- Paperback: 318 pages
- Publisher: Bartleby Press (April 1, 2016)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0910155879
- ISBN-13: 978-0910155878
- Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.8 x 8.5 inches
- Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
- Average Customer Review: 7 customer reviews
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,513,862 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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Dare to Grow Up: Learn to Become Who You Are Meant to Be Paperback – April 1, 2016
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About the Author
Paul Dunion is a psychological healer and philosopher committed to promoting the understanding of life as a mysterious, insecure, and unpredictable journey. He offers individual and couples sessions, groups and workshops aimed at deepening a capacity to receive the mystery of life and accept ourselves as those who have chosen to travel such an odyssey.
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Somewhere, a bit deeper inside ourselves than our normal, everyday, practical world, we know intuitively that the best life for ourselves would be the one where we can relate to others from the deepest, most authentic parts of ourselves, and be heard, seen, received, related to, from that part. Paul Dunion’s book reigns supreme for me in expressing what the hitches and problems are in achieving this seemingly simple social outcome.
For a start, most of the time “being me” often seems to mean “being alone”, because others are incapable of receiving me as I really am. In order to feel connected, attached, I thus give up valued parts of myself, and so achieve union with others, at the expense of being totally and autonomously me.
Different people thus employ different strategies to deal with this conundrum. Some seek to dominate. They thus “get themselves, their way”, but have no connection to the authentic parts of those they dominate. Others take on submissive, victim strategies — betraying themselves to remain attached to the more powerful. Both these strategies are there for the sake of maintaining some connection. But there is a third way some deal with such unequal situations — by distancing themselves, taking themselves away from the game, away from the stories. And I would think some of us regard this as a healthy strategy. Dunion reminds us that this too fails to get us the prized, higher outcome of being me as me, relating to you as you, or as Martin Buber put it, as the holy “I” to the holy “Thou”.
I love the fact that so many of Paul’s concepts, unlike complex concepts used generally in psychological jargon, use language we can all understand to make processes more clear to us, so that they pop up out of the page, and we easily recognise them (“Yeh! Yeh! I always felt that. Just did not know how to say it!”). After having just written my own book on romantic love, I wished I could have written more in the easy, yet incredibly deep and meaningful, style of Dunion’s book.
With the same clarity expressed above in relation to domination and submission and distancing he expounds on the importance of clear boundaries as the essential ingredient for daring to be ourselves. He expounds beautifully on 3 types of boundaries: intellectual, emotional and behavioural (where we need to learn to think for ourselves no matter what the thinking of others around us, feel for ourselves not matter what the feeling of others around us, and act for ourselves, no matter what others regard as acceptable or appropriate action). This section on boundaries I, with long years in the psychology field, regard as one of the most important pieces of writing about how we need to live to truly be ourselves.
And there is much more besides: like chapters on Self-loyalty versus self-betrayal, and so on. There is much of great importance in this book and I cannot think of one human being I know who could not learn something of great value for themselves from this.
Dr. Dunion explores the places in which we struggle that keep us locked in our adolescent beliefs while imparting his wisdom on how to deal with these barriers that keep us from fully maturing. He states that, "personal fulfillment may ultimately be dependent on our ability to move closer and closer to who we are meant to be, a process guided by a commitment to our own maturation." He also adds that each of us has our proper time for maturing and talks about the importance of mentors, ritual and community in the process of growing ourselves up.
I have recommended this book to my family and friends. Each person who has read it has expressed tremendous gratitude for the wisdom they had gained. Dare To Grow Up has had a profound effect on me as it has made me aware of some lingering limited beliefs which I still carry. Beliefs that have served as barriers to my emotional health and my maturation, creating yet more distance from who I was truly meant to be. A great read for anyone who dares to grow up.