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Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself Hardcover – Deluxe Edition, September, 2001

4.6 out of 5 stars 1,736 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

In Newsweek magazine, Dr. Drew Pinsky named Melody Beattie's Codependent No More one of the four essential self-help books available today, calling it the "grandaddy of addiction tomes."

"Melody Beattie is an American phenomenon....She understands being overboard, which helps her throw best-selling lifelines to those still adrift."
--TIME
--This text refers to the Paperback edition.

About the Author

Melody Beattie is the New York Times bestselling author of Codependent No More, Beyond Codependency, and The Lessons of Love. --This text refers to the Audio CD edition.
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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 250 pages
  • Publisher: Hazelden Publishing & Educational Services; 15 Anv edition (September 2001)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1568387385
  • ISBN-13: 978-1568387383
  • Product Dimensions: 8.9 x 5.5 x 0.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (1,736 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,931,166 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By Maranda on November 13, 2008
Format: Paperback
This is the book that started it all. I know it is cliché but, this book has changed my life and my thinking...

I was talking to my father on the phone one day and I was explaining to him how I have no problem exercising and eating right when Otty is gone but I can't seem to keep it up when he is home. My father then asked me if I wanted to know what that was called...he told me it was called co-dependence and that I should start learning about this by reading a book called Co-dependent No More. I pretty much ran out right away and purchased the book.

Now, I have never been a big advocate for self-improvement books, but I have to say that this book was very enlightening. Co-dependency has a different definition for everyone. This book made me delve into my own retched thoughts and confront them head on.

This book made me realize that I have a voice and an opinion and both matter just as much as the next person. I realized that I can make decisions and not have to worry if my opinion is what other people may think or want. My opinion is exactly that...my opinion. It is okay to have an opinion that is different than someone else's.

I also learned that I need to detach myself from the people in my life that cause me harm...emotionally, physically, doesn't matter...

Though I may not struggle with an abusive alcoholic, I still struggle with the internal doubts and feelings of self worthlessness. I have learned that I do not need to immerse myself so deeply in someone else's life that I lose myself. I can keep my individuality while sharing my life with another. If we have conflicting views...that's alright.

When I first read this book, I figure that I would not post my feelings about it because they were too personal.
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Format: Paperback
Instead of spending hours of your time, expressing how anxious and depressed I was, and for so many years, I'd share a few things that might tell my story of recovery in a more concise mode.

I had everything but had nothing. I had been Senior Class President, Top 2% in the Country during College, successful in modeling and acting, selected as Volunteer of the Year for the State of Iowa and the list of "stuff" could go on an on. I was so empty inside myself that I didn't any longer know how I felt inside. I was losing any sense of who I was.

I'd become someone that functioned to serve, protect, nurture, encourage, forgive and love someone that couldn't love back. I was with the same person, in a marriage, for almost 5 years, and woke up one morning and realized that the person next to me was a stranger who didn't know the real me. The person that my life revolved around, the person that I chose to take care of and "cover" for, just liked having me around so I could pick up the pieces and paint a picture of a relationship and a family that was like "Ozzie and Harriet" so that others would think that everything was just fine. I can't stand the word "fine" anymore. Nothing in my life was fine and it wasn't until I hit bottom and read "Codependent No More:How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself", that my life began to change. The book answered all of my questions and caused me to look deeply at myself and my situation and evalute how sick I was. Yes, I was the sick one in the relationship too.

I thought that I was doing everything right or doing what was right for my relationship. But I didn't ever consider that my own personal cup was empty and the only person who could fill it with healthy things was me.
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Format: Paperback
So far as I can tell, very few people could ever read this book without taking something positive away from it. And you don't have to be the product of a broken home, child abuse, neglect, or other serious trauma to see how the machinery of so-called "codependency" tweaks your life; always for the worse.

Having read other peoples' reviews, I'm not sure where some of the negative "cult" comments and rancor come from. I recognized a lot of these behaviors in mysef and in my family, and I'm not from an abusive, alcoholic, or otherwise chemically shattered upbringing. I have good parents and I had a good childhood. Just the same, even good parents and a good childhood are no guarantee against developing unhealthy relationship habits, as well as damaging internal emotional processes.

If you're like me, you shy away from "self help" literature because it all seems way too touchy-feely. I don't see myself as a victim, and I refuse to adopt the victim mentality. But nobody gives parents a rule book on setting healthy emotional boundaries with their kids, and kids that grow up in a home without healthy emotional boundaries become adults without healthy emotional boundaries. This can really get you into trouble when you start trying to form a family of your own, and is the reason why I sought out this book with urgency.

Does it seem like your hapiness is too connected to how other people live their lives? Do you get really upset and depressed because those whom you love engage in behavior you see as risky or damaging? Feel powerless to stop your loved one from using or abusing mind altering substances? Tired of always feeling like "the bad guy" when you're just trying to get your partner to "be good"?
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13 Comments 493 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
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