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10 Days to a Less Defiant Child: The Breakthrough Program for Overcoming Your Child's Difficult Behavior Paperback – May 19, 2006

4.5 out of 5 stars 156 customer reviews

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Parenting in a complicated world
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Jeff Bernstein, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist specializing in child and family therapy in the Philadelphia area who has helped hundreds of defiant children and their families restore their relationships. A well known relationship expert and the author of Why Can't You Read My Mind?, Bernstein has appeared on the Today Show and Court TV, among other venues.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Marlowe & Company; English Language edition (May 19, 2006)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1569243018
  • ISBN-13: 978-1569243015
  • Product Dimensions: 1 x 5.5 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (156 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #112,631 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

By Robert Rosenkaimer on October 18, 2006
Format: Paperback
Have you ever been frustrated with your relationship to your child? Have you ever thought that your child is just being defiant? Maybe you have tried severe punishments and scolding that don't lead to a change in future behavior as you had hoped. Most parents, like my-self experience a children's defiance from time to time, and some experience that defiance 24/7.

Bernstein's book "10 Days to a Less Defiant Child" (I will call "10 Days" from now on) gives parents and teachers new insights and tools in art of raising children. Though Bernstein does not assume the role of telling the parent what specific morals to teach, he offers some tools and some understanding of emotional intelligence that will allow parents to lead and teach rather than the typical chaos that many parents experience.

Here are some of the Key Points of 10 Days:

o Bernstein stresses the importance of learning to listen correctly. When children's feelings are not validated, that in itself many times it causes anger, resentment, and unmet expectations.

o Yelling he says, is counter productive and can easily become a downward spiral. This is for two reasons. The first is that for a calm house to exist there has to be calmness. The second stems from the parenting goal itself to teach children to control their emotions and anger. Yelling itself is a loss of emotional control, and regardless of the message, it teaches children to release their emotions in similar outbursts.

o One of answers to alleviating the dreaded power struggles is to learn to be calm and firm. The call to calm means that we are to keep our emotions in check while at the same time being firm, not negotiating or vacillating on the consequences.
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Format: Paperback
This is the only book that didn't make me beat up on myself!

We have had a child who from the first year gave us a run for the money. Love is just not enough when a child challenges

just about everything you say AND do. I have read so many

books and always wound up feeling like a bad parent. This

book is so full of empathy and understanding for the parent it does what we have always needed -- someone who could really help

us help our child and make our family life less emotionally draining and more fun. I wholeheartedly recommend this book

for any and every parent who needs and wants help. Dr. Bernstein understands that a parent who beats up on themselves

can't help anyone and by helping the parent help themselves,

it seems to automatically translate to the child!

This book really helped us tease out the differences between

opposition and depression, antisocial behavior and anxiety.

This is a great compendium of information and any and every

parent will find something that will make a BIG difference in their child's life and family life!
3 Comments 162 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
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Format: Paperback
In my experience, it only took about two to three days to see real results. To be sure, other parents may have more difficult situations. This book is really valuable because it organizes and presents the information in a way that is easy to understand and implement. It addresses the fundamental issues regarding communication and helps a parent gain an appreciation of the child's need to assume their own individuality. The book is not about ensuring absolute obedience; in fact, such a goal is likely to result in defiant behavior. However, if what you ultimately hope to achieve is a solid and mostly harmonious relationship with your children, you should be well served by the advice in this book. You might not end up being able to force your teen-age daughter to wear pink polka-dot corduroy knickers with dark green taffeta tops (or force her not to wear them), but you probably will be able to get her to arrive at school on time and not scream at you when you ask how the homework is coming along. Furthermore, it is better to have a child who perceives you as an understanding ally in life than one who thinks you are another source of frustration or pain. By discussing how to avoid unconstructive behavior on your part, the book's guidance goes a long way to teaching skills that allow you to influence the important aspects of growing up in a positive way.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
My 8 year old son is a defiant child. I've known it since he was born. I was always envious when I saw other parents with their children that seemed calm and happy. We lived our lives in constant stress, always ready for the next "scene" when my son would say something rude or hit his sister or even hit or push me. My husband and I wanted so desperately to be happy, but we just couldn't get through to our son.

I cried many times as I read through this book because it describes exactly so many situations that we live through on a day to day basis. I always thought I was alone in this and it would be a lifelong struggle to try to raise a kind, responsible boy... a struggle that I wasn't sure I would be successful at.

I am not yet through the entire book, but I feel compelled to write a review because it has changed my life. From the first day that we started implementing the author's suggestions, my son improved. After a week now, we are a different family. We are happy most of the time. There is no more screaming and little crying. We are talking! The book has not only taught me about my son, but also has helped me to reflect on my own choices, thoughts, and actions (which is perhaps the most difficult aspect of all) and has taught me a lot about myself.

The book gives excellent explanations and examples without being preachy or long-winded. I highly recommend this book to anyone dealing with a defiant child.
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