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A Complaint Free World: How to Stop Complaining and Start Enjoying the Life You Always Wanted Paperback – February 5, 2013

by Will Bowen (Author)

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Full of practical ideas and inspiring stories from people who have already transformed their lives through the Complaint Free program, you'll learn not only how to stop complaining but also how to become more positive and live the life you’ve always dreamed about.

More than ten million people in 106 countries have used the simple principles found in this book to eradicate the toxicity of complaining from their lives. And, as a result, they have experienced better health, happier relationships, greater career success and a significant increase in happiness.

A Complaint Free World will explain what constitutes a complaint, why we complain, what benefits we think we receive from complaining, how complaining is destructive to our lives, and how we can get others around us to stop complaining. Find out how forming the simple habit of not complaining can transform your health, relationships, career and life.

Consciously striving to reformat your mental hard drive is not easy, but you can start now by using the steps Bowen presents here. If you stay with it, you'll find that not only will you stop complaining, but others around you will cease to do so as well and in a short period of time, you'll have a more positive life.

“A Complaint Free World is an engaging, enjoyable, easy-to-read reminder that the only permanent, constructive changes you can make in the world are the changes that you make in yourself.”
–Gary Zukav, author of The Seat of the Soul and Soul to Soul

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304 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Harmony
Publication date

February 5, 2013
Dimensions

5.01 x 0.66 x 7.5 inches
ISBN-10

0770436390
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978-0770436391
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Editorial Reviews

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“A Complaint Free World is an engaging, enjoyable, easy-to-read reminder that the only permanent, constructive changes you can make in the world are the changes that you make in yourself.” —Gary Zukav, author of The Seat of the Soul and Soul to Soul

“It's rare to read a book that has the potential to change the world, but Will Bowen's masterpiece could do just that. I highly recommend this book to you. It will change your life for the better as it has mine.” —Roger Dawson, author of Secrets of Power Negotiating

"This is the most inspiring book I've read all year. I love it!” —Dr. Joe Vitale, author of Zero Limits and star of The Secret

About the Author

WILL BOWEN is the founder of the organization A Complaint Free World and works with individuals and organizations around the world to create Complaint Free environments that are calmer, happier and more productive.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Chapter 1
I Complain Therefore I Am

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. —Lily Tomlin

Complain: (verb) 1: to express grief, pain, or discontent 2: to make a formal accusation or charge —The Merriam–Webster Dictionary

There are four stages to become competent at anything. In becoming a Complaint Free person, you will go through each of them and, sorry, you can’t skip steps. You can’t jump over them and effect lasting change. Some of the stages last longer than others. Everyone’s experience with them varies. You might soar through one stage and then become stuck in another for a long time, but if you stay with it you will master this skill.

VOICES
Like most of the other folks who took up the Complaint free challenge, I quickly discovered exactly how many of the words I spoke in daily interactions were complaints. For the first time, I really heard myself when I vented about work, whined about my aches and pains, bemoaned political and world issues, and complained about the weather. What a shock to realize how many of my words held negative energy–and I considered myself such a positive person! —Marty Pointer, Kansas City, MO

The four stages to competency are:
1. Unconscious Incompetence
2. Conscious Incompetence
3. Conscious Competence
4. Unconscious Competence

In “On a Distant Prospect of Eton College,” Thomas Gray gave us the saying “ignorance is bliss.” As you become a Complaint Free person, you begin in the bliss of ignorance, move through the turmoil of transformation, and arrive at true bliss. Right now, you are in the Unconscious Incompetence stage. You are unconscious about your being incompetent. You don’t realize (are unconscious) as to how much you complain (are incompetent).

Unconscious Incompetence is as much a state of being as a stage of competency. This is where we all begin. In Unconscious Incompetence you are pure potential, ready to create great things for yourself. There are exciting new vistas about to be explored. All you have to do is be willing to go through the remaining steps.

Many people are an “ouch!” looking for a hurt. If you cry “ouch,” the hurt will show up. If you complain, you’ll receive more to complain about. It’s the Law of Attraction in action. As you complete these stages, as you leave complaining behind, as you are no longer an “ouch” looking for a hurt, your life will unfold for you like a beautiful spring flower.

