If you are like me, you may feel you are already overdosing on the "gay marriage issue", which has apparently replaced "gays in the military" as the hot-button issue for politicians, journalists, talk-show hosts, religious-(not)right bigots and many gay activists. Though I have heard of Dan Savage and read a couple of brief articles of his on Salon.Com, I have not seen his column or previous books, but earlier reviews of this book sparked my interest.
In my opinion, "The Commitment: Love, Sex, Marriage, and My Family" should be required reading for anyone, on either "side", who wants to debate the right of same-sex couples to wed. It is an intelligent, realistic and often hillarious first-person account of the author's own experience in reconciling the concept of gay marriage with his own successful relationship with Terry, his partner of ten years, with whom he has adopted a son, "D.J." now six years old. While the author shares the minority opinion that gay couples should be allowed to marry, and supports the limited laws that permit this in Massachusetts, Canada and many foreign countries, he's not quite sure he and Terry would decide to wed. Between his own concerns that it might "jinx" the successful relationship he already has, his partner sees it as gay men "posing" as straights, and his son, a budding "metal head" who, while he loves his "two dads" very much ... and would definitely partake of the cake after the ceremony ... thinks the idea of two men saying "I Do" and kissing is just too "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" for his taste.
Enter the Savage family from the south side of Chicago, including Dan's divorced parents (father is a conservative Republican, mother is a liberal who pushes the couple to marry), and his three siblings (straight, but two of the three are "shacking up" without the formality of marriage.) Mix in extensive research on the subject for Dan's column, including details of recent right-wing antigay legislation, as well as viewing the Bravo series on "Gay Weddings" which isn't exactly comforting to someone thinking of having one, and Dan and Terry conclude it might be a better idea to just get matching tatoos, certifying they "belong" to each other. But that didn't work out real well for Angelina Jolie, did it?
Clever and witty, informative and surprisingly fair to all points of view on this sensitive topic, Savage's book is persuasive without being preachy or condescending. The book builds up to the couple's ten year anniversary party, which would be an ideal time for them to marry, if they were so inclined (and which Dan's mother is strongly lobbying in favor of.) The "will they or won't they" makes the latter half of the book a delightful page-turner, with clever touches that make the book especially memorable.
Highly recommended. Also a perfect gift for anyone you feel needs an education on the subject.
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Top reviews from other countries
M. Parker
Good book and an interesting discussion
Reviewed in Canada on October 19, 2014paris david
Hilarious brave and Typically Dan Savage
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 10, 2013