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Connecting With Your Asperger Partner: Negotiating the Maze of Intimacy Paperback – March 15, 2011
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Communication and intimacy can feel like a constant struggle in relationships where one partner has Asperger Syndrome (AS). For the neuro-typical partner (NT) in particular, this can be an endless source of frustration, misunderstandings, and tears.
Drawing on her own experience of being married to a man with AS, Louise Weston shows that the road to intimacy begins with letting go of expectations and looking after your own physical and emotional needs. She provides tried-and-tested strategies for relating to and connecting with your AS partner, as well as useful tips for coping with hurtful words and meltdowns, helping your partner to interpret emotions, and finding further sources of help and support. Above all, she shows that although your AS/NT relationship will challenge you beyond what you ever thought possible, by letting go of expectations and respecting each others' differences, this unique partnership really can be both happy and successful.
Brimming with stories and advice from other NT partners, this practical book will help NTs take positive steps towards connecting with their AS partners. It will also be a useful resource for counsellors and other professionals who wish to deepen their understanding of AS/NT relationships.
- Print length208 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherJessica Kingsley Publishers Ltd
- Publication dateMarch 15, 2011
- Dimensions6 x 0.47 x 9 inches
- ISBN-101849051305
- ISBN-13978-1849051309
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The title of this book says it all. It is extremely apt for the content of the book and it does what it says on the tin! The style is easy to follow having lists, charts, bullet points and headings together with pages of text. It gives advice on living with an Asperger partner in very practical terms, right down to how to construct a conversation that is clear and will be understood. The book recognises the difficulties of relationships that have not yet identified or had a diagnosis of Aspergers but then gives many tips, a wealth or information and support to the neuro-typical partner. It also talks about the quirkiness and associated fun and joys of an asperger partner, which I can endorse... This is a great book to give information to other family members so they can understand and use some of the techniques described. It would also be very useful for counsellors for the same reasons. There are specific chapters of interest e.g. Letting go of Expectations, Surviving Blunt and Harsh Words. However the whole book taken in context is an exemplary picture of Aspergers Syndrome, its impact on ordinary life but also the vast improvements that can be made and the enjoyment that is possible in the relationship. Author: accord
What makes it potentially more useful to neuro-typical (NT) partners is its very positive and confident message, based on both the author's own experience in an Asperger marriage, and that of others whose contributions are included, that Asperger marriages can become both functional and fulfilling... It's an extremely practical book, with a straightforward though not simplistic approach, based on four Vital Keys: 1) Learn about AS, 2) Let go of expectations, 3) Maintain your energy cup and 4) Aim for a quick recovery time (from AS meltdowns), which are all explained and expanded on, and is strong on coping strategies for the NT partner, with useful chapters too on "does a diagnosis help?", on communication strategies, and on grieving the loss of the relationship that might have been... Lastly, it's reassuring for us that as well as the value of self help reading and support groups, the author also advocates engaging in counselling, both 1:1 and couple counselling, with an appropriately knowledgeable counsellor, and so as well as being a reliable recommendation for "NT partners", it will also be an informative read for couple counsellors. Author: The Loop
A number of clinicians and professionals are called upon to address the needs of couples where one partner has Asperger Syndrome. Louise Weston's book reveals itself to be an important tool in the process of understanding and accepting the issues these couples experience. With a wealth of examples and practical suggestions, she addresses elements essential to couple harmony, satisfaction, and quality of life for partners and families alike. Her positive approach is inspiring and adapted to the reality of these couples. A must read! Author: Isabelle Hénault, author of Asperger's Syndrome and Sexuality: From Adolescence through Adulthood.
