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Conflict without Casualties: A Field Guide for Leading with Compassionate Accountability Paperback – April 24, 2017
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“Conflict without Casualties fills a gap by showing leaders at any level how to leverage positive conflict. Practical, insightful, challenging, relevant.”
—Dan Pink, New York Times bestselling author
“Who could ever think of conflict as creative? Nate Regier, that's who. In Conflict without Casualties, Nate introduces the concept of compassionate accountability—holding someone, including yourself, accountable while preserving one's dignity. His strategies are effective at work and at home—at every level. Don't shy away from conflict; face it with creativity and compassion and watch things change for the better.”
—Ken Blanchard, coauthor of The New One Minute Manager® and Collaboration Begins with You
“We all know that drama will suck the energy out of your day, your department, and your company, but no one has identified with as much precision as Regier how to eliminate the drama and suffuse the workplace with more creativity, accountability, and productivity than ever. A revolutionary resource!”
—Marshall Goldsmith, international bestselling author or editor of thirty-five books, including What Got You Here Won't Get You There and Triggers
“A must-read that offers a simple, powerful model for transforming conflict, drama, and negative energy into compassionate accountability and a stronger, more united team.”
—Jon Gordon, bestselling author of The Energy Bus and The Carpenter
“Conflict without Casualties is powerful but in a practical way. Dr. Regier provides a compelling model to demonstrate how the energy created by conflict can be utilized for positive change—for individuals, within relationships, for organizations, and even for world crises. His analysis of the dynamics within the ‘drama triangle' of persecutor-victim-rescuer clarifies most of the dysfunction seen in workplace relationships. The beauty of the concept, however, blossoms more fully as he describes the positive power created from the ‘compassion cycle' of openness-resourcefulness-persistence. Thought-provoking yet easy to read and comprehend, this book is highly recommended to anyone interested in transforming the negative cycles in relationships (both work-based and personal) into the energy that will fuel positive growth.”
—Paul White, PhD, coauthor of The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace, Rising above a Toxic Workplace, and Sync or Swim
“Nate Regier takes the old idea that creativity is the hidden purpose behind conflict and opposition in this world and applies it to many practical and important areas of human endeavor. His work with compassionate engagement can help sustain relationships of all kinds.”
—Michael Meade, author of Fate and Destiny and Why the World Doesn't End
“The world needs Next Element's brilliant model for transforming conflict into productive change. Nate's book profoundly improved my mindset and gave me the tools to have powerful relationship-building conversations. I recommend it to everyone who wants to live authentically and influence others.”
—Vicki Halsey, PhD, Vice President, The Ken Blanchard Companies, and author of the bestselling Brilliance by Design
“I found Conflict without Casualties to be very practical and accurate as a comprehensive approach to conflict—especially workplace conflict. I really enjoyed its thoughtfulness and sensitivity and the author's personal openness in explaining the development of the theory and steps of Next Element's compassion cycle. The examples were particularly helpful, and one of the sample quotes gave me words I can use in an upcoming conflict situation.”
—Bill Eddy, coauthor of It's All Your Fault at Work and President, High Conflict Institute
“This book is a wonderful and powerful resource. I can see how ORPO can be leveraged in innovation and teams for real breakthroughs—without the casualties!”
—Chris Donlon, Senior Field Umpire and Grand Final Umpire, Australian Rules Football
About the Author
Nate Regier, PhD, is the CEO and cofounder of Next Element, a global training advisory firm specializing in leadership communication and building cultures of Compassionate Accountability. He is a former practicing psychologist and holds a doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Kansas.
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Top Customer Reviews
Not many people truly enjoy conflict. Conflict seems to bring out the worst in people and so many of us don’t know how to react to it or realize that it can be used as a catalyst for change. Growing up, I never liked conflict and tended to morph into the background whenever it reared its ugly head. As I jumped into the real world I ran smack into conflict coming at me from many directions. It was a changing life lesson and I had no choice but to swim with the sharks. Ultimately, I grew to embrace conflict to as a means to unite people and work on problems. Surprisingly, this little conflict avoidance girl was a dynamo at actually stepping in to resolve conflict with a clear head and open heart.
