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The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment Kindle Edition
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"The deeply rich and nuanced skill set required for offering secure parenting to children with trauma has too often been left to common sense. But now, Karyn Purvis and Lisa Qualls provide a wealth of research-based expertise and personal experience that will change the life of any adult caring for a child who knows ‘hard places.’ They offer a wide variety of practical tools for understanding the core (and often hidden) needs of children struggling with trauma. Their compassionate, wise, and clinically proven step-by-step options can alter the outcome of any child’s life. My deep gratitude to Karyn Purvis and Lisa Qualls for making this practical and life-altering option available in such a clear, accessible, and compassionate way.”
—Kent Hoffman, cofounder of Circle of Security and coauthor of Raising a Secure Child
“When caring for children from hard places, feelings of love are simply not enough. This book addresses so many topics close to our own hearts and personal story. The real-life accounts of walking through the hardest places will bring the hope and healing that are so desperately needed. To Karyn Purvis and Lisa Qualls, thank you for an amazing resource that everyone in the adoption community can use on their own path toward restoration.”
—Mary Beth Chapman, cofounder of Show Hope
“Providing care for children who come from ‘hard places’ isn’t easy. These children think and act with few assumptions of safety and trust. To connect with these children, we need to understand and attend to their underlying fear and shame while ensuring that we are approachable and trustworthy ourselves. Karyn and Lisa remind us again and again about the power of relationships in promoting healing and development, and they provide many practical strategies to assist us in our journey. They also remind us also of the need to begin at the beginning, creating safety and connection, balancing nurture with predictability and structure, while modeling the attitude and behaviors we hope to teach. The Connected Parent complements Karyn’s earlier work, The Connected Child, and highlights the need for parents to understand and care for themselves while providing their children with the comfort and joy they desperately need. This journey may be hard, so you would do well to keep this book at your side.”
—Dan Hughes, author and founder of Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy
“Lisa Qualls has done a masterful job of weaving her family’s story together with the powerful legacy of the late Dr. Karyn Purvis. A must-read for parents who long to attach successfully to their adopted kids.”
—Sherrie Eldridge, author of Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
“Tragically, many traumatized children are greatly misunderstood. Dr. Karyn Purvis knew how to reach these children and begin the process of healing. In her final written work, The Connected Parent, Dr. Purvis shares her wisdom and expertise for working with children who have experienced trauma. She had a heart as big as Texas, and we are so thrilled that her work continues to help vulnerable children and families all around the world.”
—Deborra-lee Jackman, adoptive parent and founder of Adopt Change and Hopeland
“This is the book foster and adoptive parents have waited for. Dr. Karyn Purvis taught so many of us about our children and how to play a part in their healing. Receiving more insight and instruction from Dr. Purvis posthumously is an unexpected gift, and it is made complete by the compassionate wisdom and experience of fellow foster and adoptive mother Lisa Qualls. Together, their voices create a more complete roadmap for foster and adoptive parents as they love and parent children from hard places.”
—Jamie Finn, speaker and author of Foster the Family
“This gem of a book provides parents with a holistic, research-based parenting approach for children who have endured trauma. Karyn Purvis’s clear voice provides the science behind children’s struggles and effective parenting approaches. Lisa brings the book home with her scripts, examples, and tips on behavioral interventions. The authors connect aptly with their readers even as they help us to connect with children. This compassionate book touched my heart. I am grateful to Karyn Purvis for her legacy through this book, made the richer through joint authorship by Lisa Qualls.”
—Deborah Gray, author of Promoting Healthy Attachments; Attaching with Love, Hugs, and Play; Nurturing Adoptions, and Attaching in Adoption
“This amazing book continues the legacy of Dr. Karyn Purvis and her ground-breaking techniques in helping children and families do the work of healing. Joining with Dr. Purvis, Lisa Qualls brilliantly weaves real-life challenges and methods through every chapter, offering hope and practical, realistic strategies. This book will make a great resource for foster and adoptive parent book clubs and support groups. I recommend it highly!”
—Jayne Schooler, author of Wound Children, Healing Homes, Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child, and The Whole Life Adoption Book
“What a gift this book is to anyone working and living with children from hard places. How many of us have longed for someone whispering in our ear, telling us how to apply Dr. Purvis’s principles in the heat of the moment? Lisa Qualls shares vulnerably about her family in a relatable way, allowing us to learn and be inspired to grow alongside of her. This way of parenting is a game changer, and over the long haul, it brings the peace we long for in our challenging stories.”
—Beth Guckenberger, author, missionary, and adoptive and foster parent
“In The Connected Parent, the truth of psychology and clinical research is paired with the grace of real-life-in-the-trenches parenting in such a way that all who read it will feel better equipped to care for children from “hard places”—and empowered to reject the whispers of shame and failure they will inevitably confront along the journey. This is a must-have book.”
—Jason Johnson, speaker and author of Reframing Foster Care
“Dr. Karyn Purvis and Lisa Qualls have written a must-read for adults who want to understand how to serve and love children as well as themselves. This book gives adults permission to embark on a journey of self-discovery as they usher children through their own journey. Such a practical and sophisticated book...a gift of love to the world.”
