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Deal with It! A Whole New Approach to Your Body, Brain, and Life as a gURL Paperback – September 1, 1999
This book is for anyone who needs to know what it means to be a girl -- from those on the edge of their teens to those who are way past them but still reeling from the trauma.
Amazon.com Review
From Publishers Weekly
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Library Journal
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Booklist
Review
The New Yorker As frank as Madeleine Albright's assessment of Saddam Hussein and as saucy as women's room graffiti in a college dorm...
Shirley Manson, lead singer of Garbage I wish this book could have been found in a bookstore as I was struggling to come to terms with approaching adulthood. A great manual to consult whenever you need confirmation that you're not half as weird and scary as your friends and family think you are.
About the Author
The founders received the New York Magazine Award in 1997 for their work on gURL.com. The gURL website received a 1998 webby Award.
Heather McDonald is a full-time writer, performer, and story producer on E! Channel’s top rated show—Chelsea Lately, and stars in the show’s spin-off, After Lately. Heather has been married to Peter for twelve years, with whom she has two sons and a stepdaughter. They reside in the San Fernando Valley.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Chapter One
Boobs get a lot of attention. There's a certain amount of biological motivation for this -- breasts are the first source of human nourishment -- but that's only the beginning.
The stress on boobs in our society creates a lot of stress for girls who are growing them. You don't have much control over your breast development and the outcome can be unpredictable.
When boobs start popping up left and right, they can be hard to ignore. Whatever your specific situation, shape, or size, your boobs are bound to be an important part of your female identity.
Growing Them
Breasts start to grow in response to an increase in the hormone estrogen, which causes the growth of mammary glands (which produce milk) and also signals cushions of fat to grow and surround those glands. Much of the volume of the breast comes from these cushions of fat. Also inside the breast is a network of milk ducts connected to the milk-producing glands, which are ready to send milk out of the nipple when it comes time to nurse a baby.
There are roughly five stages of breast development. Everyone goes through them at her own rate. Some girls may go through the whole process in a couple of months and can actually seem to bypass whole stages; others can take almost 10 years to get from the beginning to the (relatively) final product.
Stage I The first stage usually starts between ages 8 and 11 (although it can come earlier or later). During this stage, there are no visible signs of development. Inside the body, though, puberty is beginning. The ovaries enlarge and estrogen begins to circulate.
Stage 2 The first visible thing that happens is the nipple and the areola (the skin around the nipple) get larger and maybe a bit darker. They may also feel tender or ache a little. It can hurt to sleep on your stomach or wear certain clothes.
Next, milk ducts and fat tissue form a little, round, dense, disklike mound under each nipple and areola, making them stick out. One disk might form before the other, even as much as a year earlier. These disks can often feel like lumps.
Stage 3 Fat deposits now start to fill out the area around the nipple and areola. At this stage, many girls' breasts appear pointy. The amount of fat and where it grows vary and will determine the size and shape of your breasts. This is the time when many girls think about wearing a bra.
Stage 4 Not everyone goes through Stage 4. If you do, you will observe that your nipple and areola begin to form a separate mound at the end of your breast and get bigger and more pronounced. Some women keep this characteristic permanently. The breasts continue to fill out and grow larger. (If you didn't get your period during stage 3, you probably will now.)
Stage 5 By the time you reach stage 5, what you see could be what you get. Breast size can change during a woman's adult life, however. Generally the causes of this are hormonal (birth control pills, pregnancy) or changes in body weight, although there are a significant number of women whose breasts continue to change throughout their twenties.
Shapes and Sizes
Breasts come in all shapes and sizes. There is no one normal boob profile. And nobody notices the idiosyncrasies of your boobs like you do. The timing of your boob development makes no difference in what they end up looking like. Breasts also go through cyclical changes with the menstrual cycle. They tendto get a little fuller and more sensitive leading up to the period and staypretty te der until the period is over. After the period they settle down to their less-full form.
Asymmetry
Your whole body (eyes, ears, etc.) is asymmetrical and chances are that there are some subtle differences between your two breasts, too. In some people it's enough to be noticeable, but almost never dramatically so. In rare instances, a right and left boob may vary a cup size or more. Very occasionally a girl will wear a prosthesis or even have surgery to even out a severe difference in size. Generally, though, it's one of those things that is a lot less noticeable to everyone else in the world than to the bearer of the boobs in question.
