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Created To Be His Help Meet 10th Anniversary Edition- Revised, and Expanded Paperback – October 27, 2014
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Created showed me the changes I needed to make in my life that ultimately led my husband to Christ. Created is simply the best book I've read in conjunction with the Bible on being a Godly wife. Candace Cameron Bure, Actress & Speaker, Growing in God Ministries --Candace Cameron Bure
The book you hold in your hands is the very best source to teach you how to make your marriage great. Shoshanna Easling, International known herbalist and author of Making Babies and Making Vegetables --Shoshanna Easling
This book has truly been a miracle for my marriage. Erin Harrison, Author of Living Virtuously and Keeper of the Homestead blog. --Erin Harrison
About the Author
Debi Pearl was raised in Memphis, Tennessee, in a good home, by parents who were faithful to point her to God. As a teenager Debi was actively involved in witnessing, ministering to the sick and wounded veterans, and serving in hospitals in Memphis. About twenty four years ago, Debi and her husband Mike moved to rural Tennessee where they continued in the work by holding Bible studies in local homes, which eventually led to regular meetings of the local body of believers, and the starting of a prison ministry where Mike ministered every Saturday for over twenty three years. God eventually led Mike and Debi into the ministry of writing on child training and family relationships, which they now feel is their life s work and calling. The result of this work led to the formation of No Greater Joy Ministries (NGJ), a 501 (c) (3). The largest project that NGJ has ever been involved in is the Good and Evil Project, a work to translate the Illustrated Bible Storybook Good and Evil (G & E) into 100 languages. G & E has over 42 languages in print, and another 42 languages in the process of being translated or edited. To date over 1,000,000 of her books have been sold in several languages. Her first book in the Help Meet series, Created To Be His Help Meet has sold over 370,000 copies in several languages. In addition to the child training ministry, the work of the prison ministry, missions, and Bible studies, the Pearls have an active family life. They have been married over 40 years; have 5 children, and 22 grandchildren with more on the way.
Top customer reviews
Debi Pearl writes, “Never demand a man love and cherish you because he ought to.” (p. 31)
“Your husband will be selfish, he will be unkind….not respect your rights…foolish….cruel….actually walk in sin……” (p. 55)
“In most marriages the strife is not because the man is cruel or evil; it is because he expects obedience, honor and reverence and is not getting it. Thus he reacts badly.” (p. 79)
“If some worthless men had wives who were more ______, you fill in the blank, they would not be so worthless.” (p. 278)
The further you read in this book the more you find real hatred for women. Debi is so focused on blaming women that she will contradict herself in the process. Then she turns around and tries to portray God as an abusive father!
“There are basically three types of men. The different types are just as marked in one year olds as they are in adult men. It seems that God made each male to express one side of his triad nature.” (p. 75)
Wait a minute. There’s only ONE man who reflects God—Jesus Christ. (Hebrews 1:3)
But Debi claims that these three types reflect God’s nature: Mr. Command man, Mr. Visionary and Mr. Steady.
Mr. Command is actually the type of abuser that Lundy Bancroft describes as the Drill Sergeant. Listen closely to Debi’s words.
“Command men…..are known for expecting their wives to wait on them hand and foot.....She is on call every minute of her day. Her man wants to know where she is, what she is doing and why she is doing it. He corrects her without thought. For better or for worse it is his nature to control…… A woman married to a Command Man wears a heavier yoke than most women but it can be a very rewarding yoke….her walk….is easier because there is never any possibility of her being in control…. Command men have less tolerance so they will often walk off and leave their clamoring wife before she has a chance to realize that she is even close to losing her marriage… The Command man feels it is his duty and responsibility to lead people and he does whether…they want him to or not.” (p. 77-78)
That’s supposed to reflect God’s nature? This is so far from the heart of God. Jesus stands at the door and knocks. He doesn’t kick the door down. Plus, Jesus NEVER leaves us.
Now would Mr. Command ever allow another man to walk in and take control of his life? Of course not. That’s the double standard. He feels entitled to usurping authority over whole groups of people but would never allow another man to control him. Yet the irony is that Mr. Command is NOT controlling the only thing that God actually commands him to control—himself! SELF-CONTROL is God’s will for our lives not letting Mr. Command do whatever he pleases, trampling on everyone else’s boundaries.
