November 6, 2005
You can add this ridiculous "Zapruder Film Hoax" theory to the already mile-high stack of literature containing unsupportable conspiracy angles in the JFK case. The conspiracy theorists never seem to run out of them, and this one regarding a "faked" Zapruder Film is one of the most outlandish and foolish, IMO.
I cannot help but laugh when I read the blurb that occupies space on the back cover of this book --- "These findings demonstrate beyond reasonable doubt that the Zapruder movie is, not merely touched up and altered, but wholly fabricated". .... "Beyond reasonable doubt"? (Hardly.) And "Wholly fabricated"? It sounds as if Mr. Fetzer doesn't even want to believe that Mr. Zapruder was filming a home movie AT ALL on 11-22-63 in Dealey Plaza. "Wholly fabricated"? A very curious and illogical notion to say the least, IMO.
Also: If the Z-Film has been (somehow) "fabricated" from whole cloth (or altered in any major fashion), as this volume suggests, I'm wondering why on Earth the conspirators faking the film KEPT IN the JFK "rear head snap" following the fatal shot to the President's head? Why wouldn't these "plotters" want to "reverse" these frames to make it appear that Kennedy was unequivocally shot from the rear (where "Patsy" Lee Harvey Oswald was located)? But in ALL versions of the Zapruder Film that exist, the violent to-the-rear head snap still exists. Go figure.
Plus: What about ALL the other films taken on 11/22? Did the plotters phony-up the Nix, Bronson, and Muchmore films too (so that they'd "match" the fakery of their "new" Zapruder Film)? Quite obviously, this is not very likely (even in the "everything-seems-to-be-faked" CT world of never-ending conspiracies).
The whole idea put forth in this waste of 480 pages is pure nonsense and purely "CT" fodder to begin with. It's simply unbelievable and not even worthy of serious discussion (IMHO).
When will these crazy JFK assassination conspiracy theories end? I heard a new one just recently that proposes the idea that Secret Service Agent Roy Kellerman (who was seated in the front seat of the Presidential limousine during the Dallas motorcade on 11-22-63, sitting next to driver Bill Greer) actually fired the fatal head shot into John Kennedy's brain with a small pistol that he miraculously fired WHILE FACING IN THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE DIRECTION FROM JFK! Kellerman wasn't even LOOKING at the President at the time the fatal head shot was fired -- but does that little detail stop a crazy theory like this one from being thrown out on the front stoop, in hopes that some uninformed cat will come by and lap it up? No, it doesn't. And it's just flat-out ridiculous.
I've compiled a list of some of the many conspiracy theories that have existed at one time or another since JFK's tragic assassination on November 22, 1963. I'm sure there are even more than my list here reflects, but it illustrates how utterly desperate (it would appear) that some CTers are/were to have some conspiratorial shenanigans taking place in Dealey Plaza during the murder of JFK. (A person has to begin to wonder how there was even room enough for all these gunmen in the Plaza? They must have been fighting for available shooting locations, given the vast number of gunmen purported to be on the scene that afternoon. I'm surprised there aren't some theories that have the assassins shooting EACH OTHER, instead of hitting their desired target of the President.)
101 JFK Conspiracy Theories (give or take a few)................
1.) "The Great Zapruder Film Hoax".
2.) "Badge Man". .... "BM", per many theorists, fired the fatal shot into JFK's head from behind a fence on the infamous Grassy Knoll. The major problem I have with this Gary Mack-created theory is that it is derived from large blow-ups of an already very poor-quality still Polaroid photograph (the Moorman photo). Blowing up the teeny-weeny area behind the fence to huge proportions and STILL thinking you'd be able to make out subtle details like a "badge" on a cop's uniform, or the "arm band" on this police officer, or a "muzzle flash" as the rifle fires, is (IMO) way too much "wishful thinking" on the part of conspiracy theorists. *
* = Plus: I'd also ask: What are the ODDS that Miss Moorman could have POSSIBLY actually photographed the EXACT moment of the rifle being fired so that the "muzzle flash" would still be visible in her picture? I'd wager the odds are off the charts in favor of "improbable". Maybe not "impossible", true, but man oh man, it sure would have been amazing to have been able to capture that one tiny moment in time on a STILL photographic image.
3.) Limo driver Bill Greer fired the head shot. .... Bill was evidently pulling double-duty that day -- he had to navigate the heavy Lincoln limousine while at the same time being depended upon to fire the fatal bullet into JFK's skull. (Big ol' LOL on this one.)
4.) "The Umbrella Man" ("TUM"). .... The man who was holding the open umbrella along Elm Street (and who can be seen in various pictures and films) supposedly fired a "poisoned dart" into the neck of President Kennedy, apparently (per this theory) to paralyze or incapacitate JFK so that the "kill shot" could be made by another shooter with more ease. Anybody buyin' this nonsense? My first question re. this silly one -- WHY on Earth would any plotters want to fire a PRE-KILL shot into JFK (thereby warning the Secret Service and/or the victim what was happening prior to the "big one")? Completely illogical. Why not just fire the head shot FIRST and be done with it?