Nipples
Nipples also come in all shapes, colors, and sizes. Some nipples are particularly sensitive to outside stimuli.
Changing What You've Got
There's a long historical tradition of women making more or less of their bustlines than nature provides.
Breast enhancers
"Breast enhancers," which aren't that different from the actual implants inserted during surgery, are worn on the outside of the body and are available for purchase in the backs of magazines and at drugstores, promising every girl the silhouette she has always wanted. These products are obviously safer and cheaper than actual implants, but they don't change the way you look without a bra on.
Breast implants
First of all, no one NEEDS breast implants. Women may feel that their life enjoyment is being diminished by insufficient cup size. But that's kind of a limited way of thinking -- do you really want to give that much power to two lumps of fat sitting on your chest?
The decision of whether to alter your body for a cosmetic reason is a serious and personal one. Some women have had terrible health problems as a result of getting breast implants, although scientifically the jury is still out on whether they are dangerous. In any event, it's a good idea to wait a while before taking such a drastic step. Most reputable plastic surgeons won't even consider breast implants on a woman younger than 18. The way people feel about their bodies changes over time, and making a big, unnatural, permanent change now might be something you could later regret. Besides, you might still be growing.
Having bigger boobs won't change the kind of person you are, and if it does make more boys notice you, it might not be for the reason you want them to.
Breast reduction
Some women are physically challenged by the large size of their breasts. These problems can include chronic neck and back pain; poor posture; rashes, pain, and discomfort during exercise; and bra straps that actually cut grooves in their shoulders. Some of these women opt for breast reduction surgery to have some of the breast tissue removed. Women who have had breast reduction are said to be about the happiest plastic surgery patients afterward. Reduction surgery can leave significant scarring, usually in an inverted T-shape from the nipple to the underside of the breast, and may affect breast feeding later.
Boobs in society
There are plenty of reasons people like breasts, and focus on them accordingly. Some trace it back to infant oral fixations. Others think it may be the round shapes that are pleasing to the senses. Breasts are the most visible sexual organs. While other sexual organs are developing at the same time, they are (generally) kept under wraps and are not able to be seen. Breasts, on the other hand, make themselves known. Boobs certainly get their fair share of media attention, and the recent explosion of public breast enlargements makes them more obvious than ever. Historically, though, a variety of sizes and shapes of breasts have been considered ideal. Not all cultures share the American fixation on boobs, either. Many European countries present a more integrated view of the female body, and women appear topless on public beaches and in advertisements. On a more personal level, different people are attracted to different breast attributes (just as some people may have a preference for a certain eye color).
But many people seem to think that breasts in general are pretty great, whatever the particulars may be.
Lumps and bumps
The vast majority of lumps and bumps in the breast, at any age, are harmless. Breast budding in the early stages of breast development can often feel like a lump. At certain times of the month, especially before their periods, some women develop cysts -- small fluid-containing sacs. They are usually found near the armpits, can hurt a little, and disappear within a few days.
Show your doctor any lump that does not disappear within a few days; it is probably nothing to worry about. Breast cancer is obviously a scary and serious disease, which affects one in eight women over the course of a lifetime. But it is extremely, extremely rare in teenagers.
Fibrocystic breasts
Many girls and women develop lumpiness in their breasts due to hormonal changes during their menstrual cycle. Women with fibrocystic breasts have denser fibrous material in between the fatty deposits in their breasts, so it's more likely to become tangled up into knots. Fibrocystic lumps are not cancerous, although the first time you notice them, you may want to have them checked out.
All women experience some such cystic changes: lumpiness, tenderness, swelling. Eventually, you should get to know your own patterns of lumpiness.
Breast pain
Most girls experience some occasional breast pain -- most often before a period or during the early stages of breast development. If the pain is really plaguing you, happens at irregular times not linked to your cycle, or is much more pronounced in one breast, it's worth mentioning to your doctor, who may suggest cutting down on caffeine or taking vitamin E supplements and primrose oil.
Discharge or bleeding
Some discharge from the nipple can be brought on by hormonal fluctuations, but both discharge and bleeding that lasts for more than a week should be checked out with a doctor.
