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Customer reviews

3.0 out of 5 stars
3 out of 5
302 global ratings
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Fresh Whole Rabbit

Fresh Whole Rabbit

byCloverdale
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Top positive review

Positive reviews›
Carlos Brens
4.0 out of 5 starsIT'S ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE!
Reviewed in the United States on February 4, 2013
My friend Bill turned me onto the sale of Fresh Whole Rabbit at Amazon. Since I'm a careful and selective shopper, I decided to read the reviews in order to determine how suitable buyers found the product. I only got half way into reading all the reviews. However, I was able to garnish a lot of information. While I read some interesting alternate uses and mistaken purposes for the Fresh Whole Rabbit, I frankly fail to see the problem with it being dead, skinned and headless.

For my part, shortly after receiving my shipment, I simply went up to my attic, opened up the skylight, raised my heavy duty antenna, which is connected to my Tesla Coil and waited for an average 150 Kilo-amp lightning bolt to invigorate my patched rabbit lying on a small gurney (which I purchased on E-bay) connected to my refrigerator-sized rectifiers.

In reality, I don't know why someone would complain about the inert state of the delivered (even if "de-livered") rabbit when it's so easy to not only reanimate it but also get it to do your bidding and recognize you as its "master". The missing head and feet are inconsequential. There are several families around here who burry their pets in their back yards. With a little help from my faithful neighbor Eegor, we (let's just say) 'procure' all the necessary parts needed from recently deceased cats, small dogs and even the occasional road-kill. With a little surgical stitching, the carcass is almost as good as recently dead.

A few words of caution: Don't use possum heads to replace on your rabbit. Because rabbits are fairly fast (and also because of the reanimation jolt), the possum no longer needs to play dead and will use its sharp teeth to attack anything in sight.

While the cost per dead rabbit may seem a bit steep, it beats being discovered and having to come up with explanations if you are found in a stranger's back yard. So far, the neighbors have no explanations for the holes pocking their lawns and why the body of their beloved recently departed Fluffy is missing.

If you think you want to make your own living-dead rabbit, take caution to set your rectifiers at the proper level, otherwise you end up with one crispy hare. That isn't so terrible if you had decided to season it first. But, that's a different experiment. If you set the rectifier at too high a voltage, you'll experience a huge "WHAMP!" noise resulting in popcorn-rabbit everywhere and a nice body tan to boot. It tastes just like the popcorn chicken from KFC but it's rather tricky to take it to market. And yes, it's also much, much faster than a microwave.

Due to the infrequency of lightening charged storms and our neighbors' recent switch to reptiles and fish as pets, I can only experiment in my attic occasionally. But, thank you Amazon for making this handy kit available for us to experiment away. Aside from having to go up and down to and from the attic via my ceiling ladder and for Eegor constantly hitting his hump on the edge of the ceiling opening, I'm very pleased with the results and give the product 4 "IT'S ALIVE!" calls. I have to end my review because I hear a commotion at my front door. It's strange, I see a glow outside but I don't recall lighting my tiki torches.

Cordially,

Frank N. Stein
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86 people found this helpful