—Daren Jones, Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development
“When I met Dr. Karyn Purvis, I was immediately in awe of her gentle spirit and her wisdom. Her book The Connected Child is the most ragged, worn-out book in my house because I referred to it over and over in moments of desperation in parenting children from hard places. The Connected Parent will soon look the same, as it is full of wisdom and insight that I will refer to continually. This book is for all parents who long to love their children with compassion and tenderness. I’m so thankful that the work of Dr. Purvis lives on at the Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development at Texas Christian University and through Lisa Qualls and this book!”
—Katie Davis Majors, author of Kisses from Katie and Daring to Hope, founder of Amazima Ministries
“The Connected Child was a life changer for my family—what a gift that we now get the incredible continuation of Dr. Purvis’s work in The Connected Parent. Her rich knowledge of attachment, sensory processing, and neuroscience as they relate to relational trauma are brought to life with Lisa Qualls’s abundant and heart-filled stories. Written with compassion and empathy, The Connected Parent will serve as a necessary resource for adoptive and foster families for generations to come!”
—Jessica Honegger, founder of Noonday Collection, author of Imperfect Courage
About the Author
Karyn Purvis, PhD was an authoritative speaker, writer, trainer, and passionate advocate for children. Her work has been featured in Newsweek, Focus on the Family, Dateline, and countless other media outlets. She was the founder of the Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development at Texas Christian University where her tireless devotion to loving and serving children continues to flourish.
--This text refers to the paperback edition.
- File size : 2317 KB
- Publication date : July 7, 2020
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Publisher : Harvest House Publishers (July 7, 2020)
- Print length : 187 pages
- ASIN : B083W4K1PQ
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- Page numbers source ISBN : 0736978925
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Language: : English
- Lending : Enabled
- Best Sellers Rank: #177,286 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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I have a 13 year old biological child, a 9 year old adopted child, and a 7 year old adopted child. Every one of my children has different needs, but every one of them benefits from the principles of TBRI. This is the gold-standard for parenting kids from adoption or foster care, BUT it is also an incredible tool for parenting biological children. Everyone needs nurture and structure!
I wondered how much I could learn from this book after studying TBRI for so many years (and becoming a TBRI practitioner). The thing I love most about this book is the practical application it provides. I’m also a foster parent recruiter, so if someone comes to be and wants to become a foster parent, THIS is the book I will recommend to them first. This provides the basic general overview of TBRI, the supporting research, personal stories from the author, and tools like scripts (prompts) which are easy ways to help teach things like respect, boundaries, proper behavior, negotiating needs, and so much more.
For example, if a young child misbehaves, a “redo” is offered and the child has a chance to redo the action using appropriate words or actions. So, the parent just says “hey sweetie, let’s have a ‘redo’” and the child has the chance to learn and practice the correct behavior. The power of the “Redo” is life-changing for a parent. For older children, you can offer “compromises,” where the child is involved in problem-solving and has an opportunity to negotiate their needs while showing respect. For an older child, you could say something like “let’s make a deal.” These scripts are INCREDIBLE tools to not only set standards for behavior, but to help empower children to navigate this world using respect for themselves and others.
The book is truly an easy and interesting read. It’s not bogged down with too much technical data or scientific stuff (although TBRI was built on decades of research and data). It is easy to understand for anyone stepping into foster care or adoption, or anyone working with children for that matter.
The author provides a refreshing first-hand view of what it looks like to parent children from hard places. She encourages the reader to reflect on their own attachment styles and triggers, which is incredibly eye-opening. She says near the beginning “Children from hard places often have holistic needs because many developmental processes have been interrupted by adversity in childhood- therefore require holistic interventions.” So we look at the whole child, seek to understand, and meet needs both spoken and unspoken.
If you are new to foster care or adoption- this is the book you need to read first. As soon as you’re done with this, pick up “The Connected Child” to dig deeper. TBRI has truly changed my life and the lives of my children.
For specifics, the “scripts” guidelines helped our family begin to build more connections during calm times. This book helped shed light on some sleep issues we experience and gave me practical ways to build safe and healthy ways of helping my children sleep better according to their needs. For instance, for a child who prefers small, confined spaces, they pulled out a tent and it made the child feel relaxed and cozy and he loved it. This is one practical tool I would not have thought of in my sleep deprived world. In addition to the tool belt, there were many examples of infusing nurture into daily activities and how nurturing facilitates healing.
There are practical to-do lists as well as fresh ways of infusing our family with new methods of thinking to help heal the wounds. As a parent of four grown children, I’ve had to relearn how to parent my next four. What comes natural to me or how I was previously taught to parent isn’t what helps my children grow and heal. This book is vital in reframing that parenting mindset.
The “Key Takeaways” at the end of each chapter helped summarize all the notes I was taking. The “Try It Today” followed the takeaways and helped me process exactly how the tools could be integrated into my family. Make sure you’re armed with a journal as you read!
If you’re new to the world of parenting while building connection, this book gives a wonderful explanation of trauma in children and how it effects their developing brains. It explains attachment and gives both the new reader a strong foundation and the experienced trauma informed parent a strong recap and solidifies knowledge.
Instead of just surviving, I feel like this book gives parents real tools to thrive...both for us and our kids. It make sense of many behaviors and reactions that made NO sense to us. I will be reading this again and use it as a “field manual” that I will reference over and over.