4B.) "The Umbrella Man" (Version #2). .... A second "Umbrella Man" theory has "TUM" being a "Signal Man" (instead of using the umbrella itself as an actual weapon). TUM, per this alternate version of the Umbrella theory, was evidently hired by some assassination bigwigs to stand out in full view of everybody on Elm Street and "signal" to the real killers in Dealey Plaza, letting the gunmen know exactly when to fire their rifles at JFK. This TUM theory is nearly as ridiculous and laughable as the "poisoned dart" version. For one thing, HOW are the shooters supposed to keep an eye on "TUM" AND keep their eyes on their target (JFK) at the same time? Plus: To believe in this ultra-stupid theory, you'll have to throw all notions of common sense out the nearest window and actually believe that these "plotters" would have had the balls to put one of their "assassin team" members out on the sidewalk, in full view of many witnesses and CAMERAS at the precise time JFK is being murdered. (This kind of reminds me of the incident where a group of brain-dead criminals thought it might be a good idea to videotape themselves while in the act of committing a felony! Smart plan, huh?) ... Both "TUM" theories require ample time to recover from rolling around on the floor from the uncontrollable laughter that undoubtedly ensues whenever reading about such ludicrous CT-favoring nonsense.
5.) "Sewer Man". .... This theory has a killer rooting around the Dallas city sewer system beneath Dealey Plaza and firing the fatal JFK head shot from below ground level along Elm Street. Problem being: No possible angle could have been achieved from any Elm Street sewer to satisfy the known head wounds sustained by the President. But, still, the theory persists, without one logical, solid piece of evidence to back up such ludicrous claims. Amazing.
6.) "Black Dog Man". .... The "BDM" is a dark "blob" seen in a couple of photographs above the retaining wall on the Grassy Knoll. Some CTers feel this "blob" is a "man" getting ready to fire the fatal rifle shot. (Of course, just WHY he would be out in plain sight for all to film and photograph is, apparently, another matter for discussion.)
7.) "Sandy-Haired Man In West-End TSBD Window". .... "Sandy" (as I call him) has been purported to exist on the opposite (west) end of the Texas School Book Depository's sixth floor from where Lee Harvey Oswald was located in his "Sniper's Nest". Some CTers think "Sandy" can be seen in a picture taken just seconds after the shooting, and that he might have been an additional TSBD shooter on 11/22. This theory isn't as crazy as most others, but it still lacks any solid evidence to back it up. Plus, any shots from this West-End window do not equate to ANY known wounds in either victim.
8.) Secret Service man George Hickey accidentally fired the fatal shot from the SS follow-up vehicle (with the bullet miraculously finding the head of JFK). .... Yet another idiotic theory, without a shred of validity to it. This is also a rather odd theory to be claimed by CTers, seeing as how virtually all conspiracy theorists think the fatal head shot to JFK came from the right-front, and NOT from behind the automobile.
9.) "Body-altering surgery" performed on JFK prior to autopsy. .... This theory usually comes complete with a second casket and a "decoy" ambulance. Regarding all this hidden cloak-and-dagger type of activity, I'd simply ask -- Why didn't the conspirators simply shoot President Kennedy from Oswald's "Nest" and be done with it? If they would have used just that one rear shooter, they wouldn't have to worry about "altering" any wounds on JFK afterward (which could not possibly have been done without some non-conspirators noticing in the first place).
10.) The "Dal-Tex Shooter(s)". .... Were there one or more gunmen firing from the Dal-Tex Building on Houston Street? Many CTers think so (despite not ONE person, that I'm aware of, immediately dashing into that building thinking shots might have come from within it).
11.) "Kellerman Kills Kennedy" (as mentioned earlier).
12.) "Triple Underpass Shooter". .... Some people seem to feel a frontal shot that hit JFK came from atop the Triple Underpass. Problems galore with this (IMO) -- because WHY didn't ANY of the many railroad workers who were up there see this rifle-toting assassin or hear any shot(s) coming from right beside them? Not a logical theory.
13.) Virtually all of the autopsy photos and X-rays have been "faked" or altered in some manner. .... This one, too, doesn't reside in the realm of anything approaching "reality" (IMO). Because 19 different photo experts for the HSCA have verified the autopsy materials as authentic and unaltered in any manner. Still, these rumors persist like gum on the bottom of your shoe.
14.) Any combination of the above theories. .... E.g.: The Oliver Stone "Triangulation of Crossfire" theory (with three gunmen in various locations and six gunshots being fired). .... Amazing, though, isn't it, that these six shots were somehow condensed into sounding like just the THREE shots that were said to be heard by virtually EVERY person who was in a position to immediately report the shooting to the world (Merriman Smith, Jack Bell, and WFAA's Jay Watson to name but three)? Funny coincidence huh? And incredibly lucky for the "plotters" too it would seem. **
** = Plus, there's the added miraculous luck of the shooters/conspirators that resulted in the THREE separate shots that supposedly (per CTers) caused the back and neck wounds in TWO different men (JFK and John Connally) somehow "lining themselves up" to perfection to make it SEEM afterward like these three shots could all be explained away with one single bullet (the "Single-Bullet Theory"). Is there no end to the overwhelming good fortune of these amazing conspirators?
In my own view, there comes a time when you've just got to step back from the bottomless CT abyss and say "enough is enough"! That time was long ago for this writer. For it's been quite clear to me for a lengthy period of time that none of the above theories is worth a hill of beans. IMO, the Warren Report had it correct from the beginning -- Lee Harvey Oswald took his own rifle to work on November 22, 1963, and murdered President Kennedy all by himself. And he didn't even need one single umbrella to accomplish the deed. .... Three shots; one rifle; one killer. It's the logical conclusion.