Confessions of a Would-Be Wanker: A Memoir/Manifesto Paperback – August 22, 2014

As a fan of Andy Nowicki's online non fiction work I eventually found my way into his fiction. Andy, as mentioned by others, is really an existentialist horror writer for lack of a better term. The Columbine Pilgrim (oh my goodness..), Lost Violent Souls and Under the Nihil feature some of the most depraved and alienated characters you will find and are the perfect, Novella/Short story length for horror. However this is the first
non fiction work of Andy I have read published. In this case on the create.a.space format.

Andy writes in his own words for the few, the people who can relate to alienation from the very society and world that they were raised in. This of course should appeal to the most recent generation of young men aka the millenials but as nearly the same age as Andy(Generation X) I can truly relate to this work which is both an examination of sex and of coming of age in the late 1980's. His self deprecating, honest and transparent views on both himself and the outside world are striking. We gen Xer's have the unique experience of having our feet in the older world that still existed
and the Brave New World wrought by the true american revolution, the sexual revolution.

His honest appraisal of his catholic faith and admitting he does not feel the hand of god in his own life or in the world is something one rarely hears from either devotees or their atheist mockers. As an atheist who despised other atheists I am in Andy's corner.

The big focus here is on sex and sexuality and I was struck by how Andy calls it out as what it is and what I have always felt, that it is dirty and repulsive, not only on the physical level but also on the metaphysical and spiritual level. He is not talking about the natural process, no different from voiding ones bowels or seeking food. In fact he even admits the seemingly transcendent nature
of it but in the end it represents a 'forbidden' and destructive force regardless of what we feel. But its for reproduction one will protest!

Oh yes, we all worship women and watch pornography and seek females with the thought of little crying and crapping winston churchill looking primates to support for nearly 20 years who then turn on us for what little thing we could not possibly provide. That is the after thought and then should supported by a framework from your cultural traditions. I am talking of the world we live in now where such traditions are as archaic and hollow as a molted spider's exoskeleton in the corner of the window pane.

Of course its for reproduction biologically, but the backdrop behind all of andy's commentary is the absolute and utter moral collapse in the West. Essentially the above analysis is accurate at this point of the decline. A man's lust is at this point commodified and used as a baited hook to trap him to a woman which is to say the larger, depraved society. The Unconscious Succubus.

Another excellent point is sexual conquest as status. To betray even ones friends who are considered uncool and geeky to then gain female attention all for a moment of sloppy and frequently anti climatic pleasure but mostly for status. To have high status in the herd. He nails the whole
manosphere/pua culture as essentially taking advantage of the collapse by thinking they are getting over on women when in the end they are doing that by GIVING THEM WHAT THEY WANT. Just slave and one without integrity or self respect at that! Like joining in the scramble for the last
rib at the country buffet.

I too have always felt the trouble involved in gaining status or even female attention was never worth the real and potential trouble encountered.
MAYBE(and only maybe) in a older, saner traditional society it would have been possible but not in this pathetic shell of a world. I embrace my loserdom as Andy has although to his credit he has a wife and two children. This merely reinforces his views that he still feels the same way he did as an awkward teen (I envision Napoleon Dynamite with the late 80's vibe) despite "making it" in the nuclear family sweepstakes. I had a long term girlfriend that ended due to death (Thanks for the misery, Lord!) and have politely turned down more than a few interested females in my life so I am not a total troll looking geeky guy so to speak but even if I was, what Andy talks about is just as valid and true. Let lust and sex be the LAST thing you seek in a relationship with the so called fairer sex. You will never fill that void.

Other interesting highlights:

-what happens when a friend tries to impress two older boys about the merits of watching that old film War Games. I picture someone I know in Andy's place and responding quite differently to the insult that follows (like bashing in the guys face).

-His time in the drama department in college and dealing with a megalomaniac bully director, all against the backdrop of the Berlin Wall
falling.

-His observations on being an only child and the utter seriousness one takes of oneself combined with the coming disaster of not
being 'trained' so to speak by your non existent siblings on how to deal with your peers, putting you at a severe disadvantage when being thrown in
with them in social situations. At least his parents were not divorced to add to that!

-the dialectics of the Zeitgeist where being a 'virgin' is an insult once reserved for 'slut' or 'whore', and what was good in the past is now evil and vice versa (aka the change in the view of gay marriage, promiscuity, etc.)

-The utter herd mentality of 'coolness' and rebelling. I think Hipsters/urban elves are the 'last man' epitome of this ongoing phenomenon. One might
even have the urge to emulate some jerk with shades and big hair and a denim jacket back in the 1988 'Uncle Buck' era but who in their right minds
wants a twirly mustache, beard and large rim glasses and ear gauges and thinks thats cool?

A short book but I enjoyed it immensely and made me think. Andy paralleled alot of things I felt about sex and my life. Sort of a counterpart to the work of James Lafond dealing with the other aspect of manhood that has been twisted and supposedly 'suppressed' in the post modern era (that being violence).

Also as a minor point it, I like how Andy used the create.a.space platform and a basic cover to get out what would be hard to publish even for the most maverick and dissident. He also has a semi promotional soundcloud page which expands on themes in this book. I enjoyed his podcast where he gives his advice for picking up chicks: DON'T.

This is literally the most unpopular and counterintuitive work you will find that relates to the 'manosphere' and 'alt right' in any capacity. I recommend it and any of Andy's fiction to any thinking man(sorry ladies, this ain't for you) who sees that the veil is lifted and that he is living in the Twilight of the West and the Dawn of the Dead.

A good writer and an interesting take on sex.