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  • Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't...
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Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
4.4 out of 5
323 global ratings
5 star
65%
4 star
21%
3 star
5%
2 star
5%
1 star
4%
Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't Agree with or Like or Trust

Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don't Agree with or Like or Trust

byAdam Kahane
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Top positive review

All positive reviews›
sg
4.0 out of 5 starsLoved it as it helped me learn new nomenclature
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on September 13, 2022
This book was recommended to me from our Senior VP in HR. So, I was very eager to order it and get my hands on it. I also promised a review within a week, so as you can see, mission accomplished. Reading a book like this within a week means that its highly valuable (more below) and compact or else you cannot read them. Case in point is the Robert Greene's books, which I love to read, but I cannot promise to read them within a week.

I struggled between a 3 and a 4 for this book (below on things that could be better), but decided on a 4 for the book being concise. If this book was 300 pages, with the same amount of insights, I would have given a 3.

1) The concept of stretch collaboration was eye opening for me. I have always seen collaboration as a boolean, either do it or don't, but seeing a different variants of collaboration was an eye opening moment, which will entice me to approach these situations with an open mind rather than yes or no.

2) Collaboration being the last option is also an important concept. For a long time, I've seen collaboration as the first step of a process and I have invested varying degrees of energy put into making it happen. Collaboration slows us down was a concept I pushed later on in my management path, but some people found it hard to be palatable. I suspected that it was me and my natural penchant for delivering results, but its highly comforting to talk those in a more informed fashion.

3) In stretch collaboration, take the onus on you to deliver results as opposed to listing problems with others is also a very relieving notion. Again, its something I intuitively do, but I'm so glad to have an informed opinion around doing that, rather than seeing it instinctive and at times viewing it as a crutch for my career advancement.

Things that could have done better:

1) I struggled to get the "collaboration" part of stretch collaboration. In stretch collaboration, you don't insist on a shared understanding or a shared plan and each of us advance with our own agenda. Is "discussions" and "informing", the only parts of the stretch collaboration? Or are there ways to convert stretch collaboration to conventional collaboration at least for some portions later.

2) A lot of examples particularly at the latter stages seem to be confined to author's emotions and feelings. The India example was one such incident, where I wanted the author to spend sometime going into the learnings he had. Similarly, the author talking about conventional collaboration and contrasting some of it would have also been illuminating.

Overall enjoyed reading the book and its something I plan to refer to my colleagues and friends as well.
Read more
3 people found this helpful

Top critical review

All critical reviews›
MC
2.0 out of 5 starsThis could have been a 3 pages article
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on June 11, 2021
Not clear concepts, lots of repetition, useless name dropping which has no value for the reader, no conclusion on cases
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2 people found this helpful

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From the United States

sg
4.0 out of 5 stars Loved it as it helped me learn new nomenclature
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on September 13, 2022
Verified Purchase
This book was recommended to me from our Senior VP in HR. So, I was very eager to order it and get my hands on it. I also promised a review within a week, so as you can see, mission accomplished. Reading a book like this within a week means that its highly valuable (more below) and compact or else you cannot read them. Case in point is the Robert Greene's books, which I love to read, but I cannot promise to read them within a week.

I struggled between a 3 and a 4 for this book (below on things that could be better), but decided on a 4 for the book being concise. If this book was 300 pages, with the same amount of insights, I would have given a 3.

1) The concept of stretch collaboration was eye opening for me. I have always seen collaboration as a boolean, either do it or don't, but seeing a different variants of collaboration was an eye opening moment, which will entice me to approach these situations with an open mind rather than yes or no.

2) Collaboration being the last option is also an important concept. For a long time, I've seen collaboration as the first step of a process and I have invested varying degrees of energy put into making it happen. Collaboration slows us down was a concept I pushed later on in my management path, but some people found it hard to be palatable. I suspected that it was me and my natural penchant for delivering results, but its highly comforting to talk those in a more informed fashion.

3) In stretch collaboration, take the onus on you to deliver results as opposed to listing problems with others is also a very relieving notion. Again, its something I intuitively do, but I'm so glad to have an informed opinion around doing that, rather than seeing it instinctive and at times viewing it as a crutch for my career advancement.

Things that could have done better:

1) I struggled to get the "collaboration" part of stretch collaboration. In stretch collaboration, you don't insist on a shared understanding or a shared plan and each of us advance with our own agenda. Is "discussions" and "informing", the only parts of the stretch collaboration? Or are there ways to convert stretch collaboration to conventional collaboration at least for some portions later.

2) A lot of examples particularly at the latter stages seem to be confined to author's emotions and feelings. The India example was one such incident, where I wanted the author to spend sometime going into the learnings he had. Similarly, the author talking about conventional collaboration and contrasting some of it would have also been illuminating.

Overall enjoyed reading the book and its something I plan to refer to my colleagues and friends as well.
3 people found this helpful
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Em
1.0 out of 5 stars Excellen title, horrible content
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on September 4, 2022
Half the book is about the author's experience in Guatemala etc. The other half expresses time and time again, the same idea - in a nutshell: it says a mix of love and assertion is the key and that it will be difficult. It's basically a speech. Don't waste your money, nothing practical in this book.
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Nadia S
4.0 out of 5 stars super awesome!
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on August 13, 2022
Verified Purchase
I find the ideas shared very consistent and harmonious, I want to try all three stretches and will revise my review after doing the suggested exercises.
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MC
2.0 out of 5 stars This could have been a 3 pages article
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on June 11, 2021
Verified Purchase
Not clear concepts, lots of repetition, useless name dropping which has no value for the reader, no conclusion on cases
2 people found this helpful
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Amy Crowe
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Read
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on November 10, 2020
Verified Purchase
Great read
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TeacherMom
2.0 out of 5 stars Not useful
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on August 4, 2020
Verified Purchase
I didn't really find much use in it. A combination of common sense and impractical anecdotes that don't apply to most work situations.
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SME85
4.0 out of 5 stars Must read if you're a teacher.
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on July 17, 2020
Verified Purchase
Great read to help you tolerate difficult people who make no sense to you.
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Great but not what you think
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on February 24, 2019
This is a wonderful book full of wisdom, but marketed in a silly way. It is not a "how to" book nor is it for everyday "work with" your regular colleagues. It is about the philosophy and some of the practice of recognizing and facilitating people on very difficult, large-scale social problems. Sure, aspects of this can be applied to regular work, but that is not the focus, though I am a huge fan of Adam Kehane's thinking.
One person found this helpful
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Kansas Engineer
5.0 out of 5 stars great read
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on February 16, 2019
Verified Purchase
enjoyed the material and writing style.
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Leslie Mullens
5.0 out of 5 stars A fresh way to engage and address intractable problems
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on February 10, 2019
Verified Purchase
I’ve been a leader in collaborative problem solving for a decade and turned to Kahane’s book when I realized we were seeing more and more situations in which our conventional collaboration models didn’t serve or stick. His approach is straightforward, if not simple, but provides a clear experimental path forward for our future engagements.
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