parent can be stressful enough, but dealing with an aging narcissistic or self-absorbed parent is especially challenging. This essential guide will help you through.
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  1. Print length
    226 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Sticky notes
    On Kindle Scribe
  4. Publisher
    New Harbinger Publications
  5. Publication date
    September 1, 2015
  6. File size
    1138 KB
  7. Page Flip
    Enabled
  8. Word Wise
    Enabled
  9. Enhanced typesetting
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  10. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Narcissism expert Brown (Children of the Self-Absorbed) delves into the challenges of interacting with family members whose difficult personalities are exacerbated by age. She outlines changes brought on by advanced age, from physical to existential, and lists the four most common types of self-absorbed parents: clingy, suspicious/defensive, arrogant, and belligerent. … A section on protecting the feelings of spouses and children while around the parent in question is particularly helpful, with strategies for anticipating conflict and intervening when necessary. Additional exercises will help readers release negative feelings, visualize a safe space to retreat to, and build up self-esteem with positive affirmations. … Brown’s tactics may help keep the peace.”
—Publishers Weekly

“Nina Brown lights the way, helping you navigate the roller coaster of caring for narcissistic, aging parents and grandparents. This groundbreaking book introduces valuable exercises and practical advice to strengthen your resilience and protect you from taking in the negativity of your self-absorbed parents.”
—Ann Steiner, PhD, MFT, CGP, FAGPA, faculty of The Psychotherapy Institute, board member of the American Group Psychotherapy Association, and author of How to Create and Sustain Groups that Thrive

“This new text by Nina Brown makes clear the impact of self-absorbed parents and offers some useful techniques about what to do about them. … Written in an easily accessible and commonsense tone, [Children of the Aging Self-Absorbed has] something to offer for those with relatively little background in psychology and human development theory, as well as those with considerable experience. … Brown takes the reader through the basics of coping with a problem that is faced by a good deal of the early, middle, and later adult population. … This text is a useful and practical review of the issues involved with parent-child dynamics in the adulthood years and provides some solid structure for describing, categorizing, and responding to these issues in an effective manner.”
—Joshua M. Gross, PhD, ABPP, CGP, psychologist and director of group programs at The University Counseling Center at Florida State University, where he practices group and family psychology as well as trains and supervises doctoral and post-doctoral trainees

“Children of the Aging Self-Absorbed fills an important niche in the self-help literature: dealing with aging, difficult, narcissistic parents and grandparents. The book is a guide for adult children of such parents, and offers much wisdom. Brown delineates four types of self-absorbed parents—Clingy, Suspicious-Defensive, Arrogant, and Belligerent—and provides excellent strategies for managing interactions with each type of parent. The book has useful exercises designed to help readers manage their side of these very difficult relationships more effectively. The overriding message is that the adult child must—and can—let go of hoping to change the parent and instead develop self-protective coping behaviors. This book is a good resource for anyone dealing with an aging self-absorbed parent or grandparent, as well as for therapists helping their clients in such situations.”
—Eleanor F. Counselman, EdD, ABPP, CGP, LFAGPA, president-elect of the American Group Psychotherapy Association, and assistant clinical professor of psychiatry, Harvard Medical School

About the Author

Diana Blue received her BFA in drama from Hofstra University and her MA in theater education from Emerson College. She is a classically trained actor, choreographer, and voice performer who resides in Connecticut. She has lent her voice to many promos, commercials, and TV voice-overs. Additionally, she is passionate in her work as a K-12 theater educator and director.

Nina W. Brown, Ed.D., LPC, is a professor and eminent scholar in the Educational Leadership and Counseling Department at Old Dominion University. An expert on narcissism's effects on relationships, she is the author of many books, including Children of the Self-Absorbed, Working with the Self-Absorbed, and Whose Life Is It Anyway?

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B010CKAF3O
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ New Harbinger Publications; 1st edition (September 1, 2015)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ September 1, 2015
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 1138 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 226 pages
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 190 ratings

About the author

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Nina W. Brown

Nina W. Brown

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Nina W. Brown, EdD, LPC, is professor and eminent scholar in the Educational Leadership and Counseling Department at Old Dominion University. An expert on narcissism's effects on relationships, she is the author of ten books, including Children of the Self-Absorbed, Working with the Self-Absorbed and Whose Life is it Anyway?

Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
4.4 out of 5
190 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Free2Bme
5.0 out of 5 stars The Right Book at the Right Time
Reviewed in the United States on February 1, 2018
Verified Purchase
This book was a Game-changer for me! And I am so grateful to Nina Brown for sharing her warm wisdom.

I have been struggling for two decades to understand and break through the “spell” of a difficult childhood, to get to the place of “compassionate detachment” with my family of origin. My own values urged me to stay “in contact”, but even phone calls left me reactive and hurting.

I’ve run across many excellent authors over the years and benefited from kind, skillful therapy. Undoubtedly there was a cumulative effect in play, and that this was “the right book at the right time”.

This book is engaging, clear, infinitely practical, and profound. I found the Exercises hugely instructive & helpful. The constant focus is on teaching the Adult Child the Whys & Hows of protecting him/herself from an Abusive crazy-making Parent.

Perhaps my Biggest Take-Away (and there were many ah-hah moments) was this:
I am in absolutely unique relationship with Mother.
Other people (especially other family members) do not experience her as I do.
Given everything, MY Experience is completely understandable and undeniably VALID, even if they don’t understand.

A Mountain of Guilt has simply vanished. I no longer feel compelled to defend my point of view to anyone, including me.

An investment well worth the time & money! Try it …. and see for yourself.
70 people found this helpful
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OPAL
5.0 out of 5 stars This book validated what I had been feeling
Reviewed in the United States on August 17, 2016
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I am sad to say I needed to read this book and I hope the parent will never find out my amazon review....but it was so helpful and informative. I suppose any and all of us who are lucky enough to have parents that are aging. ( I realize so many have lost their parents, and I am happy I can try to resolve these things for myself while they are still alive!) .... This book helped me figure out the painful patterns, and it validated what I had been feeling since I was in kindergarten but never knew the words! Only the feelings....I have put a few of the suggestions in practice and the past few weeks I have truly felt lighter and more aware, more able to have a relationship more on MY terms.
43 people found this helpful
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Indigo Crow
4.0 out of 5 stars Offers insight into common issue.
Reviewed in the United States on June 24, 2016
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My elderly self-absorbed parent consumed so much of my life that I didn't find the time to read this until after she was gone. I don' t know for sure if the reading would have helped me during her lifetime, but I do know it helped me with closure after she was gone. This is a very insightful and compelling book on an important and common issue. I recommend it either way.
37 people found this helpful
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Poppy Simms
5.0 out of 5 stars very helpful
Reviewed in the United States on November 7, 2015
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Terrific. I'm starting to read others on the topic, and this one is very helpful in a practical way. If we do not cut off ties with this person, how do we stop from going even crazier than they have made us? This book gives direct advice and actual exercises for handling the person, and handling the emotions that are sent reeling from the interaction. The guilt feelings from this type of detachment hits me hard, so I wish that were addressed more, but it is in book "will I ever be good enough", daughters of narcissists. Good for men too no doubt. Between two books I feel forearmed for interaction, since my aging parent needs more help and I gotta take the high road and not just change my phone number...sigh
54 people found this helpful
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Carla Nelson
3.0 out of 5 stars Not exactly what the title indicated - I wanted more info on the AGING narcissist.
Reviewed in the United States on November 3, 2022
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I had high hopes for this book because it seemed dead-on at first, but I just finished it, and basically it just turned out to be a lot of basic information and exercises for people who hadn't had any therapy for, or awareness of, the wily ways of their narcissistic parent. Tons and tons of stuff on how to change your own behavior (because you will never change your parent's behavior), which is all valid, but that's not helpful for those of us who have done research and/or therapy and already have a good handle on how to behave with the narcissistic parent. I really thought the book would start with the premise that the reader knows all about narcissism, and then give a lot more descriptions and information on how AGING changes the narcissist. I didn't get enough of that, just the statements here and there that their already existing traits will just be exaggerated and get worse. Change the title please, to be more accurate. This book is really just basic (albeit thorough) information on how to deal with any narcissist in your life.
23 people found this helpful
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Jane Eyre
5.0 out of 5 stars ... topic and this is by a wide margin the best. Instead of getting mired in the aged parent's ...
Reviewed in the United States on April 14, 2016
