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Ross Gregory Douthat

The Deep Places: A Memoir of Illness and Discovery Hardcover – October 26, 2021

by Ross Douthat (Author)

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NEW YORK TIMES EDITORS’ CHOICE • In this vulnerable, insightful memoir, the New York Times columnist tells the story of his five-year struggle with a disease that officially doesn’t exist, exploring the limits of modern medicine, the stories that we unexpectedly fall into, and the secrets that only suffering reveals.

“A powerful memoir about our fragile hopes in the face of chronic illness.”—Kate Bowler, bestselling author of Everything Happens for a Reason

In the summer of 2015, Ross Douthat was moving his family, with two young daughters and a pregnant wife, from Washington, D.C., to a sprawling farmhouse in a picturesque Connecticut town when he acquired a mysterious and devastating sickness. It left him sleepless, crippled, wracked with pain--a shell of himself. After months of seeing doctors and descending deeper into a physical inferno, he discovered that he had a disease which according to CDC definitions does not actually exist: the chronic form of Lyme disease, a hotly contested condition that devastates the lives of tens of thousands of people but has no official recognition--and no medically approved cure.

From a rural dream house that now felt like a prison, Douthat's search for help takes him off the map of official medicine, into territory where cranks and conspiracies abound and patients are forced to take control of their own treatment and experiment on themselves. Slowly, against his instincts and assumptions, he realizes that many of the cranks and weirdos are right, that many supposed "hypochondriacs" are victims of an indifferent medical establishment, and that all kinds of unexpected experiences and revelations lurk beneath the surface of normal existence, in the places underneath.

The Deep Places is a story about what happens when you are terribly sick and realize that even the doctors who are willing to treat you can only do so much. Along the way, Douthat describes his struggle back toward health with wit and candor, portraying sickness as the most terrible of gifts. It teaches you to appreciate the grace of ordinary life by taking that life away from you. It reveals the deep strangeness of the world, the possibility that the reasonable people might be wrong, and the necessity of figuring out things for yourself. And it proves, day by dreadful day, that you are stronger than you ever imagined, and that even in the depths there is always hope.

Print length

224 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Convergent Books
Publication date

October 26, 2021
Dimensions

5.77 x 0.88 x 8.53 inches
ISBN-10

0593237366
ISBN-13

978-0593237366
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From the Publisher

Kate Bowler says “A powerful memoir about our fragile hopes in the face of chronic illness….”

James Martin says “Douthat brings a believer’s heart, a journalist’s curiosity....”

Rod Dreher says “Profound and truthful about the human condition….”

Editorial Reviews

Review

“A harrowing, and often profound, account of how one man’s life can be laid almost to waste by Fate.”—Wall Street Journal

“Douthat artfully weaves two stories together. The first is the story of his own illness, the increasingly outlandish treatments he is willing to try, and the havoc the affliction wreaks in his life. As he looks for a cure, he uncovers a second story: the strange tale of Lyme disease itself . . . No two chronic illnesses are exactly alike, but even so this book will likely resonate with anyone who has suffered from a chronic condition or has cared for someone who has.”—Paul W. Gleason, LA Review of Books

“Vulnerable and moving.”—Alyssa Rosenberg, Washington Post

“The Deep Places is a powerful memoir about our fragile hopes in the face of chronic illness. Ross Douthat is calling us all to courage and compassion: courage for those of us who suffer, and compassion to all those who walk alongside.”—Kate Bowler, New York Times bestselling author of Everything Happens for a Reason

“A vividly narrated account . . . Douthat manages a really remarkable thing here: to weave together his story of a body’s pain, a mind’s vacillations, and a spirit’s struggles with an account of how the medical establishment deals with, or simply refuses to deal with, conditions it does not understand. That Douthat can weave all this into a unity and even make the book a kind of page-turner—that’s something special.”—Alan Jacobs, author of How to Think and Breaking Bread with the Dead

“To call it a memoir about illness is to seriously underestimate this beautiful new book. Douthat brings a believer’s heart, a journalist’s curiosity, and a writer’s talent to tell an achingly human story that is, ultimately, about life.”—James Martin, SJ, New York Times bestselling author of Learning to Pray

“I read the book in one sitting. It is so profound and truthful about the human condition. I wanted it to go on and on. I had no idea that Douthat was such a poet of pain and hope.”—Rod Dreher, New York Times bestselling author of Live Not by Lies and The Benedict Option

“This is a great book and it’s going to be important and it’s about a lot more than Lyme disease; to this nonsufferer it made Lyme disease fascinating.”—Peggy Noonan, columnist, The Wall Street Journal

About the Author

Ross Douthat has been an Op-Ed columnist for The New York Times since 2009. Previously, he was a senior editor at The Atlantic. He is the author of The Decadent Society, To Change the Church, Bad Religion, and Privilege, and a co-author, with Reihan Salam, of Grand New Party. He is the film critic for National Review. He lives with his wife and four children in New Haven, Connecticut.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

A Dark Wood

I always wanted to move back to New England.

