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Coming Home to Self: The Adopted Child Grows Up Paperback – June 30, 2004
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About the Author
Top Customer Reviews
This is a book of great depth and investigation into the experience of being adopted, and is an invaluable tool to understanding and healing for adopted people, their family of origin and adoptive family.
Verrier presents accessible information of the way the brain changes when children are separated from their mothers at birth, and how they build a false self in order to survive, yet how this false self serves them not, as they become adults.
She speaks about adoptees retaining the fight or flight mode because they are unwittingly always affected by their initial separation trauma. How the false self that mantles many adoptees, also prevents them from having authentic relationships and makes intimacy difficult. The adoptee who uses the false self to prevent further pain, building impenetrable walls around their hearts, are also isolated by them.
This book is challenging, as it encourages the adopted person to recognise their choice to remain in victim mode and encourages them to take responsibility for their effect on others. Verrier points out that adoptees are often insensitive with others, yet ultra sensitive to any comments or action that they see might be derogative to themselves ...in fact, sometimes their agenda colors everything anyone says as potentially negative, and they may be always ready to rail against it. Verrier points out that this is because of the initial trauma of separation from the mother, which has kept the adoptee in a traumatised state.
Verrier encourages adoptees to reassess what is really happening in their present situation, in order for them to start healing their relationships and their lives.
This is powerful writing with clear and thoroughly researched insight.
Lina Eve [...]
There's so much here that it's impossible to summarize. Suffice to say I was both abandoned as a baby and then adopted children, and certainly wish I had read Verrier's books before doing the latter. It would have made the experience far easier and, hopefully, helped avoid many of the traps she writes about--and that I experienced. This, and "Primal Wound," should be read by every mental health care professional.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
I bought this book thinking it was a self help book as a sequel to Nancy Verrier's book Primal Wound. It was not as I expected. Read morePublished 8 months ago by Amazon Customer
Very informative. I wish there were more advice for people in relationships with adoptees...but that seems to be an area that doesn't get a lot of focus.Published 17 months ago by Tiffany Rossi
Another amazing accomplishment for an author dedicated to the suffering of a taboo minority. I read the primal wound while in medical school and felt validated for the first time... Read morePublished 19 months ago by Michael Myers
Finally, someone understands!!! This book is filled with insight and practical guidelines for everyone touched by adoption.. adoptee, birthmother, birthfather and adoptive mother. Read morePublished 20 months ago by bookaholic