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The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships Paperback – Abridged, March 28, 1997
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“A wise and compassionate book that will teach the reader much about the complex emotions our family and love relationships engender.” (Lillian B. Rubin, Ph.D., author of Intimate Strangers)
“Subtle and literate, The Dance of Intimacy is like a long, revealing conversation with a wise and compassionate friend.” (Maggie Scarf)
“Dr. Lerner has a truly remarkable ability to analyze our problems with intimacy. She has written a hopeful, respectful, and transforming book.” (Carol C. Nadelson, M.D., former president of the American Psychiatric Association)
About the Author
Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., is one of our nation’s most loved and respected relationship experts. Renowned for her work on the psychology of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic for more than two decades. A distinguished lecturer, workshop leader, and psychotherapist, she is the author of The Dance of Anger and other bestselling books. She is also, with her sister, an award-winning children's book writer. She and her husband are therapists in Lawrence, Kansas, and have two sons.
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Clear warnings by the author that presenting problem and solution histories in one chapter makes things look easier than they are. Enough stories without "happy endings" to realistically present difficulties.
Have read one dance book before, fear. I am considering reading another, anger, in the near future. Recommended by psychologist treating me for depression when I brought up marital concerns.
In 'Dance of Intimacy', the author discusses issues such as under- and over-functioning. The less our partner does, the more we do. The more slack we pick up, the less our partner does. She deals with setting limits for this and decreasing enabling behaviors.
Ms. Lerner also discusses distancing and pursuit. Often in relationships, when a person is pursued, they pull away. However, if their partner does not pursue them, they end up wanting more intimacy. The author deals with this common dynamic and explains the root causes of it.
She gives good advice about approaching hot issues in the relationship, offering ways to improve communication and moving forward. She also has an excellent chapter on dealing with differences between you and your partner.
I highly recommend this book for everyone, especially women.