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Defining Marriage: Voices from a Forty-Year Labor of Love by [Matthew Baume]

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Matthew Baume

Defining Marriage: Voices from a Forty-Year Labor of Love Kindle Edition

by Matthew Baume (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

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Only a few years ago, marriage was defined as an exclusive club for heterosexuals only. Today, it has expanded to welcome gay and lesbian couples across the entire United States.

Defining Marriage traces the decades-long evolution of marriage through the personal stories of those who lived through it. Writer Matt Baume provides an intimate glimpse into the private lives of those who dreamed of marriage in the 1970s, the survivors of the 1980s, the audacious pioneers of the 1990s, the tireless soldiers of the 2000s, and the champions who won marriage today.

Along the way, he explores the individual stories of the people who participated in this revolution, examines what marriage has become, and shows with vivid, compelling personal narratives how the act of defining marriage forever changed the lives and loves of the people who fought to define the institution. As the journey to equality unfolds over the years, Baume finds himself unexpectedly evaluating his own self-contradictory life as a marriage activist with no plans to marry his longtime partner.

Over the course of years, the story of marriage is recounted through intimate, revealing conversations with prominent LGBT figures, allies, and grassroots activists. Dustin Lance Black shares the story of how his escape from childhood abuse prepared him to bring hope to millions; Dan Savage recalls his stubborn rejection of the closet at what was then an unthinkably young age; and Andrew Sullivan remembers the call for marriage in the 1980s that earned him enemies amongst conservatives and queers alike. Baume visits with Rob Reiner, who inherited a passion for social justice from his real-life parents and his television family; San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom, whose personal principles tested his career ambitions when he stood up to an unjust law and the President of the United States; and Seattle Mayor Ed Murray, a former seminary student who picked up the mantle of LGBT liberation after the death of a friend and mentor.

We meet accidental activists thrust into an international spotlight, like Amy Balliett of Join the Impact; Book of Mormon star Gavin Creel; and Clela Rorex, who in 1975 became America's first government official to issue a marriage license to gay couples. As marriage transforms, people all over the country find themselves and their loved ones at a crossroads of history: Molly McKay, who showed up at marriage counters to demanded a license every Valentine's Day for a decade until someone finally said yes; Jenny Kanelos, a small-town girl who mobilized all of Broadway; Juan and Tim Clark-Lucero, forced to race against the clock to marry before their legal window closed.

Baume provides rare, behind-the-scenes access to personal conflicts around the national struggle. While furious protestors clash on the steps of the Supreme Court, we are ushered inside to witness the same debate playing out amongst the Justices. Readers witness gay political leaders locked in desperate, emotional struggles to pass marriage bills in the back halls of capitols, and are are privy to the conversations of families as they discover what the shifting landscape of marriage means for their own relationships.

From decades past to this moment in history, from halls of power to private bedrooms, from the political to the personal, Defining Marriage is the story of how people from all walks of life fought to change marriage -- and how fighting for marriage, in turn, changed them.

Print length

340 pages
Language

English
Publication date

July 8, 2015
File size

705 KB
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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

I'm a writer, storyteller, and video maker based in Seattle whose work focuses on LGBT issues, nerds, and anything that is strange and wonderful.
I'm the author of the book Defining Marriage; and I created the popular podcast The Sewers of Paris, the long-running marriage equality show Marriage News Watch, and a cavalcade of fun videos on YouTube.
As a guest, I've appeared on such shows as Out Chicago, Tomefoolery, and Feast of Fun; and as a host, I've delivered presentations at South by Southwest, Emerald City Comicon, and The Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Journalists Association.
You can find my work on various outlets, including The Advocate, The Stranger, and public radio's Marketplace.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B0119BEYKA
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Matt Baume; 2nd edition (July 8, 2015)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ July 8, 2015
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 705 KB
Simultaneous device usage ‏ : ‎ Unlimited
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Print length ‏ : ‎ 340 pages
Page numbers source ISBN ‏ : ‎ 1518631525
Lending ‏ : ‎ Enabled

Best Sellers Rank: #1,264,548 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #242 in LGBTQ+ Political Issues
- #1,220 in Civil Rights & Liberties (Kindle Store)
- #3,285 in Marriage & Long-Term Relationships

Customer Reviews:
76 ratings

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P. Romaine

A thoughtful insiders view of the Prop 8 fight

Reviewed in the United States on September 8, 2015

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This is a very important early report on the long term fight for the acceptance of gay marriage among straight Americans and among judges in the US court system. Matt has conducted interviews with many early leaders behind the marriage equality movement not to mention the original couples who walked up to marriage counters. The underlying personal story of Matt's relationship with his boyfriend/partner unifies his engaging narrative and provides an interesting insight to changing ideas of commitment of marriage. Matt emphasizes the theme of changing minds by focusing on marriage = commitment, although he also acknowledges that legal arguments would have focused on rights and their abridgment. I hope that Matt gets a chance to expand this book – it shows tremendous promise, a compassionate and nuanced use of original interviews and archival resources. I have a few quibbles, but they are minor. Not so minor is the complete omission of the Windsor decision, which was the basis for overturning prop 8 at the Supreme Court. In fact, including the case might have strengthened his themes and nuanced the stories. Yes, in one way, the Windsor case was about inheritance tax; but in another way it was about love, commitment, and survival. I wish Edie Windsor had made it into the book… Nevertheless, I'm very glad that Matt wrote it. His interviews and personal involvement will prove an invaluable resource to future historians.