When I had a chance to read the new book coming out soon Conflict without Casualties A Field Guide for Leadership with Compassionate Accountability by Nate Regier Ph.D. I rejoiced. Conflict doesn’t need to be a dirty word and we should snap to attention when it rears up because it means that people may be passionate about something and willing to stand up for what they believe. Nate shows us how conflict should be viewed as a creative force because there is often so much energy behind it. Nate asserts how conflict can be turned around and utilized to grow innovation, build trust, and further engage people. His views will help you change your perspective on conflict, people, and how it can be used to make us more accountable.
Conflict without Casualties is an effective tool kit for managing conflict. Nate introduces us to the nuances of drama through the “drama triangle” resulting from conflict and the roles people take on in the process. People may play the victim, rescuer, or persecutor, none of which are healthy. Drama is expensive in monetary and emotional terms. We have all been caught up at one time or another in drama games and they can bring down people and organizations.
Drama and conflict can be negated through a compassion process which Nate introduces as the “compassion circle”. We turn conflict on its head by being open/vulnerable, resourceful/generate options, and persistence to bring about change. The cycle enables us to balance compassion and accountability while turning conflict into a growth experience of change for teams. Compassionate leaders should focus on this model when working through conflict by starting by asking if there is true openness and making an assessment. If so, move on to making movement on ideas and moving forward. Only then can leaders encourage others to remain persistent in making change or progress.
Compassion without Casualties leads us through the critical process of getting beyond what I call all of the “junk” in the workplace or even in your own home. Nate encourages us to look at conflict in a new way and to actually embrace it because it can be turned into a positive. He never states that it will be an easy path but in the end it brings us results and growth. You will learn that “Compassion balances caring, concern, empathy and transparency with boundaries, goals, aspirations, and standards. It’s the engine that turns conflict into a creative force”.
So how can you use Conflict without Casualties in your own world to grow? Following are some insights to encourage you to embrace conflict, not run!
• Personal stories and real- life examples of conflict situations and the impact
• Case studies that can be shared with teams
• Provocative questions to think through to really see the benefit of opening up to conflict
• Relevant effective strategies for avoiding drama and becoming a compassionate leader
• Personal reflection and personal development questions
• A DRE assessment – Drama Resilience Assessment which is an online assessment
We have so much conflict swirling around us every day and it really is unavoidable unless you live a cave. Don’t run from it. Open your arms and heart to using conflict to solve problems, develop people, and bring more compassion to the negativity in the world. Conflict without Casualties should be your go to bible for turning conflict upside down and bringing compassion back into addressing it.
The key to turning Conflict from Casualties to Conflict with Compassionate Accountability is digging into the steps documented and shared throughout this book, Conflict without Casualties. The principals are explained in such profound detail in the first chapters of the book, there is no mistaking the validity of how the components of the Compassion Cycle intersect to produce positive outcomes where there is immense potential for struggles, clashes, disagreements, and scars. The second half of the book is all about using the formula to successfully manage the ‘dance between drama and compassion’. In case study after story after dialog, Nate Regier takes a deep dive into how all the moving parts work together to build an environment of transformative communication.
The book is filled with examples of compassionate accountability as well as recommendations for applying the cycle of openness, resourcefulness, and persistence. The author's background in psychology aided him and his team in proposing, testing, and adjusting the model. I look forward to applying this compassionate accountability in my personal and professional life.
His use of Berne's transactional analysis theory is the weakest part of the book in my opinion. He makes allusions to the theory without detail, and unless readers are familiar with the theory they may well misunderstand the references and theory. I wish he had done a bit more explaining how Berne's theory guided his compassionate accountability theory.
Overall, the book is worth reading and applying.
Don't be afraid to make the investment in this book. You'll receive far more value than its cost.