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The Curse of Lovely: How to Break Free from the Demands of Others and Learn How to Say No Paperback – October 1, 2013
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A fresh twist on assertiveness to help those who feel trapped, suffocated, and oppressed by the weight of others' expectations to break free and live life on their own terms
Many people's lives, relationships, careers, and well-being are marred by the belief that to be liked, loved, and accepted, they have to limit themselves to the behaviors they believe are approved of by others. This might mean always being polite, nice, helpful, charming, fun, making people feel good about themselves, not letting people down, never saying "no," avoiding conflict, or putting others' needs before their own. In her 15 years of clinical experience as a psychologist the author has coined the phrase "the curse of lovely" to describe this growing trend. Many people would like to be known as lovely, but for a growing number of people it can feel like a curse. This highly practical and motivational book shows readers how to break the curse of lovely to live a more complete, fulfilling life. It helps readers identify when "lovely" turns into a curse; examines the lovely child and how it all begins; and discusses the different types of "lovely." It then discusses how to move from curse to gift, remaining lovable yet getting our needs met; details how to tune in to what your body is telling you; teaches the reader to re-evaluate anger; and explores how to say "no" and survive, how to instigate scary conversations, and how to replace the personal rules that put you at the bottom of the pile.
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People-pleasers - read this book and you will emerge from your chrysalis of falsehood! The first real guide to setting people-pleasers free - innovative, practical, a guide to replacing niceness with authenticity―Oliver James, clinical psychologist and author of bestselling books including Love Bombing: Reset Yo
Through The Curse of Lovely, Jacqui Marson takes you on a journey - a journey of gentle, compassionate self-discovery. It answers the what, the how and the why in an utterly charming and non-judgemental way. It then subtly guides you into understanding and learning how to change the aspects of yourself that cause you the most misery. The progressive use of case studies and real-life experiences make this book incredibly readable and accessible. The humorous and almost self-deprecating Jacqui shows you how to understand yourself and your behaviour without the critical "inner voice". Like a true, good therapist Jacqui guides you towards change until you get to the point of cathartic liberation from your "curse". I loved reading this book not only because I recognised so many truths in Jacqui's observations, but because, as a fellow psychologist, I know intuitively that this book will help people reframe their curse as a gift they can finally control and be proud of.Buy this book if you suspect you have the curse; also buy it for anyone in your life you think has the curse of lovely - it will genuinely be a gift that keeps giving―Pia Sinha, Chartered Psychologist and Deputy Governor, HM Prison Service
The Curse of Lovely is an empowering and enlightening guide to positive change for people who struggle to stand up for themselves. Read it and be cursed no more by the weight of other people's expectations! Step into your true self with Jacqui Marson as your warm and wise companion - she offers creative and practical help to ensure you thrive in your own right―Val Sampson, coach and couples counsellor, author of Tantra: The Art of Mind-blowing Sex and co-auth
Insightful―Judith Woods, Telegraph
Marson offers coping strategies, delivered in a cosy, confiding tone, that makes even the most problematic of scenarios seem solvable―Marie Claire
This is a light-hearted look at asserting yourself, saying no and breaking free from others' demands. Go on, dare to be a disappointment―Stylist
No wishy-washy advice, just loads of helpful tips on how to be assertive and friendly―Shop Til You Drop
An essential read―Health and Fitness
Excellent.―Robert Webb, The Guardian
From the Back Cover
Are you just too nice to say no?
Do you consistently put the needs of others above your own? Do you avoid conflict or feel anxious about letting people down? If you are worn out by always saying yes then you are probably suffering from what psychologist Jacqui Marson calls 'the curse of lovely'.
To be known as lovely may be appealing but it can also be a curse. Your relationships, health, happiness and career can all be blighted by the belief - conscious or unconscious - that to be liked, loved and appreciated you must have the approval of others. And that usually means you are last on your own priority list!
This highly practical and motivating book shows you how to stop denying your own needs and start being lovely to yourself.
* When lovely turns into a curse
* The lovely child - how it all begins
* How to uncover your true feelings and needs
* How to get your needs met and still be loveable
* The art of saying the gracious 'no'
* How to move on from the personal rules that put you at the bottom of the pile
If you feel trapped by the expectations of others this book suggests ways that you can, gently, set yourself free from the curse of lovely and live a more complete, fulfilling life.
- Publisher : Piatkus Books; Digital original edition (October 1, 2013)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 240 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0749957220
- ISBN-13 : 978-0749957223
- Item Weight : 8.5 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.5 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #2,073,309 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
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Top reviews from the United States
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Highly recommend for anyone who suffers in being too kind and too easy to trust others.
Dr Phil Robert co-author of Say Goodbye to Panic Attacks, Manage Your Anger & Manage Your Anxiety & Stress all available on Amazon
I can truly recommend it to anyone being crushed by the fears and weight of trying to meet the expectations of those around them. It is never too late to learn.
Top reviews from other countries
If you're reading this, you need this book in your life.