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The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate Paperback – August 6, 2002
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"I love Hariet Lerner's work." (-Anne Lamott, author of Traveling Mercies )
From the Back Cover
In her most affirming and life-changing book yet, Dr. Harriet Lerner teaches us how to restore love and connection with the people who matter the most. In The Dance of Connection we learn what to say (and not say) when:
- We need an apology, and the person who has harmed us won't apologize or be accountable.
- We don't know how to take a conversation to the next level when we feel desperate.
- We feel worn down by the other person's criticism, negativity, or irresponsible behavior.
- We have been rejected or cut off, and the other person won't show up for the conversation.
- We are struggling with staying or leaving, and we don't know our "bottom line."
- We are convinced that we've tried everything -- and nothing changes.
Filled with compelling personal stories and case examples, Lerner outlines bold new "voice lessons" that show us how to speak with honor and personal integrity, even when the other person behaves badly.
Whether we're dealing with a partner, parent, sister, or best friend, The Dance of Connection teaches us how to navigate our most important relationships with clarity, courage, and joyous conviction.
- Publisher : William Morrow Paperbacks; Reprint edition (August 6, 2002)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 272 pages
- ISBN-10 : 006095616X
- ISBN-13 : 978-0060956165
- Item Weight : 6.9 ounces
- Dimensions : 5.31 x 0.61 x 8 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #21,483 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer Reviews:
Top reviews from the United States
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I like that she uses a lot of personal anecdotes although I know some find it off putting. But I like that I can have a silent conversation “No, do I really do that?...Yes, it might work better if I....”
I always feel better after reading her books and that, for me, is huge.
I do not mean to say that this book does not have use for many, but for me I was looking for a book that empowers me to feel connected with others in a meaningful way. A book brings about introspective insight into meaningful connection with others. A book with purpose and insight into the human condition. Unfortunately this book lacks human spirit. None of the rawness of emotions are present. It's a frustrating read of dry dialogue.
I came to this book with expectations that it would bring me to find meaningful connections with other people in the world. Clearly I came to the wrong place. I don't mean to diminish the value this book offers, but it's value to me and the way the title and overview are presented landed for me as a book on meaningful connections. I feel misled.
Top reviews from other countries
The book walks through “typical” life situations and explains how to deal with them. Often we thing that standing and shouting at each other, expecting the other person to back down and apologise isn’t always the best way to dealing with people and situations.
At the end of the day, we need to take responsibility for our actions, we cannot take responsibility for other people’s. Well worth a read if you manage people, if you work with other people and if you have to deal with people in your personal life. In other words, should be read by everybody.
By the way, there is nothing wrong with a row, but maybe there are better ways of dealing with things. This book will give you the tools to help you.