One person found this helpful

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Luna Soliel

Worth many more than five stars

Reviewed in the United States on February 4, 2016

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I don’t want to sound trite when I say I laughed and cried and shared the frustration, anger and anguish of all the people (gay, lesbian and straight) who fought for marriage equality as I read Defining Marriage, but it’s true. Matt’s style of writing is very personal and touching. I discovered him on Twitter, love his sense of humor, watch his YouTube videos, and now I feel as if I know him through his book. Love you, Matt!
Defining Marriage isn’t just for gays and lesbians, it’s for our families and friends; for the people we work with; for our neighbors; for those who are uncomfortable with who we are and what we want.
Those who went before us, who fought for the right to call our partners “husband” or “wife” put so much of themselves into the fight. I may not remember all of their names or know their true sacrifice, but I appreciate every one of them. And I appreciate both the fact that Matt Baume wrote their story as well as the way he presented it.
If I could give Defining Marriage more than five stars, I would.

2 people found this helpful

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Ken Clark

Get this book!

Reviewed in the United States on July 16, 2015

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Baume has brought me up to date on the marriage equality movement. Many gays in my generation have been focused on HIV/AIDS activism and missed the earlier part of Baume's 40+ year timeline. Clearly written, with a sense of humor that doesn't overpower the historic points he makes. Excellent and highly recommended.

I'm so happy for all the people who are the beneficiaries of the pioneers that Baume has interviewed. Unfortunately I married a liar, a cheat, and a swindler, but life goes on, and the Obergefell decision has brightened up my existence considerably.

7 people found this helpful

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ScottinSoCal

Just read it

Reviewed in the United States on July 22, 2015

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This gave me some information I didn't have before, made me remember things I'd forgotten, and made me think about and re-experience things I was there to see. He mixes interviews, his own experience and records and brings it all together in a comprehensive picture. I guess (as much as I hate to admit it) that repulsive hypocritical quisling Andrew Sullivan does deserve some tiny shred of credit.
Some of it made me laugh, some of it made me sad, and some of it brought back the anger and sense of betrayal I felt after Prop 22 and Prop 8.
If you have been through this story, read it. If you know someone who has been through this story, read it. If you want to get a glimpse of what it was like to have been a part of it, read it.

3 people found this helpful

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Ray Ivey

This book would best be described with the old-fashioned phrase "An intimate history

Reviewed in the United States on April 3, 2016

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This book would best be described with the old-fashioned phrase "An intimate history." Rather than a broad overview of the labyrinthine legal path to marriage equality, those machinations serve as the backdrop for Baume's main purpose: telling the personal stories of those caught up in the struggle.

Matt Baume has long been one of our most valuable chroniclers of the marriage equality struggle, and all of that reporting really pays off in this book. He writes with a crisp, clear, accessible and urgent voice that's as irresistible as his many videos. I was delighted that his stories start long before the years I expected them to. He reaches way back to the 1970s and beyond to describe some of the first murmurs of the movement. These stories are often bolstered by interviews with the players themselves. Many of these stories were new to me and I found them fascinating and important.

In addition to telling the human stories of his many subjects, Baume casts his journalistic gaze ruthlessly on his own personal attitude about the institution of marriage, and how it's evolved during the many years he's spent looking at them through the lens of a long-time partner who's decidedly uninterested and even hostile to that special legal contract so many, including Baume, have wished for for so long.

This book is required reading for anyone interested in the grand story of the march towards equality. It would also be an excruciatingly good gift for that recalcitrant relative who's still uncertain why those weird queers want to be married. Put this book in their hands and check back with them in a week.

Very highly recommended.

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Randal M. Gronewold

Marriage equality through the storytelling of Matt Baume

Reviewed in the United States on July 14, 2015

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Instead of the typical marriage equality "book-umentary", Matt Baume wrote from a very personal, moving, and unique perspective capturing stories from public figures and average folks who lived the marriage equality movement. The author's signature wit and style make this book irresistible.

8 people found this helpful

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Amazon Customer

A timely and enjoyable read

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 6, 2017

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A really good read. I came across Matt Baume on Twitter, and found his book to be well-researched and moving. He writes as a journalist, so it doesn't read like a dry academic text, but rather tells the story of the battle for marriage equality in America, with plenty of references to, and quotes from, the people who were in the front line. It's a beautiful book with what, for now, is a happy ending, but it also reminds us how hard fought for the improved rights of gay citizens have been, and how strong are the forces who would gladly remove them again.

David J. Watson

Great Stories - Enjoyable Book!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 30, 2015

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Enjoyable Read of Real Life Stories
I've really enjoyed Matt Baume's Youtube Videos. He's witty and intelligent - can explain a complicated subject in an accessible way - and always makes it engaging and somehow person.
So, I was excited to see the book - as real life stories always interest me. Haven't finished it yet - but what I've read so far is excellent.

Rev Sarah

Journalism as social history

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 9, 2018

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"I'm scared," said Piglet.
"A story will help," said Pooh.
"How?"
"Oh. Don't you know? Stories make your heart grow."

Sean Alexander

Three Stars

Reviewed in Canada on October 21, 2015

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Good historical data. Some interesting stories of people that lived through the changing times.

Jonathan Segondy

Des visages, une histoire

Reviewed in France on October 13, 2015

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Un livre très intéressant, simplement mais élégamment écrit. Matt Baume entremêle l'histoire légale et politique avec les histoires personnelles - y compris la sienne - qui rendent à la lutte pour l'égalité des droits aux Etats Unis son visage humain et son sens véritable : un combat pour la liberté, la dignité et l'amour.

Je conseille également les vidéos et podcasts de l'auteur. Même pour ceux ayant lu le livre, les discussions et les extraits d'interview qui suivent la lecture de chaque chapitre apportent un complément appréciable et Matt et James sont simplement adorables.

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Defining Marriage: Voices from a Forty-Year Labor of Love Kindle Edition

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