Then there’s the other two types. Debi describes Mr. Steady as a loyal husband who works hard and takes care of his family. On the other hand, Mr. Visionary is lazy, refuses to work, and hops around the country, chasing empty frivolous things. Exactly what the Bible warned us NOT to do. (Prov 12:11)
Debi describes him as so irresponsible that “if our husbands are visionaries they will yell and make our life miserable until we run back to mama and end up sleeping in a cold bed and living on food stamps.” (p. 97)
“They are often the church splitters….they can be real jerks who push their agendas, forcing others to go their way.” (p. 80-81)
Why is Debi totally fine with allowing this guy to disobey God’s command “to settle down” and work to earn his own living? (2Thess 3:12) Meanwhile, Debi won’t allow the wife to work outside the home so this guy is allowed to destroy the family’s finances, while the wife is supposed to watch helplessly! And then Debi shifts the burden of responsibility to God, saying that God will clean up all the messes that this guy is creating. The irony is that while God will hold this guy accountable for his sin, Debi won’t.
This whole book revolves around the sin of showing partiality (James 2:9) by consistently making excuses for the willful sin of one spouse while blaming the other spouse for everything. Look at page 207, where she totally blames Bathsheba for David’s sins but never holds David himself accountable!
She says that Bathsheba’s “lack of discretion cost her husband his life.” (p. 207)
No! David murdered her husband. Then God sent the prophet Nathan to confront David not her. Even when David repented, he took full responsibility for his sins without ever blaming her.
Throughout this book, Debi Pearl twists Scripture to fit her opinion then rejects actual verses that she doesn’t like. For example, she slams women for working outside the home but won’t accept how God raised up Deborah to judge the entire nation of Israel. And she ignores where the Apostle Paul actually commends women for laboring with him in Phillippians 4:3 (also see Romans 16:1-2).
Meanwhile, Debi keeps disregarding God’s commands to keep her tradition.
She writes, “Women are simply deceived.” (p. 111)
The Bible says that women “have the mind of Christ.” (1Cor 2:16) All the “treasures of wisdom” are in Christ who dwells in us. (Colossians 2:3 & 1:27)
Debi: “It is NOT God’s will for your husband to reverence you.” (p. 137)
God commands husband to reverence their wives in 1Peter 3:7 and warns that their prayers will be hindered if they don’t!
Debi: “You were created to make (your husband) complete, not to seek personal fulfillment parallel to him.” (p. 21)
God says, “The desire of the righteous is granted.” (Proverbs 10:24) “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalms 37:4)
Debi: “Dominance and control are always masculine characteristics.” (p. 115)
No! God commands women “to be self-controlled.” Titus 2:5(NET)
Debi: “A woman’s calling is not easy. To allow someone else to control your life is much harder than taking control of it yourself.” (p. 50)
Nope! Since there’s no law of God against self-control (Galatians 5:23), Debi doesn’t get to make up rules that take away our ability to make our own personal choices. You can’t function in self-control if someone else is making all your decisions.
Jesus commanded us not to allow anyone to take away our ability to say “yes” and “no,” warning us that “anything else comes from the devil.” Matthew 5:37(CEV).
Yet page after page of this book tries to eliminate people’s ability to say “no” in their own lives. And this book doesn’t even try to hide the vileness of teaching people to submit to abuse.
Listen to what Debi’s husband, Michael Pearl, writes,
“Wives…are not prone to be balanced or wise."
"A husband has authority to tell his wife what to wear, where to go, whom to talk to, how to spend her time, when to speak and when not to, even if he is unreasonable and insensitive.” (p. 260-261)
That violates God’s command in 1Cor 7:23b(NET) “Do NOT become slaves of men.”
Yet Michael actually likens wives to slaves when he writes,
“Many women disobey their husbands on grounds that they are obeying God instead.” (p. 259)
“The wife is to obey her husband in all things.” (p. 261)
“The servant is not given the option of deciding that the master is not acting within the will of God and therefore should not be obeyed. It is acceptable with God—God’s will—for the underling to suffer wrongfully and take it patiently. You will surely wonder, “Why is it the will of God for the underling to suffer at the hands of an unjust and perverse authority?””
