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Dad Is Fat Paperback – April 22, 2014
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About the Author
JIM GAFFIGAN is a stand-up comedian and actor with numerous film, television, and stage credits. He lives in Manhattan with his wife, Jeannie, and their five children in a two-bedroom apartment.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Letter to My Children
I am your dad. The father of all five of you pale creatures. Given how attractive and fertile your mother is, there may be more of you by the time you read this book. If you are reading this, I am probably dead. I would assume this because I can honestly foresee no other situation where you’d be interested in anything I’ve done. Right now, you are actually more interested in preventing me from doing things like working, sleeping, and smiling. I’m kidding, of course. Kind of. I love you with all of my heart, but you are probably the reason I’m dead.
All right, you didn’t kill me. Your mother did. She kept getting pregnant! I don’t know how. Don’t think about it. It will give you the willies. At one point, I was afraid she got pregnant while she was pregnant. She was so fertile I didn’t even let her hold avocados. Anyway, this is a book all about what I observed being your dad when you were very young and I had some hair back in good old 2013.
So why a book? Well, since you’ve come into my life, you’ve been a constant source of entertainment while simultaneously driving me insane. I felt I had to write down my observations about you in a book. And also for money, so you could eat and continue to break things. By the way, I’m sorry I yelled so much and did that loud clapping thing with my hands. I hated when my dad would do the loud clapping thing with his hands, so every time I do the loud clapping thing, it pains me in many ways. Most of the pain is because that loud clapping thing actually hurts my hands.
You may be wondering how I wrote this book. From a very early age, you all instinctively knew I wasn’t that bright of a guy. Probably from all the times you had to correct me when I couldn’t read all the words in The Cat in the Hat. Hell, I find writing e‑mails a chore. (Thank you, spell-check!) I wrote this book with the help of many people, but mostly your mother. Your mother is not only the only woman I’ve ever loved, but also the funniest person I know. When your mom was not in labor yelling at me, she made me laugh so hard.
P.S. How did you get that hula hoop into that restaurant Easter 2011?
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Top Customer Reviews
This book gave me that feeling of commonality with the author which I always enjoy--I had one child and have volunteered with children so I'm familiar with the idiosyncrasies of children. It taught me a lot about what it's like to raise a family of five in a small apartment--an experience I never had. It made me smile a lot or maybe even cringe a bit. But I think I laughed aloud just twice. Many of his observations are quite typical and well-known by most people who have been around children. One of my favorite parts of the book was the first chapter which was a story about Gaffigan and his wife before they had children when they accompanied a couple and their baby on a trip to the Grand Canyon. Very cute story. I smiled a lot and maybe even laughed once. I also enjoyed his skiing trip story and everything he had to say about camping.
I had thought that since I never heard Gaffigan do his comedy routines that everything would be fresh and would make for some very funny reading. But I was a bit disappointed. If all the stories had been as amusing as the one in the first chapter, I would have been happier. Why is it that sometimes authors put their best work in the first chapter? A comfortable, cozy read but not particularly memorable. I send him and his wife kudos for performing a monumental task (the kids certainly look very happy in the pictures he provides). Guess I have to say that it's amazing that he could manage to write this book at all.