Top critical review

Critical reviews›
K. Klang
1.0 out of 5 starsYes, Virginia, was a very bad rabbit....
Reviewed in the United States on March 8, 2011
When the mailman came, I ran excitedly out to meet him in the yard. Clad only in my fluffy lavendar slippers and a floral nightcoat...I am sure I was a ghastly sight...but I just couldnt wait one extra moment to finally get my hands on that rabbit! I was so excited...whole fresh rabbit. The glory of the purchase was stamped "fresh" all over the box in bright red ink, and the entire thing was wrapped in barbed wire. "Interesting packaging", I thought...then thoughtlessly put my ponderings aside and brought my prize into the house.
In truth, I nearly stumbled over the welcome mat as I hurried into the house with my extra special Amazon delivery! Rabbit! All mine! How wonderful! I hadnt had rabbit in years!
With much ceremony, I sat down with a box cutter and began to open the box. Then suddenly this hairless, headless beast came flying out as if propelled by a spring. It immediately landed on the table, and held up one of its forelegs. Although it no longer had paws, I got the distinct impression that the rabbit was flipping me off! The irreverant beast was clear in its defiance. Startled, I stepped back...I didnt quite know how to handle the situation. I was quite frozen in shock. The rabbit deftly kicked the box off the table and approached me with a confident swagger. It seemed to be sizing me up.
The next thing I knew, the rabbit had seized the box cutter from my trembling hand. It weilded the blade with obvious expertise, waving it menacingly in front of my face. I found myself completely immobilized with fear...a wave of morbid awareness drifted over me. There was nowhere to run. Nowhere at all...
The rabbit quickly stretched its naked, spindly legs and leapt from the table. Within moments, it began to hurriedly ransack the house. It spray-painted graffiti chickens all over my livingroom wall. It broke into my safe and stole jewels and money. It sold drugs and began extorting money from my neighbor. It took candy from babies. It sassed its elders. I even found it in bed with my husband.
Despite my outrage, and efforts to trap the abhorrent creature, it quickly spread its attentions throughout the neighborhood...then, the city. It terrorized every man, woman and child...it spared no one.
In desperation, I contacted the vendor for a refund. "Oh hell no," the customer service man said. "You wanted a fresh rabbit...and thats what you got. No refunds!"
Indeed, the rabbit was "fresh" and consequently recieved many outraged face slappings from local women. But I was desperate to be rid of the thing. I found myself, desperate...alone...with nowhere to turn.... I wept bitter tears at the prospect of my fate and the humiliation I had endured as the rabbit effortlessly dismantled everything I valued in life. My back was against the wall...I had no choice but to fight. The sound of my boots scraping upon the pavement of the sidewalk was comforting. I was ready. My jaw clenched and eyes squinted...I was pure courage. I was armed. On my belt I carried the weapons of my forefathers...a bubble pipe, a package of red vines, and a rubber mallet. I was ready to destroy, or be destroyed...
The rabbit saw me and seemed to sense my determination. It had no head, but I sensed it sneering at me. With a warbling screech, the rabbit attacked me. It flew to action, attempting to cripple me with a spinning back kick and a flurry of karate chops. Gasping, I lashed back with my mallet, blowing my bubble pipe fiercely, and landed a hit soundly on the rabbits side. Before it could recover, I began lashing it with the red vines, leaving bloody welts on its pale, graying flesh. It squealed in pain and squirmed behind a trash can, with me in hot pursuit...
The rabbit unexpectly turned, and I made a grab at the skinny carcass, but it sped past meIt cursed me and fled. With no head, paws or fur, the animal was very streamlined and as fast as greased lightning. I doggedly pursued it to the edge of town when I lost sight of it...and I was relieved to see that the rabbit did not seem to be turning back.
It seemed that as quickly as it began...the rabbit's rampage was over. The last time I saw the beast, I had been patrolling the city. I saw that it was armed with two automatic rifles and strings of ammunition, and it appeared Rambo-esque upon a hill. It screamed "Aaaaaahhhhhyaaaaaa!" and fired the weapons into the air. It then ran and jumped into a jeep with Charlie Sheen and sped away...
I saw a mushroom cloud form in the distance...
I looked into the sunset, my teeth gritted with determination. I would survive. And as god as my witness, I would never be hungry again!
I sit my weary body behind my computer once again, mopping beads of cool sweat from my forehead. I begin write this review. Gingerly, I start to type...."Yes, Virginia, this was a very bad rabbit...."
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20 people found this helpful

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From the United States

MyHomeZoo
5.0 out of 5 stars VEWWY FRESH!
Reviewed in the United States on March 8, 2015
They sure weren't kidding when they said in the description that this rabbit was fresh. To my surprise, when I opened the box (fast shipping, by the way!), there stood a huge lop-eared rabbit with a mouth like a sailor who propositioned me endlessly. Fresh indeed! At first, it was annoying, but I have to admit, that he has grown on me. He has asked me to become his wife and I surely will accept his proposal some day.
One person found this helpful
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E. Maxim
1.0 out of 5 stars Such A Disappointment
Reviewed in the United States on January 26, 2015
Well, this was disappointing. Not to mention traumatic for the children. But yet again, Dear Husband neglected to read the complete product description and we excitedly announced to Chase (age 2), Andromeda (age 4), and Sigmund (age 6) that their desire for a pet would soon be fulfilled by mommy and daddy (with greats thanks to Amazon!).
Imagine our horror when the package arrived (I was suspicious when I noticed not one air hole in the box), the children ripped it open and there was a lifeless, furless, clammy rabbit carcass in the middle of the living room.
We didn't have the heart to take "Snowball" away from them immediately, but that evening we buried him out back.
I fear we may need to increase family counseling sessions for the foreseeable future...
7 people found this helpful
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Mark Rocklin
1.0 out of 5 stars My bad. It arrived
Reviewed in the United States on January 10, 2015
I ordered this fresh whole rabbit without reading the feedback. My bad.
It arrived , and as per other reviews, was not whole.
I guess I cold have shipped it back bt a threw good money after bad instead. I researched where I could get replacement parts for this rabbit. Behold, after Google, ebay and amazon seaches I procurred a head, two ears, 4 feet and a tail.
I got my trusty pliars, duct tape, nail gun and bondo and went to work. Now it would have been nice to have insructionson how to assemble but I had to wing it. I got it together just fine but it still just laid there. After reading reviews I knew a battery wasn't going to get it. Being an engineer I realized the issue was a matter of not enough power. We have 220 at the house so I figure the more power the better. I did get the bugger smoking a little but boy did it dance.
I was patting myself on the back at this point when I noticed that the eyes were red instead of pink. Also it was sneering at me. I started to bak away when it lunged. It went for the neck and then aaaaahhhhhh....
5 people found this helpful
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big Daddy
5.0 out of 5 stars Moist and Delicious
Reviewed in the United States on September 21, 2014
Usually I purchase my rabbit at the corner gas station, but wow was I surprised to see this, what a find. You're never sure about those convenience store rabbits and how long they have been there. And the last time I bought rabbit at the local big box store I had to figure out what to do with the other 47 rabbits.