Chafed nipples
Nipples stick out and can rub against your clothes and sometimes get irritated, dry and crack, and even bleed a bit. Wearing soft fabrics or natural fibers can help. It can also help to put ointment, lanolin preparations, or even flavor -- free lip balm on irritated areas.
Inverted nipples
Some nipples do not stick out; instead, they appear to stick in (inverted nipples). This is not uncommon. Some nipples may go from "innie...
- Print length320 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherGallery Books
- Publication dateSeptember 1, 1999
- Grade level10 - 12
- Reading age14 years and up
- Dimensions7.75 x 0.6 x 9 inches
- ISBN-100671041576
- ISBN-13978-0671041571
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Product details
- Publisher : Gallery Books; Original edition (September 1, 1999)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 320 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0671041576
- ISBN-13 : 978-0671041571
- Reading age : 14 years and up
- Grade level : 10 - 12
- Item Weight : 1.75 pounds
- Dimensions : 7.75 x 0.6 x 9 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #371,278 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #85 in Teen & Young Adult Nonfiction on Dating & Intimacy
- #421 in Parenting Girls
- #476 in Parenting Teenagers (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
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I only wish there had been a male version for my son. Thankfully there is a section on males and we've explained the book to him now that he's entering puberty. It's a book that sits on the shelf and can be utilized and looked without question.
Above all else, this book taught me what my friends, family, and school failed to. It taught me about the importance of consent, that all the things I was experiencing were normal, how to handle depression when it came on for the first time, what to do in some of the worst case scenarios we find ourselves in as women.
Please note: this is not the kind of book that will tell your child to abstain from sex or utilize religion or shame to teach. This is a 100% honest book for teenagers that discusses the worst and best, gives sexual tips, the acceptance of all body types, self care, std's, illness, masturbation, and overall how to be healthy and responsible about sex.
I understand some women may think its inappropriate and uneasy to tell their princess about masturbation and oral sex. Or you may think she doesn't know or need to know until the right time. Its never the right time! And honestly if only my sisters mother knew just how much my little sister knows! Well, would you rather her learn from you? Or her friends/peers that knows about as much as she does? And news flash kids talk about sex! Kids have sex! Nobody likes to think it could be their child, and nobody wants to think of their child as sexually active BUT they know more than we think they do. So why not give them the tools to make a proper decision vs them winging it on their own. Some people's concern is it encourages them to have sex. That is ridiculous! These could be the same ones crying when they find out not only is their daughter sexually active, but she's pregnant. Give your child the tools they need to make it out here because if you don't, someone else will!
Top reviews from other countries
As an inquisitive pre-teen in the 1970s, I gleaned info about the secrets of adolescence from various sources. The basics came from my parents and some sex-ed at school but the things I really wanted to know were whispered in the girl's loos, surreptitiously read in a dog-eared porn mag a friend had found in his dad's cupboard or learnt from older boys who pretended to know what they were doing.
When I discovered Cosmopolitan and its sex-tips for women I'd finally found a source that told me some of what I wanted to know although it was aimed at 30-year-old career women with a live-in partner and not 12-year-old girls with no boyfriend. My own teen mags talked about boys all the time but didn't tell me how to be good at kissing or petting (and who wants to be rubbish at it?), they never told me it was OK or important to explore my own body, that sex is supposed to be fun.
If I kept sex info away from my own kids, where would they find it nowadays? From badly-informed school friends (who might pass on all sorts of strange misconceptions)? The Internet (where you can really come across some horrible hard-core stuff once you've broken through the net nanny)? From films or books where the sex scenes can be disturbing, violent, sexist or just hard to understand.
Call me prudish but I don't want to sit my kids down and give them tips on heavy petting techniques (though they'd probably be more mortified than I would). I'd rather they got it with privacy, at their own pace, in good time and from a reliable source that will inform them about their choices and the all-important safety issues at the same time.
It's got a colourful, attractive (to young teens) format, a bit like a magazine, with lots of quotes from teens about how they feel. For older teens, you might want to consider the more seriously formatted S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College .
My only gripe (apart from the silly spelling "GURL") is that the binding is badly done and the pages start to fall out very quickly.







