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Compassion and Self Hate: An Alternative to Despair Paperback – April 28, 1998
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About the Author
Theodore Isaac Rubin, M.D., has served as president of the American Institute of Psychoanalysis and is the author of thirty books, including The Angry Book, Lisa and David, Jordi, The Winner's Notebook, and Lisa and David Today. His books have been translated all over the world. He lives and practices psychiatry in New York City.
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I didn't realize until I read "Compassion and Self-Hate" that my self-loathing was at the root of my destructive behavior. My feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy led to a disastrous lifestyle that manifested itself in a severe drug addiction. Rubin perfectly describes me, or the way I used to be, several times - "Such people often look and act exceptionally passive. But this passivity, in relation to other people, masks an extraordinary active process of diminishing and demeaning oneself, which leaves little or no energy for the so-called pursuit of happiness," and - "If other people like them, then they like themselves for the moment. If someone, anyone, rejects them, then they feel destroyed." I learned that if a friend talked to me the way I talked to myself, I would have to rid that person from my life. I failed to realize that intrusive thoughts of self-hate can be ignored, or better yet, completely eradicated. I have to give up my false image of super-human standards, practice humility, stop second-guessing myself, stop injustice collecting, accept that rejection is inevitable and a part of life, and give up my need for total acceptance from others. After reading this book, I've decided to let go, relax, stop berating myself, and let be what will be. I will no longer feel bad because I haven't accomplished enough, achieved enough, or conformed enough. And I will no longer give up living in the here and now to futilely chase after a better future that is always just over the horizon.
When I first read "Compassion and Self-Hate" almost a year ago, it effected a total paradigm shift in my thinking. This isn't one of those touchy-feely books that have you repeating silly, daily affirmations in the mirror. This is a practical guide that will change your life if you suffer from addiction, alcoholism, depression, or any other destructive behavior or emotion. I will read "Compassion and Self-Hate" again and again because I want this to sink in.
David Allan Reeves
Author of "Running Away From Me"
I also wanted to express that if you have a friend, mother, brother, sister, boyfriend or girlfriend who struggles with self-love, who is disgusted at him/herself and you don't know how to help them, give this book as a gift. Often they are desperate for your help but when you try to reach out they reject you or push you away and you get discouraged, angry and hurt. Please know they do not mean it. They just don't know how to get out of that hole as it is so hard to climb out of it alone. Try getting 2 books, one for your loved and one for yourself, whether you suffer from low self-image or not. What will happen is that you will get to understand what the person is going through in a better way. More importantly, by reading it together you are supporting the person. It's easy to dictate the person to do this and try that, but how often does that work?