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Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself Paperback – January 1, 1986
| Melody Beattie (Author) Find all the books, read about the author, and more. See search results for this author |
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The healing touchstone of millions, this modern classic by one of America's best-loved and most inspirational authors holds the key to understanding codependency and to unlocking its stultifying hold on your life.
With instructive life stories, personal reflections, exercises, and self-tests, Codependent No More is a simple, straightforward, readable map of the perplexing world of codependency--charting the path to freedom and a lifetime of healing, hope, and happiness.
Melody Beattie is the author of Beyond Codependency, The Language of Letting Go, Stop Being Mean to Yourself, and Playing It by Heart.
- Print length229 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherHazelden
- Publication dateJanuary 1, 1986
- Dimensions8.4 x 5 x 0.6 inches
- ISBN-100894864025
- ISBN-13978-0894864025
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"Melody Beattie is an American phenomenon....She understands being overboard, which helps her throw best-selling lifelines to those still adrift."
--TIME
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Product details
- Publisher : Hazelden; 1st edition (January 1, 1986)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 229 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0894864025
- ISBN-13 : 978-0894864025
- Item Weight : 11.2 ounces
- Dimensions : 8.4 x 5 x 0.6 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #3,219 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #2 in New Age Mysticism (Books)
- #7 in Twelve-Step Programs (Books)
- #10 in Substance Abuse Recovery
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Melody Beattie is one of America’s most beloved self-help authors and a household name in addiction and recovery circles. Her international bestselling book, Codependent No More, introduced the world to the term “codependency” in 1986. Millions of readers have trusted Melody’s words of wisdom and guidance because she knows firsthand what they’re going through. In her lifetime, she has survived abandonment, kidnapping, sexual abuse, drug and alcohol addiction, divorce, and the death of a child. “Beattie understands being overboard, which helps her throw bestselling lifelines to those still adrift,” said Time Magazine.
Melody was born in St. Paul, Minnesota in 1948. Her father left home when she was a toddler, and she was raised by her mother. She was abducted by a stranger at age four. Although she was rescued the same day, the incident set the tone for a childhood of abuse, and she was sexually abused by a neighbor throughout her youth. Her mother turned a blind eye, just as she had denied the occurrence of abuse in her own past.
“My mother was a classic codependent,” Melody recalls. “If she had a migraine, she wouldn’t take an aspirin because she didn’t do drugs. She believed in suffering.” Unlike her mother, Melody was determined to self-medicate her emotional pain. Beattie began drinking at age 12, was a full-blown alcoholic by age 13, and a junkie by 18, even as she graduated from high school with honors. She ran with a crowd called “The Minnesota Mafia” who robbed pharmacies to get drugs. After several arrests, a judge mandated that she had to “go to treatment for as long as it takes or go to jail.”
Melody continued to score drugs in treatment until a spiritual epiphany transformed her. “I was on the lawn smoking dope when the world turned this purplish color. Everything looked connected—like a Monet painting. It wasn’t a hallucination; it was what the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous calls ‘a spiritual awakening.’ Until then, I’d felt entitled to use drugs. I finally realized that if I put half as much energy into doing the right thing as I had into doing wrong, I could do anything,” Beattie said.
After eight months of treatment, Melody left the hospital clean and sober, ready to take on new goals: helping others get sober, and getting married and having a family of her own. She married a former alcoholic who was also a prominent and respected counselor and had two children with him. Although she had stopped drinking and using drugs, she found herself sinking in despair. She discovered that her husband wasn’t sober; he’d been drinking and lying about it since before their marriage.
During her work with the spouses of addicts at a treatment center, she realized the problems that had led to her alcoholism were still there. Her pain wasn’t about her husband or his drinking; it was about her. There wasn’t a word for codependency yet. While Melody didn’t coin the term codependency, she became passionate about the subject. What was this thing we were doing to ourselves?
