- File Size: 2518 KB
- Print Length: 60 pages
- Simultaneous Device Usage: Unlimited
- Publisher: Forest City Pulp (March 10, 2015)
- Publication Date: March 10, 2015
- Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
- Language: English
- ASIN: B00UJ01WBW
- Text-to-Speech: Enabled
- Word Wise: Enabled
- Lending: Enabled
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #344,170 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
Conquered by Clippy: An Erotic Short Story (Digital Desires Book 2) Kindle Edition
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The first time I clicked the "Try it free" option and had it download to my Fire Phone (yes, I have one, and I love it, so stop judging me because you are also a 'clip porner like myself, pot)... anyway, after I did that and clicked on it, it... did nothing. There was the little thumbnail, there was the tiny "x" indicating it was downloading, then it showed the full cover icon, then I clicked on it, then... nothing.
"Just like Clippy!" I thought. Such a tease, Clippy would never provide any real help the first time. I don't know how the author worked this out with Amazon, but it's brilliant.
Anyway, because I've used (or is it "been used by"?) Clippy before, I tried it again. Clippy makes you work for it. He always did. On the second attempt, a small bit of his content did, in fact, enter my Fire. I touched it, and there was the full cover screen in all its glory. Well, at least as much glory as my 4.7" screen could muster. You folks with bigger screens will probably get more enjoyment out of it, which is typical, but, for the record, I've never been told that my screen is too big or too small. Just sayin'. Anyway... there was Clippy in all of his magnificence, partially obscured by some woman in underwear. Kinda Clip-Blocking, if you know what I mean, just standing there between me and Clippy.
Next, I went to look what else was in the sample. At this point, my level of anticipation was about as high as if I were clicking a link to a story about 13 never-before-seen episodes of Firefly (the show, not the Amazon app). Would I see Clippy, even bigger? Would I read of his desires and methods?
The first page was legal mumbo jumbo. It was like the instructions on a box of condoms or the stuff you sign before buying a house: ignored.
The next page was about the author. I mean, sure, it's pretty cool seeing the guy Clippy entrusted with his story. Maybe - probably - Clippy shared a bit more than just a story with this guy, if you know what I mean. Well, of course you know what I mean. Well, in case you don't, I mean that Clippy made his sexy little knock-knock-knock sound (trust me, that knock knock is no joke), said "It looks like you're in need of a deep penetrating Clippy conquest...and even if you're not, I don't care, because you're about to get Clipped," and then proceeded to, you know, conquer him.
But I digress. I felt a pang of jealousy, but then scrolled to the next, and final, sample page.
Here is what it said, in its entirety: "*".
Yes, an asterisk. I think it was Clippy saying "here is my tiny steel butt; toss my metallic salad, you loser who won't fork over three bucks to read more."
Or maybe it was a kiss. A kiss from Clippy. The kiss of conquest.
Or maybe it was, in programming parlance, a wildcard. A character meaning "anything you desire from Clippy... just use your own imagination." Well, OK, that's not the technical definition of a wildcard character, but it's what it would mean in this context.
But I suspect it was actually the author, saying "you ain't gonna get the 'Clip unless you fork over three bucks to help me recover. I'm all... bent out of shape."
So... to summarize: I thought something was free and helpful. The first time I tried it, it did nothing. The second time, it didn't help me at all and asked for more money.
That's *so* Clippy. I need some private time now, but I might come back and do what he says.
Interesting fact: if you analyze that cover art, you'll see that Clippy is composed of various hues, all grey. And you know how many? Sure you do: 50.
Then one day, someone sent me the link to this book. I purchased it with skepticism, but by the end of my reading, I felt like I had been baptised in the sweet nectar of Clippy's love. I mean this exactly as it sounds.
Clippy taught me to laugh again, to love again. To trust again. I saw myself in the female protagonist with every sensual prod of Clippy's metal nubbin. But it wasn't just about the sex, oh no. It was about the intimate, sacred bond that can literally heal any wounded soul. A sacred bond of man and metal.
I cannot recommend this book highly enough.
There is a sex scene. It is about as fun to read as this review. Sorry to say.
It is a real bummer. The idea of the erotic adventures of Clippy had some promise.
Most recent customer reviews
Lay me p*ssy, wet and weary.
My great grand-sister told me to read "Conquered by Clippy"
I yelled back at her "I ain't no...Read more