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Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs Hardcover – August 1, 1997
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Dave Barry, that indefatigable yukmeister, writes terrific humor columns (never mind that they all begin to sound the same if you read him regularly). He's the funniest friend you never had. If you read his column--better yet, if you don't read his column--get your hands on a copy of The Book of Bad Songs.
Barry's style is so effortless that you can't resist quoting him. This bit is from his mock-hortatory introduction: "If you keep reading, you're going to have all kinds of bad songs waking up and creeping around inside your brain, refusing to die, just like the corpses in the movie The Night of the Living Dead ..."
Barry's 'Bad Song Survey' prompted a host of reader responses to his weekly syndicated column - and this book, which gathers the votes for top bad songs and the wry comments by both Barry and audience. Any familiar with pop music will find this hilarious. -- Midwest Book Review
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He also forgot a few notorious ones. Most notably, Alphaville's Victory of Love, for lazy rhyming when they couldn't find any suitable words" "she's an investigator; she's like an elevator" (or is it "alligator"???). Roxette's She's Got The Look, for making no sense whatsoever ("...she's a juvenile scam, loving like a wild dog, she's got the look"), and Tinie Tempah for Miami to Ibiza, the song with something to offend absolutely everyone: "I've got a black BM, she's got a white TT, she wanna see what's hiding in my CK briefs, so I say wear suspenders and some PVC, so I can film it all up on my JPC..." You get the picture...thinly veiled though the crass lyrics might be by the artist's use of confusing acronyms. Except for the final verse, which is clear as day: "If you (ethnic slur) are balling, then man, I must be FIFA..."
Yes, whether a song is bad or good is a matter of opinion. But Mr. Barry's detailed essay on this subject is spot-on. Awesome...six stars. Except now, I can't get the refrain "one ton of mayo" out of my brain!
P.S. I almost forgot Beep Beep by The Playmates. Now get that one out of your head.