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I've read many books on this topic and this is by a wide margin the best. Instead of getting mired in the aged parent's point-of-view (which you probably know all too well) it gives practical advice about how to peacefully and simply psychologically separate. Too many books on this subject suggest techniques, exercises or strategies which would only work with rational sane parents and which in the case of narcissistic parents would only draw you further into their personal hell. This book is practical and honest. A great resource!
69 people found this helpful
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LAllen
5.0 out of 5 stars Great for those trying to figure it out
Reviewed in the United States on February 26, 2021
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Lots of good exercises and ideas to help someone figure out how to handle the feelings and life circumstances of an aging self absorbed parent. It's been a very helpful read.
One person found this helpful
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Just Michelle
4.0 out of 5 stars Tired of the Mama drama.
Reviewed in the United States on January 26, 2016
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This book is very helpful to help me realize the severity of my parent's self absorbed personality disorder. I appreciate the encouragement of how to defuse my own self-absorbed tendencies that I learned from my parent. I also appreciate the recommended coping techniques suggested, though many times I think more concrete examples would have been WAY MORE helpful, as some of the suggestions are too general and vague.
13 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Nussini
5.0 out of 5 stars Ein Augenöffner!
Reviewed in Germany on July 7, 2019
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Ich kann dieses Buch nur jedem empfehlen, der als Erwachsener noch immer unter seinen (alternden) egozentrischen Eltern leidet und nicht weiterweiß. Es ist so hilfreich und praktisch! Vor allem die im Buch aufgeführten Übungen sollten unbedingt gemacht und nicht nur drüberweg gelesen werden. Sie bringen hilfreiche Einblicke oder Bestätigungen und helfen, die eigene Wahrnehmung und die eigenen Reaktionen zu erkennen und Stück für Stück zu ändern. Nina W. Brown schreibt in sehr sachlicher, freundlicher Weise und beschreibt konkrete Typen egozentrischer Eltern und deren charakteristische Verhaltensweisen. Sie bietet Strategien an, die helfen, mit verschiedenen Typen umzugehen, sich (emotional) abzugrenzen und weniger verletzt zu werden. Sie beschreibt auch deutlich, was man NICHT tun soll, wenn man mit seinem egozentrischen Elternteil interagiert. Für mich war das Buch ein Augenöffner, ein kompetenter und praktischer Ratgeber und es hat mir ziemlich schnell geholfen, mich in Interaktionen mit meinen Eltern weniger hilflos, nicht mehr wütend oder verletzt zu fühlen, inneren Abstand zu gewinnen und mich als von ihnen abgegrenzte, erwachsene Person zu verstehen. Es klingt vielleicht übertrieben, ist aber wirklich so: meine gesamte Lebensqualität hat sich deutlich verbessert. Ich habe noch ein Stück Weg vor mir, aber dieses Buch hat mich ein riesiges Stück weitergebracht.
2 people found this helpful
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Colleen
5.0 out of 5 stars Practical , well written, comprehensive
Reviewed in Canada on January 15, 2017
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I wish i had read this as a child. Absolutely the best self book I've ever read. Easy to read and focuses on survival skills that are practical and effective. Has improved my happiness and surprisingly improved my relationship with my parent. Highly recommended.
8 people found this helpful
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M. L.
5.0 out of 5 stars ... books on specific topics - found this book quite useful - because it focuses on the single aspect of ...
Reviewed in India on March 22, 2017
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Have read various books on specific topics - found this book quite useful - because it focuses on the single aspect of all sorts of toxic behaviors - the fact that it doesn't feel nice, and it doesn't change. Easy to read and follow - and gives good practical tips for moving on with life - despite the unavoidable situation at hand - making the best out of it, whatever extent possible.
One person found this helpful
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aon
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 29, 2015
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If you have problems with your parent this is a book for you! The author goes through different kinds of difficult parents and gives ideas on how to deal with them and what not to do (as some of things that we can do actually make things way worse). The book made me look at my parent differently and now I understand where some of the comments and behaviours come from and it helps me to be less frustrated.
3 people found this helpful
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Very Frank
5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful book.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 16, 2018
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So we are the sandwich generation taking care of one aged parent and dealing with another who is so self absorbed they get 11 out of 10 on the selfish ba@#$/d scale. This book is so helpful in helping us manage our expectations in each situation we face. Wish we had discovered this book earlier.
3 people found this helpful
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