One of the questions I’m often asked is “Can I never complain…ever!?” To which I answer, “Of course you can complain.” I say this for two reasons:

1. I’m not out to tell you or anyone else what to do. If I were, I’d be trying to change you, and that means I’m focusing on something about you I don’t like. I’d be expressing discontent about you and, by inference, complaining. So you can do whatever you want. It’s your choice.

2. Sometimes it makes sense to complain.

Now, before you feel you’ve found your loophole in number 2 above, consider that word “sometimes” and remember that I and many, many people have gone three consecutive weeks–that’s 21 days, or 504 hours in a row–without complaining at all. No complaints, zero, I Complain Therefore I Am 25 zip! When it comes to complaining, “sometimes” means “not very often at all.” Complaining should happen infrequently; criticism and gossip, never. If we are honest with ourselves, life events that lead us to legitimately complain (express grief, pain, or discontent) are exceedingly rare. Most of the complaining we do is just a lot of “ear pollution” detrimental to our happiness and well-being.

Check yourself. When you complain (express grief, pain, or discontent), is the cause severe? Are you complaining frequently? Has it been a month or more since you complained? If you’re complaining more than once a month, you might just be giving in to habitual griping, which doesn’t serve you. You’re an “ouch” looking for a hurt.

To be a happy person who has mastered your thoughts and has begun creating your life by design, you need a very, very high threshold of what leads you to express grief, pain, and discontent. The next time you’re about to complain about something, ask yourself how the situation stacks up to something that happened to me a few years ago.

I was sitting in my office preparing a lesson. The home we lived in at the time was located at a sharp bend in the road. Drivers had to slow down to make the curve, and just 200 yards past our house the city road became a county highway and the speed limit changed from 25 mph to 55 mph. As a result, we lived on an acceleration/deceleration lane. If it weren’t for the curve in the road, our home would have been in a very dangerous place. It was a warm spring afternoon and the lace curtains flapped softly in the breeze from the open windows. Suddenly, I heard a strange sound. There was a loud thud, followed by a scream. It wasn’t the scream of a person, but rather that of an animal. Every animal, just like every person, has a unique voice, and I knew this voice well. It was our long-haired golden retriever, Ginger. Normally, we don’t think of dogs screaming. Barking, howling, whimpering—yes; but screaming is something we rarely hear. But that’s exactly what Ginger was doing. She had been hit, and she lay in the road shrieking with pain not twenty feet outside my window. I shouted and ran through the living room and out the front door, followed by my wife, Gail, and my daughter, Lia. Lia was six at the time.

As we approached Ginger, we could tell she was badly hurt. She was using her front legs to try to stand, but her hind legs did not seem to be helping. Again and again she yowled in pain. Neighbors poured from their homes to see what was causing the commotion. Lia just kept saying her name, “Ginger…Ginger…,” as the tears flowed down her cheeks and wet her shirt.

I looked around for the driver who had hit Ginger but saw no one. Then I looked up the hill that marked the line between city road and county road and saw a truck, towing a trailer, cresting the hill and accelerating past 55 mph. Even though our dog lay there in agony, my wife stood in shock, and my daughter cried piteously, I was consumed with confronting the person who had hit Ginger. “How could anyone do this and just drive off?!” I thought. “He was just coming around the curve…surely he saw her, surely he knew what happened!”

Abandoning my family in the midst of their pain and confusion, I jumped into my car and spun out of the driveway, leaving a plume of dust and gravel. Sixty, 75, 83 miles per hour along the gravel-and-dirt road in pursuit of the person who had hit Lia’s dog and left without so much as facing us. I was going so fast on the uncertain surface that my car began to feel as if it were floating tenuously above the ground. In that moment, I calmed myself enough to realize that if I were killed while driving, it would be even harder on Gail and Lia than Ginger’s having been hurt. I slowed down just enough to control my car as the distance between me and other driver closed.