My wife and I both grew up in Connecticut: Abby in a green town just far enough from New York to count as the country, me in the rust and brick and Gothic of New Haven. My mother’s family were Maine Yankees from Puritan stock with a solid three-century history of staying put in chilly soil. My wife’s ancestors were from Newfoundland and Ireland, cold seacoasts and autumnal skies. As kids, we both made the long drive to Maine in the summers—in my case to the coastline where my grandparents lived and my uncle and cousins worked as lobstermen, in her case to a Girl Scout camp way up in the North Woods, cabins speckling the shores of a deep-blue lake under the shadow of Katahdin, the highest mountain in the state.

So living in the humid marshland of Washington, D.C., where we ended up together and married in our twenties, always felt like a mistake. The Mid-Atlantic was almost like the Northeast, but just slightly different in its temperature and color schemes—more sweltering in the summer and less vivid in the fall, with more winter rain and June warmth than our remembered childhood worlds. I would have preferred a stark contrast, the prairie or the Rockies or the Californian chaparral. Instead the resemblance just reinforced our mutual homesickness for deep woods and colonial houses, birches and evergreens, old stone walls and blizzards.

Then we had children, two daughters two years apart, and the drives back to see our families became harder, the nostalgia more intense. We lived in Capitol Hill, ten blocks from the Capitol dome, in a small row house in a gentrifying neighborhood. But once we had the kids the house felt tiny, the frequent terror alerts exhausting, the Beltway traffic between Ikea and Buy Buy Baby grueling. When we looked to the future, to more children and more space, the local school environment seemed punishingly competitive, an enemy of childhood. And the prices in the D.C. suburbs, for houses that we didn’t even like, were utterly insane.

I had a romantic idea of the alternative. My own parents had grown up in beautiful places, my mother in a farmhouse on a saltwater cove and my dad near the beach in Santa Monica, but when I was young they ended up living in a blue-collar corner of New Haven, in a ranch-house neighborhood that didn’t measure up to their memories of natural beauty. My mother pined for rocky coasts and spruce trees and high blue skies. My father missed the smell of eucalyptus. So I inherited an idea about land, beautiful land, as something intimately connected to the good life, yet always tantalizingly out of reach.

But by the time I turned thirty-five, it wasn’t out of reach anymore. Our row house, bought after the financial crisis, had appreciated absurdly in four years. I had a job as a New York Times columnist—a lucky opportunity, a dream job—that basically allowed me to live anywhere, so long as there was an internet connection and a way to fly or ride to Washington and New York. Many of the young families we knew talked about fleeing D.C. for their hometowns, or settling in some small, livable city, or even buying a Virginia farm. But for us the temptation was particularly sharp. We wanted to have another baby; my wife had just left her magazine job to write her first book. Why shouldn’t we blaze the trail, make the fantasy real?

So we began taking the possibility seriously. We followed Connecticut real estate listings with an increasing obsessiveness, and whenever we headed north to visit our families, we made time for long drives through the country, letting our girls nap while we scoped out likely-seeming towns and random open houses. Eventually we took a more consistent approach with an actual realtor—although we were still haphazard enough in our visits that the agent, a polished Englishwoman whose daughters rode horses, regarded our intentions with a certain suspicion, as though she’d seen dreamers like us before.

Abby tried to keep us grounded. We wanted the same general things, but she was a little less romantic about rural life. “It’s way too uncanny to imagine actually living there,” she said to me after a day trip through small towns in the northern part of the state, outposts of New York City for their summer residents, farm towns in the winter. “There’s nobody there half the year, who knows what the schools are like, we’d be two hours from New York, forty minutes from our parents . . . and you’re going to leave me alone in the country with the kids while you go traveling for work?”

Honestly that was, in a way, my treasured plan. I had a vision of myself going out into the world, flying around to various Babylons for important meetings and interviews, and then coming home on a summer evening, down a winding road, up a drive lined with oak trees, to find my two—no, make it three; no, make it four—kids waiting for me, playing on swings in the July dusk in front of a big white colonial, my wife behind them, the whole scene an Arcadia . . .

Not surprisingly, Abby wasn’t sold on this idyll, or the alleged bargains I kept finding—the snowbound spread on six acres with a leaking roof and a huge artist’s studio attached; the “farmhouse” built into a hillside like a hobbit’s hole, if a hobbit had an investment banker’s taste. The first Connecticut house that she actually liked was far more sensible: a recent build in a more populated area, a four-bedroom house from the 1950s, at the end of a quiet cul-de-sac near a commuter rail station, walkable to a playground and a small downtown. It was lovely, livable, convenient, a good size for a growing family. I hated it.