Driven into the ground financially by her husband’s alcoholism, Melody turned a life-long passion for writing into a career in journalism, writing about the issues that had consumed her for years. Her 24-year writing career has produced fifteen books published in twenty languages and hundreds of newspaper and magazine articles. She has been a frequent guest on many national television shows, including Oprah. She and her books continue to be featured regularly in national publications including Time, People, and most major periodicals around the world.
Although it almost destroyed her when her twelve-year-old son Shane died in a ski accident in 1991, eventually Melody picked up the pieces of her life again. “I wanted to die, but I kept waking up alive,” she says. She began skydiving, mountain-climbing, and teaching others what she’d learned about grief.
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This book is outstanding. Even if you are not a child or relative or friend of someone with substance issues, even if you do not consider yourself co-dependant, this book is wonderful for building self esteem and setting boundries, or generalized anxiery. After reading and meditating on it, I found myself saying no to things without a moment of second thought. And guess what, it didn't kill anyone that I was saying no.
Codependent No More did not feel like a guide book or advice being thrown around. It read with an eerie sense of familiarity. As I poured through the case studies, I found myself thinking "that is me!" or "I know this person!". It was soon very obvious that I did not understand what being codependent meant. I had always viewed this as a negative label stuck on those whose loved one where addicts. But it is so much more. In fact this is a problem that effects many.
I cannot recommend this title enough. If you are struggling, read it. If you know someone who struggles, read it. If you do not understand codependency, read it.
There is something to be taken from Codependent No More for everyone. It is a refreshing perspective and read.
It became tiresome to read and it made me feel more anxious. On page 107, under #5 point, the author describes how she asked her husband to watch her out the window as she went to her car because it was nighttime and her car was located in a dark alley in a rough part of town. She then stated this was unnecessary as God is watching over her. First of all, there is nothing wrong with asking someone to make sure you don’t get assalted. If you want to preach that God has your back remember too that God helps those who help themselves...so don’t be stupid and use common sense.
The author seems to have written this in a state of hysteria. The extreme feminist ideology that is advocated in the book (since it seemed to be written more with women in mind) is completely unreasonable. In the Christian religion, there is little room for feminism. I worry about what she has to offer writing this book as she herself has not remarried...
I’m not going to throw out the baby with the bath water. I will continue to read this book and read between the lines.
To give some perspective, I was raised in an atheist nilalistic alcoholic family. Nothing was sacred. God is not a person. God is the result from a series of actions that one takes to create a heaven, in a sense, on earth. Study ethics, virtues, and morality and it will take you to a better conclusion then this book ever will. The Bible was not created by a scorned and bitter person.
Read the book. Write in a journal. Answer the questions at the end of each chapter. You won’t regret it.
By Megan Barrett on February 20, 2018
Read the book. Write in a journal. Answer the questions at the end of each chapter. You won’t regret it.
Top reviews from other countries
This is a very outdated take on the condition as it is now highly documented that there are other issues which lead to codependency, none of those are covered in this book. Loosely reference maybe, but not the sole focus is alcoholism.
I grew very tired of having to decipher every single example given of someone with an alcoholic partner and try to relate it to my own non-alcohol based circumstance.
I am also quite confused that the author began by saying she wanted to write a ‘’warm, gentle, non-judgemental book’’
This is anything but!
At least the first half of this book felt extremely judgemental of codependents, and as though you were under attack. Constant blaming and shaming. I found it quite difficult to stick with.
It was only the second half of the book which actually covered what I was hoping it would - strategies for changing behaviours and how to do that... although still, every single case study and example related to people in relationships with alcoholics.
Another thing I personally found annoying with this book is the authors lack of confidence in her own opinion and how she has to constantly and repeatedly reference other authors to back up what she is saying.
A few here as there, fine! But the continual referencing of other authors to back up her point of view makes me feel like I would be better reading one of their books.
Perhaps if my partner was a raging alcoholic then I may be leaving a rave review, but this is not the case so I feel this book was only 20% relevant and helpful to me.