If you are in a relationship with a partner affected by Asperger syndrome (AS) and the love and devotion you both share together is strong and committed then you will find this book invaluable. Louise has used both her personal experiences and research to offer realistic and practicable advice on how the neurotypical (NT) partner can keep themselves energized, healthy, and psychologically strong, by finding alternative ways to feel emotionally supported. As Louise clearly explains if awareness and understanding of how AS will impact on the relationship can be achieved then both partners will benefit. A really useful, positive book that would benefit couples affected by AS, and also counsellors and professionals who come into contact with AS/NT couples. Author: Maxine Aston, author of The Asperger Couple's Workbook and Aspergers in Love
Louise Weston has written Connecting with Your Asperger Partner as a relationship manual to enable both partners to understand each other's expectations and perspective, and provide advice on how to connect successfully from conversation to intimacy. The style is clear and engaging, the strategies realistic and practical and the overall theme positive and optimistic. I know that couples will have many 'eureka' moments in terms of explanations of thoughts and experiences, and that many relationships will be repaired and enhanced by incorporating her advice. Author: From the Foreword by Tony Attwood
With her gentle warmth and never-ending optimism, Louise Weston guides you through the maze of intimacy and helps you develop the skills needed to connect with your Asperger partner. This book provides useful and rare insights into the Aspie mind, and enthusiastically encourages NTs to look after and find themselves again. Author: anonymous NT, married to an Aspie for 30 years
Couples in which one partner has Asperger's Syndrome while the other does not face unique challenges. There have been few resources available to help them as conventional approaches to couples therapy are not effective. Louise Weston has written a frank and practical guide for women who are determined to make these relationships work. The first person accounts which are generously interspersed provide validation of the difficulties inherent in bridging the gaps between partners. Ms. Weston understands the need for taking care of oneself while investing in improving the relationship. She offers recommendations and encouragement which will be appreciated by those engaged in this demanding process. Author: Harriet F. Simons, Ph.D, LICSW; Adjunct Associate Professor at Smith College School for Social Work; Therapist in private practice in Boston, MA, specializing in Asperger's relationships
An invaluable resource for partners of people with Asperger's Syndrome, Connecting With Your Asperger Partner is a thoughtful, hands-on, practical guide for the partner who's not sure what to do next. Weston offers sound advice in a loving, knowledgeable tone that will give any reader the confidence to repair relationships and grow together in a healthy way. Author: ForeWord Reviews
Summarizes useful emotional and behavioral strategies and includes further readings and resource suggestions for partners, family members, coworkers, and counselors of individuals with AS. Author: Library Journal
Connecting with your Asperger Partner: Negotiating the Maze of Intimacy uses the author's own experiences of being married to a man with AS to show that the road to intimacy begins with letting go of expectations and looking after one's personal needs first. Strategies for connecting with an AS partner come second - and are explored here in an excellent survey highly recommended. Author: The Midwest Book Review
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Product details
- Publisher : Jessica Kingsley Publishers Ltd (March 15, 2011)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 208 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1849051305
- ISBN-13 : 978-1849051309
- Item Weight : 12 ounces
- Dimensions : 6 x 0.47 x 9 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #1,400,724 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #487 in Medical Psychology Reference
- #1,196 in Autism Spectrum Disorder
- #6,414 in Marriage
- Customer Reviews:
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"Staying one step ahead of my Asperger husband" was a something that I was attempting, but did not understand the concept until I read it in this book, allowing me to be consciously aware of my efforts. Frustrations with organizing our life, especially the move was softened by her explanation that I am the "executive director" in this marriage.
" Walking away from arguments" is something I should have done for fourty years instead of getting exhausted and sick. Now I try to keep my "energy cup" half full and shorten recovery time from conflict. My interpretation of "having no expectations so as not to have disappointments" is people with Asperget syndrome can never dramatically change so do not expect different results only to be continually frustrated. In no way does Louise Weston suggest to accept abuse or lack of boundaries.
I recommend this book to anyone involved in an Asperger relationship that wants to improve their situation. It is a handbook to reread and refer to as needed.
I really came away from this book with an enormous amount of anger and hopelessness. I bought it with the intention of trying to figure out how to foster a sense of togetherness and companionship that is missing in our relationship, and she basically says not to bother, that the NT partner has to emotionally distance themselves from the relationship. I'm not sure how to be in love with someone and still distance yourself..? Isn't the point of a relationship to connect to someone on a deep level? If I were willing to hold him at arms length, I wouldn't bother getting a book advertising itself as a how-to book on connecting. The relationship she's describing is not a partnership- it's caretaking. She's basically his nurse, not his partner.
I don't know about you, but I'm not OK with being in a relationship that is so one-sided that one person is doing everything while the other sits on the sidelines. And my relationship with my husband isn't like that, or I wouldn't still be with him, and I certainly wouldn't have had children with him.
Despite its general unhelpfulness, there were flashes of insight that did really spark some insight or ideas. But I wouldn't recommend this book unless you are willing to sacrifice your whole life to keep a one-sided relationship afloat.
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It does seem unfair that all of the compromise lies in the hands of the NT while the aspie gets away with atrocious behaviour (by anyone's standards other than their own) scot free. However, you have to judge whether you think it is worth it for the moments of shared intimacy and humour. I have developed a tool, whereby the harsh words are caught in a version of a child's duckie bib, and allowed to flow over me 'like water off a ducks back'.
You also have to remember that they are not choosing to behave badly to spite you, rather that for them, there is no other way.
I have also lent the book to a friend who says that it changed/saved her life.
So now I think this book was written FOR me rather than about me and that with practice I can help things to become more harmonious in our relationship - though it is still not easy, ever!