“Two reasons are obvious….First the chain of authority must remain intact, even to the point of allowing some abuse. The other reason is….lady, you were created to give glory to God. When God puts you in subjection to a man whom he knows is going to cause you to suffer, it is with the understanding that you are obeying God by enduring the wrongful suffering. And when you suffer wrongfully, as unto the Lord, you bring great glory to God.” (p. 262-263)
Did God tell the Israelites to submit harder to Pharaoh’s abuse because the chain of authority can’t be broken?
NO! Here’s what God actually told Moses,
“I have seen the troubles my people have suffered in Egypt, and I have heard their cries when the Egyptians hurt them. I know about their pain. Now I will go down and save my people from the Egyptians. I will take them from that land and lead them to a good land where they can be free from these troubles. It is a land filled with many good things.” Exodus 3:7-8a (ERV)
That’s the heart of God which this book totally misses. Jesus said it best, “Get behind me, Satan: for it is written, You shall worship the Lord thy God, and HIM ONLY shall you serve.” (Luke 4:8)
Yet this book keeps trying to usurp God’s authority.
“When you obey your husband you obey God.” (p. 22)
“Like Eve we imagine that we can disobey……God’s Word and our husband’s word.”
Right there Debi just tried to seat man on God’s throne—the devil tried that and got kicked out of Heaven. This is pure idolatry—trying to put man’s words in God’s mouth which Jesus warned us about in Matthew 15:9.
The Bible distinguishes between obeying God and obeying man. (Acts 5:29) Look at Romans 13, which tells us to submit to civil authority because “the person who resists such authority resists the ordinance of God.” Romans 16:2 (NET)
Resists the “ordinance” NOT God Himself because civil authority is not the same thing as God Himself. Remember when King Herod tried to stand in the place of God, he was immediately struck down. (Acts 12:22-23)
Debi Pearl is actually teaching the same twisted theology from the 1970’s Shepherding Movement that caused tremendous damage.
The founder of the Shepherding Movement, Derek Prince wrote,
“Christ doesn’t rule in every area directly, in His own Person. He rules through delegated authority."
"Whenever God’s delegated authority touches our lives he requires us to acknowledge and submit to it just as we would to him in person….. Our attitude towards those whom God sets in delegated authority over us is….our attitude towards God.”
(Discipleship, Shepherding, Commitment, p. 19-20)
Same thing that Debi Pearl teaches,
“The degree to which you reverence your husband is the degree to which you reverence your Creator.” (p. 22)
Michael Pearl even uses the same terms from Shepherding, saying
“In those areas where God has delegated someone to be in authority he has relinquished a certain amount of control to that authority—for better or for worse. God doesn’t micromanage all spheres of authority. He allows certain latitude for the authority to be wrong and still retain the office.” (p. 259)
When Saul became abusive, did God tell David to stay at the palace and pray for Saul to change? No! God repented of making Saul king and revoked his authority.
Meanwhile, this book continues teaching Shepherding theology. Michael Pearl writes, “The authority God gave to your husband is his alone and God will not interfere and take back to himself that power even if your husband abuses his powers…” (p. 260)
“As a divorcee, she maintains the image of the persecuted and abused victim but in many cases it was her standards that created the rift that led to divorce.” (p. 261)
Same thing taught by another founder of Shepherding, Bob Mumford:
“Your higher power may not be doing it right according to your standards…..but there’s not a thing you can do about it but submit.”
(Problem of Doing Your Own Thing p. 67)
“Too often we want our ministry directly from God. We want personal attention. We aren’t about to receive what we need through some delegated representative.” (Problem p. 73)
“I know of a church where the members took the stand that our pastor is right, even when he is wrong.” (Problem p. 85)
The error of Shepherding theology was:
1) Disregarding 1Timothy 2:5 by trying to put a mediator between you and God
2) Teaching idolatry by seating man on God’s throne
3) Disobeying Jesus by taking away the ability of people to say “yes” and “no”
Sound familiar? That’s this whole book in a nutshell.