Turning into his driveway and still not realizing I was after him, the man stepped from his truck in a torn shirt and oily jeans. I skidded in behind him and jumped from my car, screaming, “You hit my dog!!!” The man turned and looked at me as if I were speaking a foreign language. With blood raging in my ears, I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly when he said, “I know I hit your dog…What are you going to do about it?” After regaining my connection with reality, I shot back, “WHAT?!? What did you say?!” He smiled as if he were correcting an errant child and then said again, in slow, deliberate words, “I know I hit your dog…Exactly what are you going to do about it?”

I was blind with rage. In my mind I kept seeing Lia in my rearview mirror standing over Ginger and crying. “Put up your hands,” I yelled. “What?” he said. “Put up your hands,” I said again. “Defend yourself…I’m going to kill you!”

A few moments before, reason had kept me from killing myself while driving in a white–hot rage to find this guy. Now his dismissive and cavalier comment about having painfully wounded a pet I dearly loved had vanquished all reason. I had never been in a fight in my adult life. I didn’t believe in fighting. I wasn’t sure I knew how to fight. But I wanted to beat this man to death. In that moment, I didn’t care if I ended up in prison.

“I ain’t gonna fight you,” he said. “And if you hit me, it’s assault, mister.” My arms raised, my fists clinched tight as diamonds, I stood there dumbfounded. “Fight me!” I said. “No, sir,” he said, smiling through his remaining teeth, “I ain’t gonna do no such thing.” He turned his back and slowly walked away. I stood there shaking, anger poisoning my blood.

I don’t remember driving back to my family. I don’t remember lifting Ginger up and taking her to the vet. I do remember the way she smelled the last time I held her and the way she whimpered softly as the vet’s needle ended her suffering. “How could a person do such a thing?” I asked myself repeatedly.

Days later, the man’s jagged smile still haunted me as I tried to sleep. His “What are you going to do about it?” rang in my ears. I visualized exactly what I would have done to him had we fought. In my visions I was a superhero destroying an evil villain. Sometimes, I imagined I had a baseball bat or other weapon and was hurting him, hurting him as badly as he had hurt me, my wife, my daughter, and Ginger.

On the third night of unsuccessful attempts to sleep, I got up and began to write in my journal. After spilling out my grief, pain, and discontent for nearly an hour, I wrote something surprising: “Those who hurt are hurting.” Taking in my words as if they were from someone else, I wondered aloud, “What?” Again I wrote, “Those who hurt are hurting.” I sat back, brooding in my chair, and listened to the spring peepers and the crickets celebrating the night. “Those who hurt are hurting? How could that apply to this guy?”

As I thought more about it, I began to understand. A person who could so easily hurt a treasured family pet must not know the love of companion animals as we do. A person who can drive away as a young child folds into tears could not know the love of a young child. A man who cannot apologize for spearing a family’s heart must have had his heart speared many, many times. This man was the real victim in this story. Truly he had acted as a villain, but it came as a result of the depth of pain within him.

I sat a long time, letting this all sink in. Every time I began to feel angry at him and the pain he caused, I thought of the pain this man must live with on a daily basis. In time, I switched off the light, went to bed, and slept soundly.

Complain: to express grief, pain, or discontent.

During this experience, I felt grief. Ginger had shown up five years ago at our home in rural South Carolina. Several dogs had come to our home wanting to stay, but Gibson, our other dog, always ran them off. For some reason, he let Ginger stay. There was something special about Ginger. We presumed from her demeanor that she had been abused prior to coming to us. And, because she especially shied away from me, it was probably a man who had hurt her. After a year or so, she had begun to tentatively trust me. And in the remaining years, she had become a true friend. I deeply grieved her passing.

I certainly felt pain, real emotional pain that tore at my soul. Those of us with children know that we would rather endure any pain than have our children do so. And the pain my Lia was going through redoubled my own.

I felt discontent. I felt torn for not having thrashed the guy as well as for having considered acting violently in the first place. I felt ashamed for having walked away from him and equally ashamed for having chased after him in the first place.

Grief. Pain. Discontent.

When this man hit Ginger, it was appropriate for me to have felt and to have expressed each of these. You may have experienced something equally difficult at some time in your life. Fortunately, such traumatic events are rare. Similarly, complaining (expressing grief, pain, or discontent) should be rare.

