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Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself Paperback – January 1, 1986

4.7 out of 5 stars 14,781 ratings

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Editorial Reviews

Review

In Newsweek magazine, Dr. Drew Pinsky named Melody Beattie's Codependent No More one of the four essential self-help books available today, calling it the "grandaddy of addiction tomes."

"Melody Beattie is an American phenomenon....She understands being overboard, which helps her throw best-selling lifelines to those still adrift."
--TIME

About the Author

Beattie was a struggling single parent of two children and freelance author and journalist cranking out stories for a small-town daily newspaper in 1986 when she came up with a book idea. She wanted to write a book about what happens to people when they love someone who is addicted to alcohol and other drugs."There were many books out there about how to help an addict or alcoholic. Nobody was talking about how an addict impacts the lives of the people around him or her, and how crazy you can become when you love someone who is addicted," Beattie said. "Even though I was sober, I didn't know how crazy I could get until it happened to me." Twenty publishers turned down Beattie's book proposal. "It's a good idea, but we don't think there's that many codependents out there," they wrote back.Hazelden, however, a treatment center and recovery publisher based in Minnesota, saw a need for the book. The publisher understood how families of alcoholics suffer and believed Beattie's book idea would help people. Beattie marched to the welfare department, asked for enough financial help to make it through the three months it would take her to write the book, then locked herself in a basement office and cranked out Codependent No More. Codependent No More has now sold 3.5 million copies. Beattie has since written nine more books, five for major publishing houses on the east and west coasts. She relocated from Minnesota to California, and she has long-since paid back the welfare department. Beattie has appeared in the pages of Newsweek and People and has been a regular guest on Geraldo and Oprah. Playing It By Heart is Beattie's first original book for Hazelden since 1990; the book is a return to her recovery roots that first brought her national recognition.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Hazelden; 1st edition (January 1, 1986)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 229 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0894864025
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0894864025
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 11.2 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 8.4 x 5 x 0.6 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 out of 5 stars 14,781 ratings

About the author

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Melody Beattie is one of America’s most beloved self-help authors and a household name in addiction and recovery circles. Her international bestselling book, Codependent No More, introduced the world to the term “codependency” in 1986. Millions of readers have trusted Melody’s words of wisdom and guidance because she knows firsthand what they’re going through. In her lifetime, she has survived abandonment, kidnapping, sexual abuse, drug and alcohol addiction, divorce, and the death of a child. “Beattie understands being overboard, which helps her throw bestselling lifelines to those still adrift,” said Time Magazine.

Melody was born in St. Paul, Minnesota in 1948. Her father left home when she was a toddler, and she was raised by her mother. She was abducted by a stranger at age four. Although she was rescued the same day, the incident set the tone for a childhood of abuse, and she was sexually abused by a neighbor throughout her youth. Her mother turned a blind eye, just as she had denied the occurrence of abuse in her own past.

“My mother was a classic codependent,” Melody recalls. “If she had a migraine, she wouldn’t take an aspirin because she didn’t do drugs. She believed in suffering.” Unlike her mother, Melody was determined to self-medicate her emotional pain. Beattie began drinking at age 12, was a full-blown alcoholic by age 13, and a junkie by 18, even as she graduated from high school with honors. She ran with a crowd called “The Minnesota Mafia” who robbed pharmacies to get drugs. After several arrests, a judge mandated that she had to “go to treatment for as long as it takes or go to jail.”

Melody continued to score drugs in treatment until a spiritual epiphany transformed her. “I was on the lawn smoking dope when the world turned this purplish color. Everything looked connected—like a Monet painting. It wasn’t a hallucination; it was what the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous calls ‘a spiritual awakening.’ Until then, I’d felt entitled to use drugs. I finally realized that if I put half as much energy into doing the right thing as I had into doing wrong, I could do anything,” Beattie said.

After eight months of treatment, Melody left the hospital clean and sober, ready to take on new goals: helping others get sober, and getting married and having a family of her own. She married a former alcoholic who was also a prominent and respected counselor and had two children with him. Although she had stopped drinking and using drugs, she found herself sinking in despair. She discovered that her husband wasn’t sober; he’d been drinking and lying about it since before their marriage.

During her work with the spouses of addicts at a treatment center, she realized the problems that had led to her alcoholism were still there. Her pain wasn’t about her husband or his drinking; it was about her. There wasn’t a word for codependency yet. While Melody didn’t coin the term codependency, she became passionate about the subject. What was this thing we were doing to ourselves?

Driven into the ground financially by her husband’s alcoholism, Melody turned a life-long passion for writing into a career in journalism, writing about the issues that had consumed her for years. Her 24-year writing career has produced fifteen books published in twenty languages and hundreds of newspaper and magazine articles. She has been a frequent guest on many national television shows, including Oprah. She and her books continue to be featured regularly in national publications including Time, People, and most major periodicals around the world.

Although it almost destroyed her when her twelve-year-old son Shane died in a ski accident in 1991, eventually Melody picked up the pieces of her life again. “I wanted to die, but I kept waking up alive,” she says. She began skydiving, mountain-climbing, and teaching others what she’d learned about grief.

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
14,781 global ratings

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5.0 out of 5 stars Must read.
By Megan Barrett on February 20, 2018
I can’t say enough great things about this book. I’m not with an alcoholic, but I was very codependent. I honestly think everyone is in one way or another. This book is for everyone! She writes “through my experience with codependency, I found my self.” That is how I feel. I started this book with depression, panic attacks, and just feeling lost. This book, along with craving change for myself and putting forth effort, really impacted my life. I feel like I know myself more than ever.
Read the book. Write in a journal. Answer the questions at the end of each chapter. You won’t regret it.
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Top reviews from other countries

Jessamine Cox
2.0 out of 5 stars Outdated Alcoholism focussed explanations of codependency
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 3, 2020
38 people found this helpful
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looks fun!!!!!!!!!!!!
5.0 out of 5 stars Profound and life changing!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 17, 2018
45 people found this helpful
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JJ
3.0 out of 5 stars OK if your issues are alcohol related
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 28, 2020
16 people found this helpful
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Tonia Bastable
5.0 out of 5 stars Psychic change
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 18, 2019
9 people found this helpful
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michael
4.0 out of 5 stars A book that makes you think
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 30, 2022
One person found this helpful
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