Top positive review
5.0 out of 5 starsThis book set my life straight. Sorta.
Reviewed in the United States on December 5, 2013
This book changed my life. After finishing, I spent a long time with my wife of four years, and we discussed our financial situation. The truth is, no matter how much we loved each other, no matter how perfect we were together, we could not afford to bring a child into this world, and we learned through this book that this was not God's plan.
We carefully weighed our options. The first we discussed was forcible sterilization. This was something we had to think about for a while, because by the same logic, if we intentionally sterilized ourselves, it could either be one very big sin or an infinite volume of small sins, depending on whether God's sin-counter is digital or analog respectively.
For the next few weeks we began to configure our home in such a way that would ultimately lead to accidental castration. Unfortunately, this ended not with joy, but with hideous defeat, as a bread knife intended to snag my low-hanging testicles accidentally caught the missus on the inside of her left thigh, severing her femoral artery.
We were able to think quickly enough, using my belt and several pages from this blessed book to staunch the blood flow. Unfortunately, she ended up losing the leg.
We realized the folly of our ways when the stump of her newly amputated leg awakened in me a long dormant acrotomophilia. It became apparent that it was not God's plan for me to remain with this woman, this beautiful woman, no matter how badly I wanted to care for her for the rest of her life regardless of what happened. Such a devotion was clearly sinful. So we decided it was best for us to part ways.
We kissed one last time before filing the divorce papers, relegating us to a state where we could no longer have sex together no matter how badly we wanted it.
Over breakfast one morning, my new ex-wife suggested something to me.
She said that a strange feeling came to her in a dream the night before, where a beautiful, angelic woman visited her and began to disrobe. We realized with delight that my beautiful ex-wife was actually a lesbian, and that she would never have to use birth control again.
That left me alone, delighted for the once love of my life, but wishing I could find a way to move on as quickly as she had.
But now, having faithfully removed myself from the cardinal sin of a respectful, faithful relationship with a woman, I was finally shown the light. His name is Lance.
Thank you, Eliyzabeth Yanne Strong-Anderson, you helped set my life straight. Or... Well, gay. But you understand.