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The Complete Idiot's Guide to Verbal Self-Defense Paperback – July 1, 1999

3.3 out of 5 stars 15 customer reviews

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From the Back Cover

You're no idiot, of course. You know it's unhealthy to obsess about a waiter's insulting remarks, and you're tired of hearing your "best friend" remind you of your shortcomings. But when it comes to actually confronting the verbal bullies in your life, you feel like your yellow streak has turned into stripes. Don't swallow your pride just yet! The Complete Idiot's Guide to Verbal Self-Defense, by best-selling author Dr. Lillian Glass, shows you how to take control of the situation. In this Complete Idiot's Guide, you get:
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Product Details

  • Series: Complete Idiot's Guides (Lifestyle Paperback)
  • Paperback: 352 pages
  • Publisher: ALPHA; 1st edition (July 7, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0028627415
  • ISBN-13: 978-0028627410
  • Product Dimensions: 7.4 x 0.9 x 9.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 3.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (15 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,221,849 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By Jay Young on February 28, 2004
Format: Paperback
As a resource of information about Verbal Abuse- what it is, identifying it, the detrimental affects it has on people, this is an excellent resource. I particularly appreciated Dr. Glass's listing of the physical, not just psychological, consequences of abuse. I also thought that the information on the various types was excellent. One thing I learned, which I had suspected, was that put-downs followed by "just kidding" are a form of manipulation.
That being said, I feel that the methods of dealing with verbal abuse and responding to it are lacking. There is very little in the way of assertiveness or active listening, essential skills in countering verbal abuse. I would recommend "Who's Listening Anyway" by John Lovitt as an excellent resource on listening, and "Asserting Yourself" by Bower and Bower for information on assertiveness.
To sum up, if you are looking for information about verbal abuse, this is a worthwhile read. If you are looking for effective ways to deal with it, go elsewhere.
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Format: Paperback
I thought this book had very childish responses to people that you should just avoid in the first place (or just not confront). The book's very recommended responses are just as childish as the "verbal abuser" and would seem to perpetuate the problem as apposed to resolving the issue(not to mention making you look as bad as the abuser). Obviously, the people that use this type dialog look bad themselves for saying such immature rhetoric and a simple "ok...let's move on" response would suffice. I don't need to read a book to figure that out. The books recommended retaliations are certainly not suitable for business dialogs. In all my 15 years as a businessman, I can't think of any times that people have flown off the deep end such as depicted by this book. I can't imagine propelling my career with some of the suggestions made in the book (actually, I can see getting demoted for saying such things). Most of the author's responses reminded me of Pewee Herman's famous "I know you are but what am I...". My advice, unless you associate with extremely uneducated spoiled people (which most of us don't), look for another book.
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Format: Paperback
Dr. Glass does a beautiful job of outlining the various types of verbal abuse and abusers. I especially liked how she described the traits of different types of verbal abusers out there...such as the control freaks and nosybodies. Unfortunately, this book severely lacks any realistic techniques for deflecting verbal abuse. Dr. Glass is a counceling psychologist and her experience is limited to the comfortable protection of her office. Her tactics for dealing with verbal abuse does not work in the real world because it does not address the issue of resolving conflict or defusing anger--only deflecting abuse. For example, one of her tactics is "give 'em hell and yell" in which she advocates yelling at the abuser and actually using "four letter words." I dare anyone to use this tactic in South Central Los Angeles on a Friday night and see if they survive to tell about it. When I am verbally assaulted, I already know how to yell at the idiot--I really don't need a book or a psychologist to tell me that. What I wanted was a better way of resolving the verbal attack that would focus more on the problem at hand and how it could be resolved without provoking the other side into a fight. Dr. Glass does not include much, if any, information on defusing anger with active listening or reframing techniques and I was disappointed that this book delievered everything about verbal abuse--except practical ways of resolving it.
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Format: Paperback
This book teaches you how to get the physical and verbal advantage over your verbal opponent. Those techniques will help you to increase your self-confidence. YOUR SELF-CONFIDENCE WILL BE AS HIGH AS THE HIMALAYAS. The book is truly gold and it can assist anyone and everyone. The communication skills that you also pick up from this book is fantastic.
There is a chapter in this book devoted to body language and this chapter alone is worth twice the price of the book (seriously).
You will learn the "THE SECRET TO HAVING A GOOD CONVERSATION WITH ANYONE" and "THE FOUR STEPS TO BEING A VERBAL BLACK BELT." These techniques are very GOOD. You will also learn how men and women communicate differently, how to overcome speech impediments, how to identify when someone is abusing you and not just "kidding around," how constant verbal abuse can KILL you (so you have to do something about it), and why verbal abusers lash out (the reasons why will shock you).
Most important of all, you will learn so many strategies and have many weapons up your sleeves (using verbal zingers to zap your opponent back for example) when it comes to dealing with toxic verbal abusers and you will know how to allow insults to roll off your shoulder.
The book is EXCELLENT because it is a product of the wonderful author's life's work in the field of psychology.
This is a a book everyone, I mean everyone
MUST GET!
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Format: Paperback
This book ought to be required reading for all kids old enough to read it, and then they should have to memorize it before being allowed to graduate high school!

That said, this book is a fantastic text that belongs on everyone's shelves. It teaches you how to handle yourself in difficult situations, especially if someone else's behavior isn't just annoying, it's abusive. I wish I'd had this book years ago! No, it's not an all-inclusive or detailed book in every area, as some reviewers noted. However, if you're looking for a starting point, this is a fantastic one and you can research further from here once you devour her book.
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