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Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins When Family and Work Collide? Hardcover – December 10, 2003
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About the Author
- Publisher : Multnomah (December 10, 2003)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 144 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1590523296
- ISBN-13 : 978-1590523292
- Item Weight : 7.2 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.25 x 0.58 x 7.24 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #430,402 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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I read it in two days. Andy Stanley is an accomplished writer and I have a feeling it comes naturally. I am not suggesting he does not put a lot of work into his writing, but only that he may not have spent hours studying and taking courses on how to be a top-notch writer. I’m sure that’s something I’ll ask him if we ever meet.
Choosing To Cheat surprises its readers in two ways. First, sorry to disappoint you – it’s really not about having a romantic affair, not directly anyway. Secondly, Stanley comes out and tells you early in the process (and keep in mind he’s a Christian pastor) that it’s okay to cheat and you even have to. Wow. Now you’re ready to ready the book.
The author tells you about the most important and most complex cheating situation one can have in life – that between ones loved ones (think spouse, children) and ones work. And unless you’ve figured out how to make that situation a perfect win-win one, Stanley tells you, you’re cheating one of them and the bets are on that it’s your family. But it gets worse. If you’re cheating here, the author says you are on a collision course if you haven’t had a crash already. He has a perfect “holding the rock” analogy he shares. And the bottom line is “picking up a rock that shattered into fragments after it got dropped and trying to put together again is next to impossible”.
Stanley is careful not to make assumptions about your own specific situation, but neither does he let you off the hook. Your excuses just won’t fly. Especially when he gives you a step-by-step guide to making a commitment and following through with your employer.
Choosing To Cheat is the kind of book you want to give your workaholic spouse, your married children, your adult grandchildren and your friends. I thought of providing a copy to every couple we mentored. But we’d all be making a big mistake, if we first didn’t take this author’s wise advice and apply it to our own “cheating”. Highly recommended.
Ken B. Godevenos, Accord Resolution Services Inc., Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. 15/11/27
Do you pledge allegiance to your boss? Andy Stanley says that "your Creator does not define your life by your career achievements or the neatness of your pantry." Writing to both stay-at-home parents and spouses in the workplace, Stanley says you must cheat on your work if you're going to win at home. (Read the book for his definition on "cheating.") He once admonished a struggling fast track executive, "the problem is, you love your family in your heart, but you don't love them in your schedule. And they can't see your heart."
When you read this book, you'll never, ever think of Daniel without recalling Stanley's commentary. "Daniel's choice of diet was an indication of where he placed his loyalty. For us, the chief indicator is time. Daniel's loyalty was tested by what he ate. Ours is tested by what we put on our calendars. Where you spend your time is an indication of where your loyalties lie. In effect, you pledge your allegiance to the person or thing that receives your time."
There are lots of books on balancing work and family. This one is different. It's not a guilt trip. Instead, it's a simple, thoughtful, Christ-centered process to help couples dig deep and ask themselves two or three really tough questions.
Stanley adds, "No where in Scripture are you commanded to lay down your life for your stock options. Or to love your career like Christ loved the church. We are instructed to do our jobs and love our families (see Colossians 3:23). When you love your job and do your family, you've not only stepped outside the bounds of family life, you have stepped outside the will of God."
The underlying message is about priorities and addressing the gap between that can exist between what we say (family first) and what we do (time doing work). The title of his book comes from the premise that something has to give, and what gives is cheated. For workaholics, it is the family that is cheated. Family measures "love" by time. Too much time at work results in a family that feels unloved.
Not content to point to the problem, Andy uses the biblical example of Daniel to provide a practical plan to regain the healthy balance between doing and being without getting yourself fired.
I would highly recommend this short book that be read in just a few sittings, the time spent can result in huge benefits.
Top reviews from other countries
A highly recommended book for those starting out in ministry. Don't just read it but put the principles into action!