But for most of us, our complaints are not sourced by such deeply painful experiences. Rather, we’re the character in the Joe Walsh song “Life’s Been Good”—we can’t complain, but sometimes we still do. Things are not really bad enough to warrant expressing grief, pain, or discontent, but complaining is our default setting. It’s what we do.

Ignorance is bliss. Prior to beginning your trek down the path to becoming a Complaint Free person, you were probably blissfully unaware as to how much you complain and the damaging effect of your complaints on your life. For many of us, griping about the weather, our spouse, our work, our bodies, our friends, our jobs, the economy, other drivers, our country, or whatever we are thinking about is something we do dozens of times each and every day. Yet few of us realize how often we complain.

The words come out of our mouths, so our ears must hear them. But, for some reason, they don’t register as complaints. Complaining can be likened to bad breath. We notice it when it comes out of someone else’s mouth, but not when it comes from our own.

Chances are you complain a lot more than you think. And now that you’ve accepted the 21–day challenge to become complaint free, you have begun to notice it. You start moving the bracelet from wrist to wrist, and you realize how much you kvetch (Yiddish for “complain”—I’m not Jewish, but I really like the word).

Up until this point, you would probably have said, honestly, that you don’t complain—much, anyway. Certainly, you think that you only complain when something is legitimately bothering you. The next time you’re tempted to justify your complaining, remember Ginger’s story and ask yourself if what you’re going through is that bad. Then resolve to keep your pledge to not complain.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harmony; Reprint edition (February 5, 2013)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0770436390
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0770436391
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 7.6 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.01 x 0.66 x 7.5 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #102,121 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #865 in Spiritual Self-Help (Books)
- #2,169 in Motivational Self-Help (Books)
- #2,749 in Personal Transformation Self-Help

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4.6 1,013 ratings

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Will Bowen

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Will Bowen is the founder of the Complaint Free movement.

More than 15 million people worldwide have taken Will's 21-day Complaint Free challenge.

Will's been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Show, NBC's Today Show, People, Forbes, Newsweek, The Wall Street Journal, and Chicken Soup for the Soul.

Will Bowen holds the CSP (Certified Speaking Professional) designation and is a top keynote speaker and trainer for businesses and associations worldwide. Will's clients include Volvo, Kimberly Clark, and The Million Dollar Roundtable.

All five of Will's books are International Bestsellers.

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Customers find the book inspiring, inspiring, and a great daily reminder of how to approach life with a positive mindset. They describe it as a wonderful, well-written, and refreshing book. Readers also find the writing clear and concise.

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"...Overall I found this a very well written book, with great examples, a healthy dose of humanity, and a wonderful message for us all...." Read more

"...more and get your bracelet at [...]) and his book is a really fun, inspiring, practical look at how we can reformat our mental hard drives and..." Read more

"...at times, and is occasionally a bit woo, but it also makes some salient points about the way focusing on the bad brings more of the negative..." Read more

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Customers find the book wonderful, well-written, and refreshing. They say it's an amazing self-help book that provides an uplift feeling. Readers also mention the book is well worth it and entertaining.

"...Overall I found this a very well written book, with great examples, a healthy dose of humanity, and a wonderful message for us all...." Read more

"...World (learn more and get your bracelet at [...]) and his book is a really fun, inspiring, practical look at how we can reformat our mental hard..." Read more

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Lisa Shea

Highly Recommended

Reviewed in the United States on June 23, 2008

Verified Purchase

The first thing to understand about A Complaint Free World is that Will Bowen is NOT saying to be a doormat! He explicitly says "Directing a comment to someone who can improve your situation is not complaining." He says "I am NOT advocating remaining silent when there is something that has happened which you need corrected." His assistant, Marcia, says "It is NOT about stuffing your emotions in and putting on a Pollyanna face."

What they are going on is Dr. Robin Kowalski's definition, which was used in a famous study on complaining. "Whether or not the particular statement reflects a complaint ... depends on whether the speaker is experiencing an internal dissatisfaction."

