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Penguin Group (USA) LLC
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Diary of a Submissive: A Modern True Tale of Sexual Awakening Kindle Edition
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|Length: 324 pages||Word Wise: Enabled||Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled|
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This book is not 50 Shades. Sophie actually has a clue what she is talking about because she lives it, compared to Ms. James, whose story to those who live this complicated life reads like someone who read about travelling to the moon then tried to write fiction on it. It's not even half the story, doesn't cover any of the emotions properly and is all guestimation for the sake of selling a story. It makes us look like damaged people who with therapy would be magically cured from our proclivities to lead boring sex lives like the rest of the world. That's just not how this works. Most of us, yes there are weirdos out there like everywhere else, own businesses, pay our taxes, try to exercise, eat healthy, fail and splurge on romcoms and chocolate and are just normal people. Except when it comes to our sex life. And this is where I think "Diary of a Submissive" shines.
Ms. Morgan brings up an excellent point I wish outsiders looking in could understand: by reading this, or any account of any person living in a BDSM relationship, no two stories are going to be the same because there is NO right or wrong way of living it. Think about vegetarians. There is no right or wrong way to be a vegetarian. You have: pescatarians, lacto-ovo vegetarians, vegans, macrobiotics, and raw dieters. There is no rule one must follow because to live that lifestyle at all is purely your choice. No one has the right to say "Um, you shouldn't eat/do that." The world of BDSM is much the same way. No one can make you do or like anything, and this is something Sophie mentions at the very beginning, that everyone practices/plays in different way and that is completely ok.
Now, the parts I do not like. I feel like the title is a misnomer. I think it should be called: "Diary of a Masochist," so that people who are looking for a sweet, cuddly read have some warning of what there are getting into. Most people I know would not give Sophie the time of day as a submissive. She does not gain pleasure from submitting (making her partner happy.) She gains pleasure from be sassy, sarcastic, pissing the other person off and receiving pain. Lots, and lots of pain. If she wants to classify herself as submissive, that is, of course, her choice. But I for one cannot see hardly any submissive qualities in her. Everything she does is motivated to make herself feel good and to receive more pain, which brings her pleasure. She never obeys or cares about what makes the other person happy in the relationship. As a submissive, this is something I cannot understand. It's not about me. It's about making another person happy. Period. I think most submissives feel the same way. I don't think about submitting in the bedroom. It is the most natural thing to me. Like how some people breathe out of their mouths and some their nose. I don't think about it. Doing something assertive is like trying to go the whole day breathing out of the other (mouth/nose) than what you are used it. It's weird, annoying, feels unnatural and before too long starts to irritate you.
Sophie, on the other hand, throughout this entire book, talks about struggling to not tell people to go away, to leave her alone, to snap back at them over the most trivial thing, how humiliating submitting to anyone is. She is a masochist but an eternally awful sub who I think only adopts this label so people assume she is submissive, and when she clearly isn't, they inflict pain/pleasure on her out of frustration and she shuts up, because now she is receiving pleasure and is happy.
The last point I wanted to hit on was all the reviewers saying they could never understand someone who allows another to hit them/abuse them. I explained this the other day to someone vanilla and it seemed to click:
Some people like spicy food. Love it even. Those who like spicy food have varying degrees of tolerance for it. Some like a little bite. Others are the kind that go and order the hot wings at the "nuclear" level and complain it isn't enough. Others have NO tolerance for heat. It hurts. They do not like the pain. That's ok. Everyone is different. The nuclear people need a whole lotta kick to feel that same bite. Everyone likes what they like, and none of us can explain why some pain to us is either a "good burn" that keeps us coming back for more but past a certain threshold it is purely painful and it must stop. We just all have different levels of where that threshold is.