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Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself Paperback – September 1, 1986
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Is someone else's problem your problem? If, like so many others, you've lost sight of your own life in the drama of tending to someone else's, you may be codependent-and you may find yourself in this book. The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America's best-loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life. With instructive life stories, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests, Codependent No More is a simple, straightforward, readable map of the perplexing world of codependency-charting the path to freedom and a lifetime of healing, hope, and happiness.
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Although the author adds a sentence or two on every chapter mentioning "Higher Power" and "God", it doesn't bother me too much. When these keywords show up, I automatically skip them. I have to admit that this book indeed shares some wisdom, despite that the author will occasionally add religious keywords in it. The religion stuff is only a small portion in this book. I would say it's about 19%. I don't have religion, FYI.
Some ideas introduced in this book are fantastic. You will learn how to balance and control your ocean-like love so that you don't hurt youself and others. At some point in life, we will have someone whom we deeply care about: lovers, kids, parents, and partners. When we have so much attention and love toward a person, we will easily lose control and hurt ourselve and others. It is so easy to confuse between being a responsible person and a control freak.
For teenager, adult, middle age, senior:
I suggest you to read this book especially when you are in a romantic relationship. Especially if you have a (crazy) lover who is way too much in love with you, please buy this book for that person.
I also suggest you to get this book if you have a parent who cares about you way too much. Got a tiger parent? Read it and give it to that person as a gift.
Are you a parent who cares about your children too much? Do you have a eager to micromanage your kids, and fix their problems? Read this book, some ideas in this book might help you.
This book is also published in other languages. My wife discovered this book in Chinese bookstore when she was searching a book for her mother. Her mother basically lives a life just for other people and never learn how to take care of herself. My wife is also too worried about her mother and trying to correct her mother's behavior. When you have too much love and don't know how to balance it, it could be dangerous for you and the person you love. You will feel you don't live for yourself, and no one takes care of you. This is how pain develops in a relationship.
The title of this book in Chinese version:
Codependent No More did not feel like a guide book or advice being thrown around. It read with an eerie sense of familiarity. As I poured through the case studies, I found myself thinking "that is me!" or "I know this person!". It was soon very obvious that I did not understand what being codependent meant. I had always viewed this as a negative label stuck on those whose loved one where addicts. But it is so much more. In fact this is a problem that effects many.
I cannot recommend this title enough. If you are struggling, read it. If you know someone who struggles, read it. If you do not understand codependency, read it.
There is something to be taken from Codependent No More for everyone. It is a refreshing perspective and read.
I had to learn myself how to have healthy relationships. This book speaks well to how often we help those we love continue poor behaviors. It about looking at ourselves to see how we enable those around us.
As an opiate addict in recovery since 11/20/2012, I have referred many people to this book. I have given it to those I love and those who love an addict/alcoholic.