So it's important to know this up front. This book is ALL for speaking out, speaking up, making changes, seeking improvements. It is about doing those things in a way that keeps you healthy, and will best reach your goals.

So, with that being understood, what is this book about? Will Bowen was trying to inspire his church members to live more attentive lives. Many of them had financial difficulties. The financial planning books they had talked about how complaining did little good to help - that people had to face their problems head on, work out solutions, and then work through them with energy and focus.

Will liked this idea and thought he could help people with the complaining part at least. He ordered 500 purple wrist bands that said "spirit", passed them out, and asked everyone to try not complaining for 21 days. If you complained, you moved the wrist band to the other wrist and started counting again. The moving-the-band was key - it was a physical action, something that your brain began to pay attention to.

People thought this would be easy - and then discovered they had to move the band 20 times in one day! Will himself broke 3 bands with all the moving before he succeeded. The average person who tries this takes 4-8 MONTHS before they succeed. However, they improve as time goes - and they report being SO much happier by the end.

Why?

"You can best get what you desire by expressing what you WANT rather than complaining about the way things are." People actually made far more progress in their lives when they phrased their desires in a way that enticed action, instead of in a way that was negative. Listeners get defensive and hostile at criticism - but they feel drawn to help if you are going for a positive goal.

"You have a right to get what you deserve. To achieve this don't talk about or focus on the problem. Focus BEYOND the problem." This is echoed in many other books. What you focus on is what you tend to get. If you complain about being fat and unhappy, you'll probably stay fat and unhappy! If you talk about your goals to go walking more, and your desire to go walking, I bet people will cheer you on and offer to go walking with you.

As Earl Nightingale says, "We become what we think about".

They have distributed 6 million FREE bracelets already, so this is resonating with a lot of people.

Will lays out the four stages of achieving mastery of ANY subject, including non-complaining.

* Unconscious incompetence
* Conscious incompetence
* Conscious competence
* Unconscious competence

What this means is we start out trying a new thing without realizing just how hard it could be. That's fine, otherwise we might not even try smile So with complaining, we start out thinking "heck that's easy" and then realize just how much we DO complain. So we're now conscious of how much work is ahead of us. But then over time, we get much better at it with attention - and finally it is a normal healthy part of our lives and we do it naturally.

The Psychological Bulletin study on complaining found that many complain to get sympathy, attention, or to dodge out of doing something. They even found that doctors felt 2/3rds of all visits to them were based on something mental / emotional! For example, someone gets extremely stressed by work - and this drives up their blood pressure. Think of how much more healthy we could all be if we found a better way to deal with stress and issues!

Ben Franklin said "The best sermon is a good example." Will points out that you shouldn't complain about others complaining smile Don't try to change others. Just be yourself, and don't "feed" their complaining. You might find they change naturally when they don't have a complaining buddy!

Will emphasizes that this is NOT about being a passive doormat. Martin Luther King Jr had his dream. Rosa Parks took her seat and held it. They had a positive vision of the future, and they went for it. They achieved great things.

He reminds you to think about why you are complaining, if you do. Criticizing a place (like a cheap restaurant) if often a form of bragging about your more sophisticated tastes. Criticizing others is a way of saying you are better than they are. He says it is fine to "process" - to share your feelings. "I feel upset because of what was said." He says it is less healthy to deliberately bash others, "She is a stupid jerk for doing that."

Overall I found this a very well written book, with great examples, a healthy dose of humanity, and a wonderful message for us all. Will doesn't say this is easy. He doesn't even say this is for everyone. But I definitely agree that many of us complain at the drop of a hat, over things that are really not a big deal at all. All that stress affects our bodies and our health. If we were able to find the humor in life - and find positive action to fix the things we want to fix - our world would really be a much better place.

Highly recommended!

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Brian Johnson | Heroic

Wonderful book.

Reviewed in the United States on June 24, 2016

Verified Purchase

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“Less pain, better health, satisfying relationships, a better job, being more serene and joyous ... sound good? It’s not only possible, it’s probable. Consciously striving to reformat your mental hard drive is not easy, but you can start now and in a short period of time—time that will pass anyway—you can have the life you’ve always dreamed of having.”