Amazon to the rescue. I took advantage of subscribe and save. Now I have fresh rabbit delivered to my doorstep. My wife and kids are continuously shocked and amazed at the creative ways I have transformed fresh rabbit. Rabbit smoothies, rabbit pot pie, rabbit cheesecake... the possibilities are endless. Thank you Amazon!!
4 people found this helpful
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Heather Rogers
2.0 out of 5 stars Still alive??
Reviewed in the United States on August 30, 2014
There must have been a serious error, because the rabbit shipped to me is still alive. Somehow it has developed human speech, so I no longer wish to kill it. The only problem is now Hank (the rabbit) and I are really hungry. What do you feed rabbits? How will I know if he's trying to trick me? I really wasn't prepared for this... two stars.
4 people found this helpful
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Jester Marcus
5.0 out of 5 stars Can confirm, real rabbit.
Reviewed in the United States on July 28, 2014
I ordered only one at first to make sure its the real deal. I don't like being suckered in my purchases after buying a Samsung UN110S9 Framed 110-Inch 4K Ultra HD 120Hz LED TV THAT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE 3D!!!! I am happy to confirm this is actually a real rabbit. My testing method was flawless. As we all know, the breakfast cereal Trix is only for kids, not rabbits. I presented a bowl of fresh Trix to my brand new Fresh Whole Rabbit. He wouldn't touch it, didn't even move towards it to give it even a little sniff. He knew better. Satisfied with my purchase, I will be ordering several more in the coming days as the kids just love to play with it. As does the dog and local hawks!
3 people found this helpful
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Rico
3.0 out of 5 stars NOT what expected.
Reviewed in the United States on July 12, 2014
I was delighted to discover this product whilst browsing online for a birthday gift for my youngest daughter, who has recently turned six and has long been bugging her mother and I for a pet. As a busy father it pleased me that, in the modern age, a "fresh whole rabbit" could be crated up in a tiny, airtight box and the little fellow flown direct to me for my convenience, saving me much of the trouble associated with fatherhood.

Although irksome that no individual pictures were attached (other than that of what appears to be a rather old, sleeping rabbit), it seemed to good to be true, especially when I learned it could be delivered in time for my daughter's party, to be opened and enjoyed by both the eager birthday girl herself and her rabble of little friends. However, much to my daughter's horror upon opening her much awaited, rabbit-shaped gift, she discovered what I now, after much consideration, believe to be - not a fresh or whole rabbit - but rather a dead rabbit - thus, decidedly neither fresh, nor, vitally....whole. Perhaps the vendors could consider selling this item under the heading "deceased rabbit" or "rabbit corpse" to ensure no future confusion amongst the realms of well-meaning, loving fathers, such as myself.

Hysterical tears ensued, divorce was threatened and several children fled the house never to be seen again. More importantly, despite much coaxing I can't get the little fellow to hop around the hutch I built for him in the garden and, after a week, he is starting to smell (which, I grant you, is something that rabbits naturally do, but the neighbours are starting to complain). Mind you, this rabbit has proved most economical, as I have not had to replace the carrots and lettuce leaves in his bowl once since we got him. Must be on a diet.

My wife has since left me, claiming she is "taking the children to her mother's house" as this is just too much after the "fresh whole Pony" I ordered for my eldest daughter's birthday last September. Why does no good, fatherly deed go unpunished? On the plus side, week old rabbit remains delicious. Thoroughly recommended as a snack to gnaw on whilst sitting on the sofa in one's underwear, watching football re-runs at 3 in the morning after one's wife has left one.
16 people found this helpful
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Jack
1.0 out of 5 stars Dead on arrival!
Reviewed in the United States on July 7, 2014
The product was dead on arrival, I am very disappointed. It did not even come with a charger!
5 people found this helpful
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Le Prun
4.0 out of 5 stars Found The Battery Slot, But It Still Doesn't Work
Reviewed in the United States on June 27, 2014
I saw some people complaining about how they couldn't find the place to put the batteries, but I found it right away. There's this slot in the back. It's hard, but after some pushing, you can squeeze some batteries in. But after shoving ten batteries in, my bunny still doesn't work! Can someone help me troubleshoot?
5 people found this helpful
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tyler cary
5.0 out of 5 stars Rabbit fulfills dreams and kills loved ones.
Reviewed in the United States on June 26, 2014
Normally I would say that paying over 1,000 times the US national deficit for a rabbit is a mistake; however you are not simply paying for a rabbit, but rather a complete overhaul of your life.

My wife and I slow roasted one of these delicious little guys with some potatoes and veggies, and about 15 minutes after I finished eating my portion I was recruited by MI6 and given the code name Bond. My wife was recruited by Gourmet Magazine for an all expenses paid trip around the world where she would be eating at the finest restaurants in every country. Not all experiences caused by eating one of these little guys will be good. By the end of my experience 22 of my friends and familie members had died under mysterious circumstances along with 56 for my wife, and where each person died the rabbit scene from Monty Python's Holy Grail was playing on every tv in a 6.969696969696969 mile radius, on a constant loop that lasted 69.6969 days.
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