Now to better understand how this book tries to destroy personal boundaries let’s review what boundaries actually are. In the book, Boundaries In Marriage, Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend write,
“Couples have a duty to set limits on each spouse’s destructive acts or attitudes. For example, if a husband has a gambling problem, his wife needs to set appropriate limits, such as canceling his credit cards, separating their joint accounts….to force him to take responsibility for his problem.” (p. 43)
“Another problem may occur when a wife stands up for the right thing, and her husband tells her she is not being submissive. She may confront her husband’s attitudes or addiction or lying or some other ungodly behavior and then she is called “unsubmissive.” (p. 245)
“What submission doesn’t mean is that a husband just tells a wife what to do……The idea of submission is never meant to allow someone to overstep another’s boundaries. Submission only has meaning in the context of boundaries for boundaries promote self-control and freedom. If a wife is not free and in control of herself she is not submitting anyway. She is a slave subject to a slave driver and she is out of the will of God. If a wife is being put under some law that says she is “bad” if she doesn’t submit to her husband’s cruelty and problems then she is not free at all. Likewise, if she is not free to say no without being deemed “bad,” then she is not free at all. A free person is the only one who can submit.”
While I think the overall message of the book (wives are to submit to their husbands) is good, I feel like the author (Debi Pearl) is very negative, judgmental, and condescending.
It isn't the principles in this book that upset me, it is the delivery of the information that I don't really care for (I HATE how often I end sentences in prepositions, but it always sounds funny when I fix it!).
She refers to women that don't do what she thinks they should do as stupid and silly ALL the time. She also refers to men in similar manners.
"You have heard that it was said to those of old, `You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.' But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, `You fool!' will be liable to the hell of fire. Matthew 5:21-22 (No idea if this is in context or not...)
In relating true stories she describes the women as fat, ugly and dirty. Can you imagine how upset you would be if you picked up a book looking for Biblical guidance and found yourself being negatively described?
She is very, VERY negative about women that work, and the thought of day care, or even baby-sitters. It kind of hurts my feelings as a care provider that she talks about how 1 in 4 little girls and 1 in 5 little boys are molested as children in the same section as not having baby-sitters. She also talks about sowing bad seeds in children during daycare. I guess its a little fair, I mean those would be my concerns in sending my kids to childcare, but I love the kids I baby-sit and care for and instruct them like they were my own (or at least I assume like they were my own, I don't know for sure since I don't have my own...), we are not all evil, horrible people. On the same topic she says that if your husband molests your kids, you should get him thrown in jail, take the kids to see him a few times a year, and when he comes back welcome him with open arms. I am 99% against divorce, but that is the one instance that I wouldn't hesitate to separate myself completely from my husband.
I believe that women were created to submit and serve their husbands, but the advice she gives would be very detrimental to a woman if her husband died, or left her. She basically advises that you don't have close female friendships (because I guess they lead to lesbian relationships? I mean that is what she implied...) and live your entire life serving your husband. This woman would be completely isolated if something happened, and have no support in her time of need.
She seems to think that anything bad that happens in a marriage is the wife's fault, which seems a little unfair to me.
From what I can tell, most of what she is saying is Biblically accurate, with a few questionable parts (her explanation for head covering for example made almost no sense to me), but I am not a Bible scholar by any means and have read other reviews that say she takes verses out of context. She just apparently has never heard the saying "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar". No one is going to have an open mind to someone that is calling them stupid, selfish, ungodly and basically a complete failure.
I was 100% sure that I would LOVE this book. I really like To Train Up A Child by Michael and Debi Pearl, so I figured this book, about being a great wife, would be even better. I don't expect to like everything that a book says, and I tend to take what I like and agree with from a book, and leave the rest. For instance, To Train Up A Child is a great resource BUT you have to make sure that you are taking your child's health, welfare and abilities into consideration more than they advise, or you run the risk of abusing your children, which no one wants to do. This book is just not very pleasant to read, and although most of the advice seems to be sound, she is so abrasive in her delivery, you want to dismiss it entirely.
On the upside, it has inspired me to make a little more effort to be a good wife in the last few days as I was reading it.
I would give this 2 out of 5 stars. Its not a great book, but it has some good advice in it if you can get around her negativity.