~ Will Bowen from A Complaint Free World

Will Bowen is the lead minister at Christ Church Unity in Kansas City, Missouri who decided to challenge himself and his congregation to go 21 days without complaining, criticizing or gossiping. Nervous about whether he’d get thru them all, he bought 500 purple bracelets and set up the rules:

1. “Begin to wear the bracelet on either wrist.

2. When you catch yourself complaining, gossiping, or criticizing, move the bracelet to the other wrist.

3. If you hear someone else who is wearing a purple bracelet complain, it’s okay to point out their need to switch the bracelet to the other arm; BUT if you’re going to do this, you must move your bracelet first! Because you’re complaining about their complaining.

4. Stay with it. It may take many months to reach 21 consecutive days. The average is 4 to 8 months.”

7 million (!) purple bracelets later, he’s made a big dent in his mission to create A Complaint Free World (learn more and get your bracelet at [...]) and his book is a really fun, inspiring, practical look at how we can reformat our mental hard drives and create more happiness and goodness in our lives.

Alexandra and I have been playing the 21 Day Complaint Free Challenge game for just over 10 days now. After shocking myself in the first few days with how much I complain, criticize and gossip, I almost got my first day without a complaint yesterday.

I told Alexandra, “Hey, we’ve almost made our first whole day w/out a complaint!” Did a little happy dance and then 2 minutes later I complained about the bath mat (!) being a little weird. The bath mat?! OMG.... D’oh. Too funny. Never fear, though. I shall triumph!

Let’s enjoy some of great Big Ideas:

1. We’re All Self-Made - Good thing to recognize.
2. The Mind’s Effect - On the body. Is huge.
3. Nit-Pick - And get infested.
4. Slingshots - + Running starts & coral reefs.
5. Dissatisfaction -> Action - vs. Complaining -> inaction.

Well isn’t that a beautiful image?! Here’s to ripening and inspiring those around us to do the same, my friend!

More goodness— including PhilosophersNotes on 300+ books in our *OPTIMIZE* membership program. Find out more at brianjohnson . me.

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Yves Farges

A Full Read Will Improve your Life

Reviewed in Canada on September 20, 2021

Verified Purchase

The idea is simple: we are stuck in the mud of Complaints, without realizing it. Our conversation is infected with negatives, we look at the world with a view to discover faults, then complain about it.

This book brings this faulty mindset out into the light, so you can see it. Remarkably, by being conscious of our complaints we can reduce them, and here is the brilliant result: life just gets better.

After reading this and observing the positive effect on even me, a fundamentally happy guy, it goes on my top shelf of important books. I would recommend this to anyone as a tool to improve fundamentally.

One person found this helpful

Tony Rock Stark

Cambia tu vida

Reviewed in Mexico on March 5, 2019

Verified Purchase

Es un libro que en un abrir y cerrar de ojos te da la clave para mejorar tu vida y hacer un giro de 180 grados hacia la dirección correcta.

One person found this helpful

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Maria A. C. Paula

Uma leitura obrigatória!!

Reviewed in Brazil on February 27, 2018

Verified Purchase

Estou praticando a proposta deste livro há algumas semanas. Um desafio fantástico! Divertido, desafiador e, como consequência, a vida ficou muito mais suave e muito mais gostosa!! É inacreditável!! Como não pensei nisto antes???

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tina

Self marketed bliss through ignorance

Reviewed in Germany on September 21, 2019

Verified Purchase

Ok. So, complaining all the time is not a good thing. I bought this to inspire me to stop complaining. This book should have been 30 pages long. It is full of self marketing, single success stories, and void of scientific research (mostly). Also very repetitive. I found it hard to get through. The author also tells you to not read the news, because they are negative. Is this guy working for Trump....? I will continue to make myself aware of complaining and stop doing it, but without ordering a bracelet and ignoring the news.

3 people found this helpful

Mme Nicola Simonetti

***

Reviewed in France on March 17, 2018

Verified Purchase

Book in good condition. Arrived quite quickly. ***** **** **** ****** *** **** *** ** ** ** ** *** * **** **** *** *** * **

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