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Armageddon is here! The Dark One finally strikes!
on February 13, 2004
For those readers anxiously waiting for the Dark One to lash out with the first fell stroke of the Last Battle, you'll find it here in the Crossroads of Twilight. No, the vast armies of Trollocs and their Eyeless taskmasters don't boil forth from the Blight to overrun the heart of Randland, leaving only carnage and destruction in their wake; instead, in a dazzling and completely unforeseen plot twist, Shai'tan unleashes his legions of weevils against our unsuspecting heroes, and no one's grain is safe. I'm getting chills now just thinking about the brilliance of the move. Just think: weevils in the grain require winnowing, and winnowing cuts down on the profit margins of merchants, and lower profit margins means bankruptcy. I absolutely cannot wait for book 11, where we will surely see the entire economy collapse, and then it's just a small matter to bring this incredible series to a close. The Dark One will be revealed as an evil loan shark, and he'll break free from the Central Bank of Shayol Ghul and repossess every palace, dress-shop, and circus on the continent. I just hope Cadsuane can teach Rand some creative re-financing options before the situation becomes hopeless.
Some other notable developments:
The quality of tea has really taken a nosedive since the early books in the series, and it's starting to negatively impact the morale of our heroes. After all, what's the upside of fighting off pure evil if you can't even get a decent cup of tea when you're pregnant and temperamental?
The Dark One inappropriately touches one of his minions. I'm expecting a sexual harassment lawsuit in the next volume.
Hundreds of dresses are described in such intricate detail that I was able to sew exact replicas. I'm wearing one right now, in fact. For hundreds of other patterns, you can shop at wheeloftimewardrobe.com.
We are introduced to the riveting social intricacies of the gai'shain laundering subculture.
Perrin gets bored with his own plotline and breaks out of character for a minute before returning to form.
Woolheads battle ninnies and hilarity ensues. Braid tugging is on the wane. Someone sniffs.