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Data, A Love Story: How I Gamed Online Dating to Meet My Match Hardcover – January 31, 2013

by Amy Webb (Author)

188 customer reviews

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A lively, thought-provoking memoir about how one woman "gamed" online dating sites like JDate, OKCupid and eHarmony – and met her eventual husband.

After yet another online dating disaster, Amy Webb was about to cancel her JDate membership when an epiphany struck: It wasn’t that her standards were too high, as women are often told, but that she wasn’t evaluating the right data in suitors’ profiles. That night Webb, an award-winning journalist and digital-strategy expert, made a detailed, exhaustive list of what she did and didn’t want in a mate. The result: seventy-two requirements ranging from the expected (smart, funny) to the super-specific (likes selected musicals: Chess, Les Misérables. Not Cats. Must not like Cats!).

Next she turned to her own profile. In order to craft the most compelling online presentation, she needed to assess the competition—so she signed on to JDate again, this time as a man. Using the same gift for data strategy that made her company the top in its field, she found the key words that were digital man magnets, analyzed photos, and studied the timing of women’s messages, then adjusted her (female) profile to make the most of that intel.

Then began the deluge—dozens of men wanted to meet her, men who actually met her requirements. Among them: her future husband, now the father of her child.

Forty million people date online each year. Most don’t find true love. Thanks to Data, a Love Story, their odds just got a whole lot better.

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Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

When journalist-turned-consultant Webb ended a serious relationship at age 30, she turned to online dating to seek her match and avoid horrible setups arranged by her mother. The men she meets on JDate and Match.com prove to be disappointments. They are disingenuous about their physical appearance, they stick her with the tab, and one turns out to be married. Rather than being discouraged, however, Webb combines her investigative skills with her mathematical savvy to better understand how online dating sites work, and who is having the most success with them. She creates several male profiles in order to check out how other women are marketing themselves, particularly the women whose profiles pop up right away, indicating they’re getting the highest volume of responses. Once she’s gathered her data, Webb applies it to her own profile, changing the wording and redoing her pictures. Webb’s clever and inventive experiment, as well as her success story, will be inspiring and eye-opening for anyone who has ever turned to one of the many popular online dating sites in search of love. --Kristine Huntley

Review

"Ultimately, [Webb] got her man, 'a storybook wedding' and the longed-for child. Pleasant, geeky fun. -Kirkus Book Reviews

"Data, A Love Story has me reassessing my sad single years, or at least my approach to them. The book is about pragmatic approaches to partnership, the freedom that comes from asking for what you want, and the clarity that follows honest assessments of oneself and others. (And it's brave, funny, and smart to boot.)" -Anna Holmes, founder of Jezebel.com and editor of Hell Hath No Fury: Women's Letters from the End of the Affair

"I LOVE THIS BOOK TO DEATH! Amy Webb has literally written the book on online dating. This is online dating for geeks, for women, for men, for anyone who would like to meet his or her soul mate or just a playmate, and despairs of ever doing so." -Cindy Gallop, founder of IfWeRanTheWorld.com

"A hilarious, fascinating, meticulous, brutally honest, totally engrossing, and utterly delightful book. Webb's color-coded and cross-indexed tale of her quest for exactly what she unapologetically wanted will make you look at data differently--and use it much, much better." -Rachel Sklar, cofounder of TheLi.st and Change The Ratio

"Webb's clever and inventive experiment, as well as her success story, will be inspiring and eye-opening for anyone who has ever turned to one of the many popular online dating sites in search of love." -Booklist

See all Editorial Reviews

Product details

Hardcover: 304 pages
Publisher: Dutton; 30868th edition (January 31, 2013)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0525953809
ISBN-13: 978-0525953807
Product Dimensions: 6.2 x 1 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 188 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,034,013 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #268 in Books > Biographies & Memoirs > Professionals & Academics > Computers & Technology
- #729 in Books > Computers & Technology > Internet & Social Media > Social Media
- #1124 in Books > Computers & Technology > History & Culture

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Amazon Customer

Self serving but interesting.

January 19, 2014

Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase

I thought this writer was a bit full of herself when she blasted her dates for their so-called failings. Really, going into the bathroom to blog about her dates in real time? Was she actually looking to meet someone, or was she trying to write a book? If it was the latter, then the entire premise of the book is false. I'd be curious to see what her dates thought of her. She lambasts her "dates" for lying on their profile, but in the next paragraph admits she lies about her smoking habits. She rates her "dates" on grammar, but in the next page says she "could care less" about something the date says. Really-shouldn't that be "couldn't"? Or was she ambivalent about the level of caring? So, it's an interesting read on internet dating, (which should have an expose written by someone impartial because it certainly is a frontier not to be believed) and some of the statistics are fascinating, but if you have to "game" the system to meet your match, perhaps you're trying too hard.