“It looks like Tony Soprano’s house!” I groused. “You can see McMansions from the kitchen window! What’s the point of going to Connecticut for something we can get in”—I let the contempt flow through me—“suburban Virginia?”

Eventually, like a good husband, I started to talk myself into the sensible house. But by then, like a generous wife, she had talked herself out of it.

Fortunately, there was an area where our ideas converged, which happened to be her childhood hometown. It was just ninety minutes from Manhattan, in between the Gold Coast of greater Greenwich and the small blue-collar cities and real country to the north. It was near enough to train lines to be accessible to the city, far enough to be relatively affordable. It had a rural expanse but a thriving downtown with a bookstore and restaurants and even a small movie theater. It had excellent public schools and a lovely little Catholic church, where we had been married.

Moving there with our children, buying a big house, and making ourselves comfortable with Little League games and dance lessons felt like a way to rewrite the story of Abby’s childhood as well. She had lived in a big house once: Her father had been a Wall Street numbers guy who descended into bankruptcy and ruin after the junk-bond era collapsed. He died suddenly when she was thirteen, leaving her schoolteacher mother to raise Abby and her sister alone. So her hometown had been for her a place of downward mobility, of childhood happiness succeeded by teenage sorrow. And it seemed (maybe more to me than to her) that to return in prosperity and triumph would give her the happy ending she deserved.

“Unless you lose your job,” she said. “Or we lose all our money.”

“That could happen in D.C., too,” I countered. “And in Connecticut we’ll have our family to help us, public schools . . . We’ll raise chickens and join Costco.”

So her doubts gradually yielded to my optimism, and then in the winter of 2015 we endured a sequence of what seemed at the time like hardships—the teacher at my older daughter’s local public pre-K quit suddenly, our basement flooded when frozen pipes exploded, my wife and a friend were mugged while they strolled a baby in the nearby park—that felt almost like providential pushes to sell, just sell, to take the money and flee north.

For Abby, the decisive tribulation happened just outside our home. We had to parallel-park our SUV on the street outside our front door, and every once in a while a car would come barreling down the mostly quiet street when we were hauling our girls, four and two, out of their car seats to the safety of the sidewalk. One slushy March day, when the piles of unmelted snow farther shrank the narrow street, one of these cars veered within inches of my wife as she fumbled with a car seat, almost dinging the open door behind her, and then slammed to a halt ten yards on, disgorging a furious driver who yelled at Abby for being so inconveniently available to be mowed down.

“Right then and there, I thought, I don’t want to die on this stupid street,” she said to me afterward, as we huddled over my laptop and the real estate listings in her once and future hometown.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Convergent Books (October 26, 2021)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 224 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0593237366
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0593237366
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 12 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.77 x 0.88 x 8.53 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #204,682 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #163 in Sociological Study of Medicine
- #441 in Medical Professional Biographies
- #8,140 in Memoirs (Books)

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Ross Gregory Douthat

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Ross Douthat is a columnist for The New York Times op-ed page. He is the author of To Change The Church, Privilege, and Grand New Party. Before joining the Times he was a senior editor for The Atlantic. He is the film critic for National Review, and he has appeared regularly on television, including Charlie Rose, PBS Newshour, and Real Time with Bill Maher.

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588 global ratings

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MLS

Life Changing

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on January 25, 2022

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I thought I was all alone. Not with chronic Lyme Disease; I knew that I had many co-sufferers there. In fact, I knew that there were a great deal more people with Lyme Disease than those listed on the CDC website. But I thought I was alone, or mostly alone except for a few wing-nuts, in trying really weird things in order to heal from chronic Lyme Disease. Some of which helped me, and keep helping me. I learned from Ross Douthat that not only am I not alone, I’m in good company.

If you were a healthy, athletic kid and young adult who liked the outdoors, say someone like me, then getting Lyme Disease at the tender age of 30 and remaining undiagnosed for a long time is a tough break. It’s more than a tough break, it’s heartbreaking, as Ross speaks of so movingly in his wonderful book. It effects every aspect of your life- your marriage, career, ability to have children, your fragile self-esteem, and certain friendships with people who don’t understand or cannot understand. All of these are put on the chopping block of your life.

Ross understands. He gets it. That in and of itself makes this book invaluable to me, but he offers so much more. “I will not give up, and neither should you!” he insists, sometimes pleading, other times shouting. Sobbing. This book is raw with his honesty, and I am so grateful to him for it. He could have taken the easier way out, and followed the path of many other Lyme books- here are the symptoms, and here is what you should do about it, etc, etc. But Ross doesn’t do that. He describes his excruciating, ever- shifting symptoms, but more than that, he says what it feels like to be a husband, journalist, provider, father, and believer when everything you cherish is being dismantled.

