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Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life Paperback – March 3, 2015
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—John Gottman, Ph.D., author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
“Emily Nagoski has written one of the most important books about sex any woman (or anybody else) could ever pick up, full of insights that are both fascinating and deeply useful. Synthesizing new research and theory about sexuality with old-school sex-positive information of the sort you didn’t learn in sex ed (unless, perhaps, you are a Unitarian, or Scandinavian, or lucky enough to be in Dr. Nagoski’s class), I guarantee Come As You Are will open minds and change lives.”
— Carol Queen, Ph.D., Founding director, Center for Sex & Culture
“Emily Nagoski is worth her weight in TED Talks, and Come as You Are is a master-class in the science of sex.”
— Ian Kerner, sex therapist and bestselling author of She Comes First
“It’s the science of sex, decoded and demystified. Want to be educated on the latest findings about female genitalia? Of course you do. Empowering and sex-positive at best, this informative read makes for an enticing bedfellow.”
“Lots of books — and articles and experts — claim to have the keys to transform your sex life. This one actually has it. It isn’t as fast as taking a pill, but it will last a whole lot longer. You will find no hot new bedroom moves — it’s that deeper-level soul stuff. You know, the stuff that actually works.”
“Wonderful new language to help us articulate to women (and their lovers) what is going on.”
“Like a punch to the gut. When I read the passage that made me realize—after all these years—that I was not actually broken, I began to cry. . . . I wished [Nagoski] was someone who was actively in my life, someone I could reach out to for grounding every time I momentarily forgot the lessons in her book.”
“Nagoski’s book deserves plaudits for the rare achievement of merging pop science and the sexual self-help genre in prose that’s not insufferably twee. . . . [Come As You Are] offers up hard facts on the science of arousal and desire in a friendly and accessible way.”
—The Guardian (UK)
About the Author
- Item Weight : 13.6 ounces
- Paperback : 416 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1476762090
- ISBN-13 : 978-1476762098
- Product Dimensions : 6 x 1 x 9 inches
- Publisher : Simon & Schuster; 1st Edition (March 3, 2015)
- Language: : English
- Best Sellers Rank: #305 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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Written specifically for women, "Come as You Are" offers a world of advice for women trying to navigate this sex-negative world we live in. But trust me, guys, you'll find more than enough information in there to improve your very own sexuality, too. And you can probably imagine that improving your own outlook on sex just might help the woman you love improve hers, too. Sex is a team sport, right?
Emily is spot on with her science, her psychology and her outlook. And she's funny as hell to boot. This is not just a good read; it's a good, fun, highly-educational read that should help all of us -- women and men -- get a lot more satisfaction out of our various love lives.
Dr. Emily Nagoski is such a joy to read. Not only does she write using science and facts, but she gives such detail and simplistic terms that anyone can understand! Emily, a blog writer, covers so many great topics in this book that really detail the “Why’s” behind sexual arousal and desire. She covers many topics including emotions, mindfulness, attachment, and the science behind how the brain works! Her joyful writing style really makes this an easy read and is just so entertaining!
On a personal level, I really transformed my own feelings towards sexuality. Instead of being so clinical about my own feelings and emotions, I’m becoming more interested in finding what I enjoy about sex. Obviously, my husband isn’t complaining either 😊
Whether or not you have intimacy concerns or any type of sexual dysfunction, I truly believe that everyone can learn something about their own relationships and sexuality. This book is truly amazing and so enjoyable! I highly encourage you to read this one!
This amazing scientific book (which did go over my head a little bit at times) showed me that I'm perfectly normal and wonderful just as I am. I understood myself for the first time. I'm not broken; I'm not "not enough". I just have sensitive brakes.
This book empowers women. There is so much in the media - magazines, TV, porn, romantic fiction, that gives false messages on women's sexuality. Everyone is buying into these lies (based on ignorance and thinking women are the same as men). It's making women believe they are messed up sexually, and making men less than loving and patient toward their partners. The book goes into almost every dynamic of issues (which are actually caused more by stress, low self-esteem and a misunderstanding of our brakes and accelerators than anything else) - you need to read it to understand.
I feel like Emily is a strong sister who has taken my hand and raised it up to the sky and shouted to the world that "She is enough".
Top reviews from other countries
I picked this up (after reading some reviews) with the intention of trying to give my SO (who has some body image and anxiety issues) a little bit of a confidence boost. I began reading the first chapter to make sure this was a legitimate book and not some unfounded claptrap (like a lot of self help books). Suddenly I was half way through the book and thoroughly engaged. This book is obviously aimed at women but as a man I feel this could actually teach you a lot about your female partner. A theme that crops up in the book is the pressure a woman can feel to perform for a partner who craves their "love" which creates the adverse effect of reducing the woman's desire for intimacy because they feel pressured to do so. This is fine for the woman realising this by reading it in this book but without the partner learning it, it would still be a one sided realisation so I recommend reading this together as a couple. I wish there was a book in the same vein aimed for the male partner or even a book that encompasses both sides in a relationship.
The book so far has been a thoroughly interesting read backing up the science with evidence provided by past researchers in the field and dropping their names so you can look them up yourself if you want further reading. The science is explained plainly and with some extremely easy to understand metaphors. The rat and the lemon section for example was like a realisation of something you kind of always knew but when spelled out to you that human brains are not as complex as you might have assumed it seems so obvious once it is explained plainly how we tick. Each chapter even has a TLDR section at the end to recap and summarise the previous "lesson" or "message" the chapter is teaching you.
If I can summarise the messages I am getting from this book it is that no matter what problems you feel you have in your love life or with your body (and so many people seem to have such a variety of issues which this book gives examples of) it is that you don't have a problem at all and you are not broken you are completely normal and there are scientific explanations to explain why you are experiencing what you perceive to be problems.
If you want to unravel the ball of string in your mind that is your own perception of your or your partners (or societies) sexuality so you can see both ends of the string (and everything in between) I recommend this book. If you are a couple with a healthy sex life or a couple experiencing a perceived rough patch I would recommend this to both parties as it could improve anyone's understanding of their and others sexual self.
My reason for four stars rather than five is the same reason given as others was that at some points you feel like you are about to get an answer to one of your specific perceived issues (the reason you bought the book) and then the author will say "more on this in chapter 5" which can be frustrating but it definitely keeps you reading and learning more than just the specific issue you were looking for an answer for. This does make you learn a lot more than why you probably bought the book so it is beneficial to you, but if you wanted a quick answer to "why am I like X" it might frustrate you, but carry on reading and you will learn a lot more than you thought you would.
If you are feeling worried about your sexual self is some way I encourage you to read this book, hell if you aren't worried read this book. It is easy to read and totally fascinating and may just change your life. It changed mine!
It's very thorough and goes into detail with real life examples and answers to questions I could find the answers to else where (internet etc).
Theres scientific background and research in this book which makes it alot more credible.
In general, the book makes me feel normal in regards to all the sexual issues I have experienced, it allows me to embrace my womanhood and free the sex goddess that I am.