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The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships Paperback – May 3, 2005
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“Of all the books that have been written about the personal relationships of women and what to do about them, this is the most sound. Like a family heirloom, it can be passed from generation to generation as it is based on profound and lasting truths.” (Peggy Papp, M.S.W., The Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy)
About the Author
Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., is one of our nation’s most loved and respected relationship experts. Renowned for her work on the psychology of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic for more than two decades. A distinguished lecturer, workshop leader, and psychotherapist, she is the author of The Dance of Anger and other bestselling books. She is also, with her sister, an award-winning children's book writer. She and her husband are therapists in Lawrence, Kansas, and have two sons.
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This book was a person choice to read after finding myself often feeling frustrated and irate about things that shouldn't make me feel that way. Sometimes we can write it off as a bad day, PMS, bad night's sleep, lack of coffee, or running into grumpy people all day. Whatever the cause, it was tiresome feeling cranky. I've read other books on anger, even done workbooks, but nothing really affected me the way this book did. I can say that she laid it all out in simple terms, but she didn't. Ms. Lerner didn't take the "dumb it down" route that some authors do because they feel the readers won't understand all the psychological mumbo-jumbo.
From the first page of this book to the last, I had so many "ah-ha" and "oh my Lord" and "that's me!" moments that with the highlighting and post-it flags the book now resembles a neon pinata. This book has a permanent spot on my headboard for whenever I find myself having a bad day, which I have to admit is now a rare occurrence. For the first time, after reading so many other books on anger, I finally truly understand the dance, the circle dance that we do to perpetuate the circular dance of anger. And it comes down to having the courage to step up within yourself and be the one to walk away from the dance. It's the hardest yet easiest thing I have ever done. It's been several weeks since I finish this book for the first time, and the change in my behavior is noticeable to everyone I know. And my behavior helps influence their behavior, which helps them step away from the dance of anger. Several friends and family members have purchased and read this book, and we all agree that it's a must read.
By reading this book, or even taking the step to buy it, it doesn't mean that you have anger issues. Every one of us is entitled to feel grumpy and cranky and irate just as we are entitled to feel happy and less stressed and calm. Ms.Learner explains how life's little annoyances can creep into our lives and add to whatever stress we already have. Her goal is to help keep those little annoyances and stressors out of our lives, to stop the stupid arguments over who forgot to pick up the mail.
If you have ever wanted to stop letting the small matters snowball into big problems, please read this book. It really will make a difference.
It's on my "within reach" book shelf for fast troubleshooting. Thank you Harriet Lerner!!!