He also talks about the reality that this disease, while incredibly common, is dismissed nine out of ten times by the mainstream medical community. Imagine having all that physical, emotional, and sometimes mental suffering and being told by supposedly “good “ doctors, “You know chronic Lyme Disease doesn’t exist, don’t you?”, or “You can’t STILL have Lyme Disease!” , even though your blood tests show in black and white that, yup, you’ve STILL got Lyme Disease. That was Ross’s reality, my reality, and that of almost the entire Lyme community.

Ross got it bad, worse than me. He felt that he had no choice but to tackle it head-on, and tackle it he did. And this is where he has changed my life, and I will forever thank him for it. Because my symptoms were usually not so severe, I had unwittingly settled for a half-life, or in reality, a 1/3 life. Ross says, NO! Don’t do that! You deserve better than that, you deserve to keep working towards wholeness. He gave me a loving kick in the pants, and I am now more actively involved than ever in my own healing. Thank you, Ross.

Finally, he wraps this wonderful gift of a book in the prettiest writing, making it a pleasure to read. I will never forget the section where he compares weird Lyme treatments to the poet Yeat’s “foul rag and bone shop of the heart”. It was gorgeous prose, but more than that, it was true.

This book is not just for those who have Lyme or their caregivers. It is for all of us who suffer from chronic illness, or chronic anything. From pain that won’t go away, no matter how hard we try. “Keep trying!” Ross says. And you do. So much so that by the end of the book you’re not just rooting for Ross, you’re rooting for yourself.

30 people found this helpful

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J Matthews

Beautiful but Concerning

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on October 5, 2022

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This is a beautifully written book about what happens when a smart guy who is experiencing generalized anxiety transfers to a new psychiatrist after moving to Connecticut. The psychiatrist "diagnosed" him with chronic (post-treatment) Lyme disease, a condition whose existence the totality of scientific evidence doesn't support. Douthat also never had an authenticated case of Lyme disease to begin with.

This is concerning in itself, as doctors are supposed to follow the medical evidence, at least in the clinical hour. Douthat then follows a self-navigated path, encountering a cottage industry of scientifically unsupported practices. He takes a prolonged course of antibiotics, (often self-prescribed), though controlled treatment trials show no benefit for this treatment approach, and it's associated with considerable harm.

Douthat's writing seems "sciencey," but he's a guy looking things up on the internet and swallowing whole the idea that post-treatment Lyme isn't recognized by the wider medical community because they are behind the times. Actually, it's not recognized because there's no clinical evidence for it: well-designed studies have already been done, disproving the claims of its supporters.

The "providers" in the mushrooming cottage industry of post-Lyme "treatment" are making plenty of money, pushing unsafe courses of antibiotics that don't perform better than placebo and are associated with harm. Also, Douthat never did receive treatment for his anxiety. His weight loss, muscle pain, sleeplessness, flushing, and occasional urges to sprint do seem consistent with anxiety.

11 people found this helpful

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Kate Siepert

beautiful and heart-rending, and so relatable

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on December 9, 2022

Verified Purchase

I encourage anyone dealing with chronic illness to read this work - I believe you will, like I did, see echoes of your own story in these pages. I found it difficult to put down, and at times, difficult to keep reading, as the resonance was too much to manage all at once. I’d wait five minutes, and then dive back in. His story is valiant, painful, and strangely, hopeful.

2 people found this helpful

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wayne p

Rich guy gets sick

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on August 3, 2022

Verified Purchase

This book in a nutshell ..... rich guy gets sick. Some antibiotics help, most don't. Rich guy buys a muti million dollar house then sells it, losing huge money. Rich guy hates Trump.

I do not recommend this book.

One person found this helpful

Amazon Customer

Very Deep and Moving

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on November 2, 2021

Verified Purchase

This is an excellent memoir of one man’s excruciating battle with an illness the medical establishment refuses to recognize. He sheds light on this unfortunate reality and offers hope to sufferers. If only the skeptics in the medical establishment would read this one book.

Kindle Customer

A Sharing We Need

Reviewed in Australia 🇦🇺 on November 6, 2021

Verified Purchase

Outstanding and honest storytelling of a story we all think we'll never live through. As a fellow chronic illness sufferer I can't thank the author enough for doing his bit to bring this dark world into the light.

Leonard L. Herchen

Spectacularly deep and practical

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on December 21, 2021

Verified Purchase

Patients, doctors and family of both, would benefit from reading this one. Good length. Great ending.

Melina Marin

Amazing book on chronic illnesses!

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on November 25, 2021

Verified Purchase

Wonderful book - read it in 3 days.

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