11 people found this helpful

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More interesting as a story than a guide

May 4, 2014

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

The author wrote about her experiences as a single woman and finding, meeting, and marrying her now-husband, using online dating. I found the half that spoke strictly about her experiences to be engaging, and I enjoyed it. However, the part that discusses her strategies and her belief that they will help you didn't really work for me. I've dabbled in online dating (leading to two long-term relationships), and a lot of her strategies were specific to JDate, more than borderline neurotic (Excel spread sheets?), and honestly out of date with the current sites and practices. The basic message, to reflect and seek out what you truly want in a partner, set boundaries while dating, and using attractive pictures of yourself, are good, but kind of no-brainers, and they take a back seat to the crazy strategizing.

5 people found this helpful

Comment

Ramp up your odds of meeting Mr. Wonderful through Online Dating ! or at least - look darned good doing it !! LOL

November 7, 2013

Format: HardcoverVerified Purchase

Amy did all the work for the rest of us! I spent 3 months on Match with limited success and did not renew my subscription, but I remained interested in the potential of online dating. I am in my 60's and opportunities to meet people in my age group are limited. After reading Amy's book, I realized many of the errors I had made . She may be younger, but the game is the same,no matter the age ! Anyway, her book is easy reading. Her observations and experiences are delightful and true ! Her research and conclusions are very on point and it is well worth following her conclusions and recommendations . No, I have not yet tried online dating again. I just finished Amy's book and I need to make a weighted list of what I want in a companion, get my hair properly styled, get some great, happy , approachable pictures of myself and write my new , super profile !! I recommend this book.

5 people found this helpful

Comment

Awesome - even if you're a total cynic like me

May 21, 2014

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

You don't have to be a romantic or an online dater or single to enjoy this book. I picked it up after hearing the author on the TED Radio Hour. What piqued my interest was her methodology. She spent weeks creating an elaborate mathematically-based system to help her avoid awful online dates. As someone who would rather put her hand in a fire than spend an hour with some random jack-wagon who won't stop talking about his awkwardly small feet (thing that happened), I whole-heartedly endorse what she did. If you are really looking for love online, this book will give you hope. If you just like reading about online dates that are as bad - if not worse - than the online dates that have driven you to consider monastic life, this is a great read. I you like spreadsheets, this book is also for you.

6 people found this helpful

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Crunching the numbers

March 16, 2014

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

The author is a smart sensible lady who has studied the online dating game and come up with some useful suggestions that serious online daters can use. Not every suggestion is a revelation, many are commonsensical. But there are nuggets in this book that make it well worth the read.

Wrapped around the process is Amy's story about how she used this exercise to find her husband. Amy writes well, is irreverent, and her story makes for a delightful read.

One can only wish that the rest of us do half as well.

2 people found this helpful

Comment

More Autobiographical Than Broadly Applicable

November 2, 2013

Format: Kindle EditionVerified Purchase

Amy Webb prose is well-written, flows gracefully and is easy to read. I learned about this book from her Ted Talk, and was impressed that this woman who obviously wasn't going to win any beauty pageants managed to land herself a desirable soulmate within an acceptably short time. I am male, and what inspired me to read the book was that she put up a bunch of fake male profiles on JDate and observed which ones were most successful.

To get to that part, I had to wade through a ton of autobiographical detail (was it really necessary to write about every cigarette she smoked?). When I finally got to the part about the fake male profiles, it wasn't very useful. She did not vary them randomly, no, they were all variations of her ideal mate. The only distinguishing factor she gave between popular and less popular male profiles was that the popular ones had hair. This does me little good, as I am seriously bald. Perhaps I should get a transplant.

That's 100% of her advice to male online daters: "Don't be bald.".

I didn't think much of her advice to women, either. She gives 2 examples of "unpopular" female profile (she shows prose only, no pictures) and I liked both of them. I would have dated either of those women if the pictures were OK. She doesn't explain how she knew which women were popular and which weren't, she never did fake female profiles. Perhaps JDate lists everybody's popularity (if so, why the need for the fake male profiles?). That was never explained. But her advice to women in photographs was: get your hair done nice, and show some cleavage. Duh! I could have told her that before I opened the book. Her advice to women in their prose as to say almost nothing, come across with an unconditionally sunny disposition. I wouldn't go near the profile of a woman who followed her advice.

I think men having money is the equivalent of women showing good cleavage. I am really well-off, but haven't figured out how to let that slip without sounding tacky or finding myself getting used by gold-diggers. I think Rolexes are idiotic, and live in New York where owning any kind of car would be more trouble than it's worth. Webb makes it clear she runs for the door if a man is in debt, and his occupation is important to her. Her (bad) advice to women is not to talk about work at all, but I don't think that is advice she would give a man.

9 people found this helpful

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